Everything happens for a reason...

...which is what I truly believe. I'm several days behind on my Bible reading, according to the schedule I'm trying to follow. This afternoon, however, it seemed that God had a reason for me to be "behind." Today I sat down to read Habakkuk, which I "should" have read on Friday. The following is the intro to the book from The Message, which I thought really applied to Laura's comment on the previous post. But maybe that's just me. Who knows. Hopefully this will mean something to somebody though!

Living by faith is a bewildering venture. We rarely know what's coming next, and not many things turn out the way we anticipate. It is natural to assume that since I am God's chosen and beloved, I will get favorable treatment from the God who favors me so extravagantly. It is not unreasonable to expect that from the time that I become his follower, I will be exempt from dead ends, muddy detours, and cruel treatment from the travelers I meet daily who are walking the other direction. That God-followers don't get preferential treatment in life always comes as a surprise. But it's also a surprise to find that there are a few men and women within the Bible who show up alongside us at such moments.
The prophet Habakkuk is one of them, and a most welcome companion he is. Most prophets, most of the time, speak God's Word to us. They are preachers calling us to listen to God's words of judgment and salvation, confrontation and comfort. They face us with God as he is, not as we imagine him to be. Most prophets are in-your-face assertive, not given to tact, not diplomatic, as they insist that we pay attention to God. But Habakkuk speaks our word to God. He gives voice to our bewilderment, articulates our puzzled attempts to make sense of things, faces God with our disappointment with God. He insists that God pay attention to us, and he insists with a prophet's characteristic no-nonsense bluntness.
The circumstance that aroused Habakkuk took place in the seventh century B.C. The prophet realized that God was going to use the godless military machine of Babylon to bring God's judgment on God's own people--using a godless nation to punish a godly nation! It didn't make sense, and Habakkuk was quick and bold to say so. He dared to voice his feelings that God didn't know his own God business. Not a day has passed since then that one of us hasn't picked up and repeated Habakkuk's bafflement: "God, you don't seem to make sense!"
But this prophet companion who stands at our side does something even more important: He waits and he listens. It is in his waiting and listening--which then turns into praying--that he found himself inhabiting the large world of God's sovereignty. Only there did he eventually realize that the believing-in-God life, the steady trusting-in-God life, is the full life, the only real life. Habakkuk started out exactly where we start out with our puzzled complaints and God-accusations, but he didn't stay there. He ended up in a world, along with us, where every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Two short passages--maybe three--from Habakkuk:
(without verse numbers, because they aren't marked in The Message)

God has perfect timing (from chapter 2): "If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time."

A godly life is the one worth living (from chapter 2): "But the person in right standing before God through loyal and steady believing is fully alive, really alive."

(end of chapter 3): "Though the cherry trees don't blossom and the strawberries don't ripen, Though the apples are worm-eaten and the wheat fields stunted, Though the sheep pens are sheepless and the cattle barns empty, I'm singing joyful praise to God. I'm turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God. Counting on God's rule to prevail, I take heart and gain strength. I run like a deer. I feel like I'm king of the mountain!"

He hath made me glad...

I'm so glad for Christian friends. Friends who care about the same kind of stuff I do. Friends who love God. Friends who realize there's more to life than just doing what feels good. I'm glad for a super-cool room mate Laci; I'm glad for way-cool suitemates, Krissy and Erica; I'm glad for a lifelong best friend Allie. I'm glad for friends here at school, at Anastasia, at Westside. I'm glad for long-term friendships, short-term friendships, reconciled friendships, developing friendships. God's so cool. He made us with a need for companions and friends, but He doesn't leave us in need... He provides for us and fills that need. How incredible! You ever get to a point in your life where things are so good that you think "it must be all down-hill from here" and you're just waiting for something to go wrong, something to fall apart? Just you wait... God's got something great in store that you could have never anticipated. Yeah, we might go through some valleys in between the great times, but if you look around, God's always blessing in some way. Why wouldn't He? When He blesses you, He gets glory. It's very logical. But ultimately, I believe God desires to make us happy. He loves to see us smile. He loves even more when we acknowledge that the blessings that have made us smile are from Him.

Thank You, God, for the friends You have put into my life.

Krissy keeps complaining because I haven't written in almost a week, so at last, I have given in and I'm writing a new entry! This morning at church, the verse the sermon was from was Colossians 3:16. It says, "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord." The sermon had three main points: 1) Worship is led by the Holy Spirit, 2) Worship is a vertical experience, 3) Worship is a horizontal experience. The first two I had heard many times before, but the third one I had never really thought about. As the verse says, we are to teach and admonish each other, in this case specifically through music. Since music is a part of worship, it is logical to say that the teaching and admonishing is also a part of worship. The pastor explained that loving, forgiving, helping, teaching are all a part of worship. It makes perfect sense: when we do things for others, we are ultimately glorifying God, which is the heart of worship. Good things to think about.

It makes me sad...

[I hate that I'm writing about this on my birthday, but I was thinking about it the other day and I was just reminded, so I'll write while it's on my mind.] It makes me sad that people have such potential and just completely waste it. They have the opportunity to turn out to be completely awesome people and do great and wonderful things, yet they throw that all away for "the easy road" and whatever seems most enjoyable and acceptable according to our culture. Something more specific: it makes me sad that people think they have to drink to be happy and accepted. And no matter what you believe about drinking (for Christians), it is totally and completely wrong for an underaged person who claims to be a Christian to drink. Not only is it completely illegal and therefore wrong in the first place, it also puts a really bad name on Christians. This 18 year old person I know has been drinking (and getting drunk) lately, and it makes me really disappointed. Why do people think that's what it's all about? There's so much more to life. So many things are way more fulfilling... and don't make ya throw up.

Hmmm.

Please take note of the change in the left sidebar. No more 19... it's 20 now! And we had so much fun making smores at Cafe 11! That's definitely the coolest place I've ever been. Just don't order the Kava-Kava!! Allie, Quinn, and Eric can tell ya all about that! Fun times, fun times. I'm off to get some beauty sleep for my big B-day!

Going out in style...

Tonight, my friends and I are going out for my "last day as a teenager" party! I've decided we should go to Cafe 11 and make smores! We've always said we would do that, but we never have, so tonight's the night.

True thankfulness...

Tonight at our Fusion leadership meeting we were sharing with each other about specific things that we have seen God do lately or specific prayer requests that He has answered. After we shared something, we would pray for whatever we mentioned thanking God for working in that area. Holly's prayer really spoke to me because she thanked God for all the trials and hard times her family has been through lately. How incredible! That's something I know I fail miserably at doing: thanking God for the hard times because they make us stronger. True thankfulness is when we can thank God for the good stuff as well as the bad.

Listen to Leon...

Laci already mentioned this on her blog, but Leon (a guy here at Flagler, who I met at lunch today) has a radio show on Wednesdays from 9am to 11am on 88.5, Flagler radio. He asked us to spread the word, so if you're in the St. Augustine area, be sure to tune in!

Church!

I totally love my church here in St. Augustine (Anastasia) and I'm reminded of that every time I go there. Worship this morning was so fun as well as awesome! The worship band opened up the service with "The Happy Song," which Bobby plays the into of on his harmonica! He's incredible! ("The Happy Song" is the one that goes "I could sing unending songs of how You saved my soul; I could dance a thousand miles because of Your great love.") I know style is not important in worship -- it's just a matter of preference -- but I do think it's important to enjoy worship, and when you enjoy the style it usually helps. The worship band at Anastasia is so fun. If you aren't smiling when you go into church, you will be by the first song!

I'm joining the leadership team for Fusion, so I'm about to go to a leadership meeting in a few minutes. I'm way excited about that ministry. Last Wednesday was our official kick-off. There were so many people there! And not just the "church people"... there were a bunch of new faces, for which I was really excited. I love that it's so "open," by which I mean that people from all different churches from around the city come to it without feeling like they have to be members of Anastasia to come. So far it's been really good. I'm looking forward to what's to come. Later.

[In reference to my time spent at the fort earlier today...]

God, You amaze me in every way! The waves, the wind, the sun, the sky, birds, water, sea-shells -- ALL amazing. Today I got a little glimpse of what it's like not to worry about what I eat or drink or what clothes I put on. I sat on the wall near the fort and I didn't have a care in the world. I just enjoyed You. It didn't matter that I was in a sloppy T-shirt; it didn't matter that my hair was wind-blown and a mess, or that I was missing dinner. What mattered was the rising tide, the constant wind, the warmth of the sun, the organization of the flock of birds flying nearby, even the way the clam shells stick together and form barnacle thingies! What matters is that it's a beautiful day and You want me to enjoy it. Philosophy is so much more bearable when read by the ocean! And uncomfortable seating is more bearable with an incredible view. It's funny how when I faced the ocean I felt completely and wonderfully secluded from the world, even though "the world" was only 50 yards behind me on the street. I love the noisy silence of the waves and the wind. I love that they block out sounds of modernization. I love the interplay of consistency and constant change in creation. It amazes me! Thanks for today, God. It is Yours and I will praise You for it.

*DISCLAIMER: this post will contain comments of harsh reality. It is not directed toward anyone, rather toward the human race as a whole as I see it. Please do not take offense!

Hypocritical, two-faced liars. That's what people are. (For the record, I'm not venting my anger today or anything. It's just a subject that I've really been doing some thinking about.) For the most part, all the people I've ever met -- including my closest of friends -- talk and talk and talk about what they believe, no matter the subject, but often demonstrate something completely opposite in their actual lives. When it's somebody I'm close to, I hate to think to myself, "man, he/she is a hypocrite," but often that's the exact phrase that enters my mind under certain circumstances. (It's way easier to label your enemies hypocrites, isn't it!) And I totally admit that I also can be included in this catagory, although it is harder for us to see our own faults than the faults of others. But seriously, somedays I just sit back and look at what I'm doing/thinking/saying and I think to myself, "man, I am such a hypocrite!" Why is it that it is so easy for us to verbally assert our belief in something, yet when it actually comes down to putting it into practice, we fail miserably? Why can't we claim the promises of Christ and live a victorious life? "Just human nature"? What a cop-out. Brain-washed by society? Possibly. But society isn't responsible for what we do; we are responsible for what we do. We like to take the easy way out, even when the results of the "hard way" would be better. We like to go with the flow, even when we've vowed not to. We like to do what makes us feel best, regardless of how it makes other people feel. It's so refreshing when I meet a "real" person -- one who you can tell is really living what they believe. Sadly, those seem few and far between. There are those who live this way for the most part but then have spurts of Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde syndrome, but occasionally you will have the opportunity of meeting someone who is real all the time. Those are the awesome ones who deserve the utmost respect. They don't fall prey to cultural lies. They aren't flippant in what they believe. They know what they believe and they make every effort possible to live it out to the fullest. That's awesome. That's who I hope to be one day. I'm not there yet.

"Na na" by Superchick

You're building a case against me / prosecutor, judge, and jury / we had this conversation in your head / cause I wasn't there you made up what I said / or what I would have said / you know me so well / you've heard how I am and how I'm going to heaven knows / we've never had this conversation / or should I call it a condemnation / cause you're not listening to me...

So Na na na na na / that's all I'm gonna say / cause na na na na na / you've made up your mind anyway / na na na na na / there's nothing I can do / na na na na na / couldn't we be friends if not for you

You're like a teacher from Charlie Brown / all you hear is that wah-wah-wah sound / maybe I'm a Pokemon, Peekachu / cause that's what comes out when I'm talkin' to you / [....] You made your own fact / your super-hero name is Mr. Right / Instead of trying to understand / you tell all your friends how wrong I am / and you're not listening to me...

So Na na na na na / that's all I'm gonna say / cause na na na na na / you've made up your mind anyway / na na na na na / there's nothing I can do / na na na na na / couldn't we be friends if not for you

Can't we be friends? / why does it end / before a word is even heard? / I look at you for attitude / why can't you see that it's not me?

Something in the end I see / the person I'm talking about is me / assuming you're the enemy / in the cross-hairs of my verbal easy / no matter who wins, we both lose / no matter who starts, we both choose / to keep it going on, and on, and on / but let's start listening and see

La la la la la / la la la la la / sorry that it got this way / la la la la la / next time I won't let it screw / la la la la la / couldn't we start over, me and you?

Culture...

I'm in a Cross Cultural Communications class this semester (lots of Cs), which I will refer to as ESOL (English for Speakers of Other Languages). It's a pretty interesting subject area. For that class, I am doing a practicum where I go to an elementary school and work basically one-on-one with an ESL (English as a Second Language) student. I went to set up my times today with the elementary teacher. I wound up staying and doing my first day, which I wasn't really expecting, but it turned out really good. I'm working with a 4th grader named Remo who is German. He's adorable! He's a pretty cool kid, too. He's really quite smart, too. Like today he was writing a paragraph (as was the rest of the class), and I could tell he was "sounding out" the words, although they were spelled incorrectly, because when I had him read the paragraph to me I realized he was spelling the words like he says them. His German accent is slight, but it still influences his pronunciation, and therefore his spelling, of words. He's way cool, and I'm really looking forward to the time I get to work with him. I don't know that you would care to know all that, but now you do anyway.

Along the same lines, I was reading for my ESOL class just a little while ago, and something really stood out to me. People of so-called "minority groups" in our nation are now called "people of color." I really have some severe problems with that term. I understand that they can no longer be called "minority groups" since their numbers are on a quick rise, but I do not care at all for the new term that has been chosen. First of all, I can't help but think of the pictures I've seen of segregated America, where one water fountain was labeled "white" and the other "colored." While we don't appear to be reverting to segregation, the terms are awefully similar. Secondly, I have a problem with the term "people of color" because it gives the impression that my skin tone is NOT a color. Furthermore, I have Hispanic and Filipino friends with skin colors nearly identical to mine, yet they are "people of color" and I am appearantly a "person without color." If that were true, would I not be clear instead of white? Third, I am not so pleased with the fact that our society has been divided into two portions, "white people" and "people of color," even though "people of color" is comprised of many various and distinct ethnic groups. (I'm wondering which catagory my German friends fall into. They all "look white"!) For some reason or another, I have done a lot of thinking about "race" lately -- another term that I do not particularly care for. In my "perfect world," there would be no such thing as race. Everybody would freely intermarry until races were eliminated. I'm not sure why this seems so important to me. I suppose it is because there is so much discrimination based on such an irrelevent issue. Hearts, minds, and souls are all made the same way, regardless of what your outside looks like or who your parents are. We all like to portray ourselves as free from racism (including myself), but the truth is that we all have some degree of it within us. Or at least everyone that I've ever met has had some degree of it. I think it's easy to be non-racist concerning individuals that we are friends with that are of another race, but on the grand scale, it's much harder. I guess it's the way we've been conditioned to think in our society. Being brainwashed stinks.

St. John's County School District
Ten Rules for Making Every Day A Great Day

1. Think that good things will happen.

2. Express gratitude to a loved one.

3. Put your gripes away in a box.

4. Be patient with an annoying person.

5. Do something special for yourself.

6. Reach out to someone who needs comfort.

7. Focus deeply on each moment.

8. Learn from a mistake.

9. Look closely at a flower or tree you haven't noticed before.

10. Smile.

(Not just for girls...)

No matter what may change throughout your life--no matter who leaves, who lets you down, who changes for the worse or better, no matter what unexpected things you find or lose--God is ever-constant and will never, ever change. He doesn't leave, change, go back on His word, or even sleep. He is always aware of what is taking place in your life, and He is in total control of it all-- total control. Never fear because He is on your side if you are His child. You are His little princess, and He loves you more than you could ever know. He never wishes any harm to come to His little girl. He is your daddy, and you can always come to Him and crawl up into His lap and let Him wrap His arms around you and love on you. When you follow God's plan, only the best will come to you. Sometimes, however, we may not understand the means that He uses to bring the best to us. You must simply trust Him with everything and then all things will work together for good. God loves you so much.

--from around March 2002, a time when I really needed to be reminded of this. But it's good to hear all the time.

Okay, I did finally finish that paper. Now for the details of last night that I promised.

The Edge was awesome. Quite honestly, when it was first getting started last night, I was a little nervous that it was going to be kind of weird. They passed out this sheet titled "uncommon senses" and it had something about each of the five senses and how we can worship God with them. They then said that there would be five "stations" where we would be able to put those forms of worship into practice. I was like, "okay, this is different," but once we got into it, it was really cool. We listened to music to praise Him with; we pressed huge nails on our skin to feel and remember the sacrifice He made for our sins; we ate bread to symbolize tasting God's will and being satisfied by it; we smelled incense, reminding us that we should have the odor of Christ; and we looked at the flame of a candle, representing the light of Christ in the world, which should be shining through our lives. Two cool analogies were made that I wouldn't have thought of on my own: First, Bobby mentioned the incense. He said in his generation, incense was associated with one thing... covering up the smell of pot. But just like that, Christ's "smell" covers our sins when we accept Him. The second analogy was made by Mason. He mentioned the smell in another way: he said we should have the sweat-smell of Christ, in that His "scent" should come out of every pore in our body. It's amazing how God has given us all our senses for practical reasons, yet we are fully able to worship Him with them, as well. The ongoing praise and worship portion of the service was awesome, as usual. I'm so glad to be a part of a body of believers that frequently comes together for some powerful times of worship. There are so many groups of well-intentioned Christians that just plain miss out on how real God is. I wish I had a way of showing them! I just want to scream at them sometimes: "Don't you get it? God is so huge! AND you have complete freedom in Him!" Experience the true freedom you have in Christ. Don't be held back by what we've been told for years we're "supposed" to do. Do what Christ alone tells you to do, and you will never go wrong.

AAAAAAAGH!

I'm trying to write this paper for one of my classes and I just feel like one big, continuous brain-fart! It's really quite a simple assignment, yet I keep drawing complete blanks. I'll type the first half of a sentence and just stop because the word I want to use will not come to me. That would be fine if it only happened once, but it's like every other sentence! I'm going crazy!!! I took a break from writing, and I'm... writing....? There's no rules to this kind of writing, though. Except that your fingers have to cooperate, which they're not doing so well right now. (Couldn't tell you how many times I hit 'backspace' in that last sentence! Rediculous.) Anyway, I'm going to take a real break for a minute, and then it's back to work. Later.

Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12/NIV


The Edge was incredible tonight. Details to follow tomorrow.

PSA (Public Service Announcement)...

Can ya tell I've been bored today? This is like the fourth time I've posted! Anyway, just wanted to make a "public service announcement" of sorts. I'm putting in a plug for Anastasia and all the great things going on there. First of all, tomorrow is The Edge at 8:00 pm. It's absolutely incredible and everyone who can come should. If you live around St. Auggie and are looking for a church, Sunday's contemporary service is at 9:30 followed by a Bible study time ("Sunday school") at 10:45. The college and career class is really growing and God is doing huge things. (Also, the same contemporary service is held every Saturday night at 6:00 pm) Wednesday nights is Fusion at 9:15 pm, and that's super awesome. This Sunday is the welcome back banquet for the college and career class, so we get a free meal after Bible study. Wednesday is the official Fusion kick-off, and food will be provided by Groovie Smoothie!! (How cool is that?!)

There was something else I was going to write about, but I've forgotten what it was. If I remember, I'll add an update to this post. I think coming back to school has fried my brain... I've forgotten so many things this week!

Okay, I'm off to get ready for a house party at "pink nasty".... that's the name of the house. Interesting, huh? Later.

A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.

--English Proverb

(from Laura's post at BEEN THERE, STILL THERE)

"Come, Thou Fount"

Come, Thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy praise.
Streams of mercy never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it, mount of Thy redeeming love.

...Jesus sought me when a stranger wand'ring from the fold of God.
He to rescue me from danger interposed His precious blood.

Oh, to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be.
Let Thy goodness like a fetter bind my wand'ring heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it; prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart, Oh take and seal it; seal it for Thy courts above.
Here's my heart, Oh take and seal it; seal it for Thy courts above.

(I omitted the first two lines of the second verse because they use language that none of us today understand. When I figure out what the lines mean, I will post them with an explanation.)



"God is Bigger" or "My Glorious" (not sure of the real title)

GOD is BIGGER than the AIR I breath, the WORLD we'll leave,
GOD will SAVE the day, and ALL will say "my GLORIOUS, my GLORIOUS"
And all You ever do is change the old for new
People, we believe that...
GOD is BIGGER than the AIR I breath, the WORLD we'll leave,
GOD will SAVE the day, and ALL will say "my GLORIOUS, my GLORIOUS"

[emphasis added especially for you, Allison!]

Something to think about...

"God's paths get you where you want to go. Right-living people walk them easily; wrong-living people are always tripping and stumbling." Hosea 14:9b [The Message]

I was reminded tonight how blessed I am. God has provided such an awesome fellowship of believers for me to be a part of while I'm at college. I met a bunch of new people tonight at "Praise and Prayer in the Palm Garden" which is totally the coolest thing ever. We all just sit out on the sidewalk in the palm garden and Dave plays his guitar and we all sing worship songs and pray. I'm so thankful for the Christian community that God allows me to be a part of here.

"Beautiful Savior, wonderful King..."

update: see Laci's post about "praise and prayer."

Random journal entry from this summer...

Tuesday, July 1, 2003

I was reading from The Four Loves because I finally decided to finish those last few pages. I stopped for a moment to journal because of the profound part I came across. The book talks about Need-loves and Gift-loves, where in Need-love you love someone or something because you need it and Gift-love is unmotivated and undeserved love, like loving criminals or loving those who don't quite appeal to you. The book mentions how although Gift-love is the higher form of love, if received, we are insulted by it. How true! We want to be loved (I want to be loved). Yet I have said before that I want to be needed. I have also said I despise "pity" friends, which while that is different than Gift-love, it still says that I want people to love me BECAUSE of me, not DESPITE me. I am glad, however, that God loves me despite me, yet at times I act as though He should love me because of me.

We need to get over ourselves and quit thinking we're so loveable! Quite honestly, we're often very unloveable! We make stupid choices that hurt other people, or we just aren't "God's gift to the universe" like we sometimes think we are! I'm glad God loves me dispite myself, and I'm glad He allows us humans to have the capacity to love that way, as well. We're not always so good at it, but He has enabled us to do it. We need to put God's kind of love into action in every way possible.

Random enough? I think so. Maybe it made some sense anyway! Later.

GOOD NEWS...

Get this... I went to my 8am class this morning and there was only me and one other girl. Our professor never showed up--Dr. Finnegan--which isn't like her at all, so we went upstairs to the education department to figure out what was going on. We spoke to Dr. Williams and he was like, "hmmm... something sounds kinda funny about that... let me check the course schedule... Oh! she is scheduled for another class at the same time in the Library. You should go talk to her when that class gets out." So Jennifer beat me over to the Library later on, so she spoke with Dr. Finnegan. Turns out that we've already completed the course requirements for that class because of a class we took last semester, so we automatically get an A and we don't have to come to class!!! How hot is that?! I'm so excited!

Good day, good day. Why bother easing into things?... let's schedule Megan for 4 classes her first day rather than 1 or 2 like everybody else! It's all good, though. Only 2 tomorrow. And today's went well. Some better than expected, so that's always cool. I'm begining to "classify" professors: I've decided psychology professors are a bit eccentric and like to tell LOTS of stories, professors of education courses are rather picky about rules, and professors of deaf education courses are all-buisness. And don't get me started on philosophy.... I'm in my first philosophy class and I can tell it will be very interesting to say the least.

Other random things: I got Laci interested in blogging and today she finally started her own! I'm really excited! Be sure to read there frequently once she's up and running. She's a writer at heart, so I know it'll be good. Tonight I got to go back to Fusion at Anastasia, which was really awesome. It has really taken off over the summer and I'm really excited to get to be a part of it. The best word to describe it is atmosphere. That's the awesome part about it. It's really laid back and casual--we all sit around on the floor and bean bags and whatever--and there's all these sweet candles and lamps and stuff on top of little black pedistal and the overhead lights are all out (therefore just the lamps and candles light the room). Jill, Phil, and Joe do the music, but not so much in like a "leading the music" sort of way; more like "keep us on the same track" during the songs. Fusion has grown so much while I was away. I'm really, really excited to see where God will take it next. Already I can tell that there are people coming who are not the typical "church crowd" which is totally awesome. I think the casualty of it makes people feel welcome and comfortable.

Here's a random journal entry from last night.
Life is funny, isn't it? You start thinking you've got things figured out--a few things at least. But then suddenly one day you realize you don't have anything figured out at all. You don't have a clue. How startling! But then--gloriously--you realize that those dearest to you don't have a clue either! They're just as baffled and confused as you are! You share your confusion with one another and somehow draw comfort from your dear friend's equal level of un-understanding of life. How fabulous it is to be confused together! What a comfort! What reassurance! Although you and I are just as confused as each other, we can tell each other what we each need to hear and the words of another somehow sound truer than our own. "It's okay. God is in control. There's a purpose to this mess. It will all make sense in the end." Why do those words not seem as true from our own mouths? Maybe it's so we will know we are not self-sufficient... we need friends. We need godly advice. We are not islands. Thanks for the confusion, God! It draws me closer to the ones who are most important to me, and ultimately closer to You!
I don't know if that really made any sense to anyone but me, but maybe it did.

I've gotten on a journaling kick. I now have three different journals, all for different purposes. My newest has quickly become my favorite, mostly because it's new, but also because its purpose seems more important than the others. It's my journal for "God stuff" for lack of a better term. I journal during my devotions, during Bible studies like Fusion, I take down prayer requests that others tell me or that I think of. I'm really loving it. I was going to start one anyway, but my enthusiasm for it was strengthened by Marti last week. She has become a serious journaler and I can see how important it has been to her life this year. I really hope I can use it to keep track of my growth, struggles, and everything else important to me throughout this year, and I hope I can look back over it and see where I've been or what I've learned. I'm excited for what's to come.

Thought for the night from Fusion: Even when circumstances change, God does not change and is still worthy of our highest praise. This was never said directly tonight, but it's what I gained. We sang a song called "Blessed be Your name" which talks about this. It says: Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful, where Your streams of abundance flow, blessed be Your name. Blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, blessed be Your name. Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise. In the darkness I'll cry out, 'Lord, blessed be Your name.' Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be Your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be Your glorious name. You give and take away. You give and take away. My heart will chose to say 'Blessed be Your name.'

That's it for tonight. The morning is coming quickly! Later.

quick update: I just read the "verse of the day" which fits PERFECTLY! It says, "Stand up and praise the LORD your God, who is from everlasting to everlasting. Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise."

Nehemiah 9:5/NIV

g'night

Wow! What a week! I had so much fun. Allison and I stayed with Rex and Marti and family from Tuesday till Friday afternoon. (For those who don't know, Rex is our old youth pastor.) We had such a blast. It was good to be a part of their lives for a week. All of them are doing well. The kids are growing up (sniff!). Rex's furniture business is awesome! We went by the shop a few times, and also got to go to a consultation type meeting with Marti to a customer's home. The homes there are incredible! Anyway, most of the week we more or less participated in their normal day-to-day lives, nothing out of the ordinary, but it was really great. Friday, Allison and I headed over to Birmingham and stayed with Lydia S. in her dorm. Her roommate Kate is wonderful. Samford's campus is BEAUTIFUL!! Lyd's friends are pretty cool. Everything was really great. On the way home, Allie and me had a great little worship session with David Crowder, among others. It was a great trip.

Things I have enjoyed this week:

fireflies: we don't have those in Florida. They're amazing. God's really cool for making them!

beautiful weather: no daily afternopn thundershowers! It was great! The best was on Friday morning at the pool with the kids. Perfect.

good company and fellowship: I can't begin to express how much I've enjoyed all the people I've been around this week. Rex, Marti, their kids, the Dills, Allison, Lydia, Kate, Lyd and Kate's friends... it was all wonderful.

beautiful scenery: the hills are so georgous! Florida is so flat!

rainbows: one during the week and two on the trip home. Awesome reminders of the promises of God.

This is by no means a complete list of what I enjoyed this week. There are very few things I can think of that I did not enjoy. I had an absolutely awesome time. God blessed me so much this week. I'm sure I'll post about random things that happened on the trip as they come to me.

Back in the "Sunshine State": We got home on Sunday night (rather than Monday, as planned) which was good. Monday was spent running around doing laundry and last minute things to move on Tuesday (today). This morning was a little hectic, but I am now successfully moved-in in my dorm. Life is back to normal, whatever that means! Yay for high-speed internet in the dorms! For once, I am sitting at my own desk and working online. It's so exciting! What was not so exciting was string up a 50-foot cord from the plug on THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM to my computer. I did a pretty good job of it though. I even rounded two corners and two door frames. All is well now. As for finishing unpacking my clothes.... well, I'll get to that eventually! That's about all the news for today. Later.

I'm here in Atlanta (actually Canton, but it's all the same). It's wonderful! No time for great detail today. My heart is so full! I'm so glad I'm here.

I'm SO excited! It worked out for me to go with Allison this coming week on her "road trip," so we'll be going to Atlanta, GA and then to Birmingham, AL. I know we're going to have a blast! It took a little work on my part to get my schedule worked out, but it will totally be worth it. So posting here will be scarce or nonexistant for most of the week. We're leaving here Tuesday morning and getting back the following Monday (Labor Day) and then I'm moving on Tuesday, so who knows when I'll get back to posting regularly. Hopefully pretty soon after moving, because we should have newly-installed high speed internet in the dorms! Yay! But knowing how everything works at school, there will probably be some kinks to work out or something. If all else fails and I'm desperate to write, I'll post from the computer lab. Anyway, if you don't hear from me for a while, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth or anything! I shall return.

There's a new song on the radio that I like the message of. It's called "If We are the Body" and I'm not sure who sings it (maybe Mercy Me?). The chorus says something like "If we are the Body, why aren't His arms reaching? Why aren't His hands healing? If we are the Body, why aren't His feet going? Why is His love not showing?" I thought the message of it was great: if we are the Body of Christ, we should be fulfilling the things Christ would do if He were still in the flesh. That's our purpose. A little convicting, isn't it? Later.

"I guess you can't expect people without vision, faith or dreams to understand a person who is all about that."

--Allison

"A dreamer among the realists... it's a travesty."

--Laci

My thought for the day: don't base all decisions in life on what seems most practical, most logical, or most profitable. This is good for many decisions, but some must be left up to dreams, hopes, aspirations, desires, and plain ol' gut instinct (a.k.a. God's still small voice inside you). "By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going" (Hebrews 11:8). This was not a practical, logical, or seemingly profitable move for Abraham. Rather, it seemed to be a very foolish, illogical, irrational, childish move. Things are not always what they seem. This was the best choice Abraham probably ever made: the choice to set human logic aside and follow after his calling. Not only did others not understand Abraham's move, even he couldn't understand why it was that he needed to go. He just knew he had to, and that was that. A faith that can move mountains should be able to move us, as well.

THE PIECES FIT by Considering Lily...

I was like a jigsaw with pieces missing / a square peg in a round hole / like trying to climb the ladder but always slipping / high jump, short pole / I was stained 'til He came to cleanse me / I was torn 'til He came to mend me / it was a match made in heaven / from the moment we connected

His grace for my shame / His death for my blame / His stripes for my pain and the pieces fit /
His joy for my grief / His hurt my relief / my doubt His belief and the pieces fit / And the pieces fit

I was like a story without an ending / mistery with no clue / a maze where each direction is deceiving / with no one to lead you / I was confused 'til His answers reached me / unaware 'til he came to teach me / it was a match made in heaven / from the moment we connected

(chorus) / it's no wonder I've been made whole / since I surrendered my heart and my soul / (chorus)

FOOD!

You know what's great about cooking, besides the fact that it is followed by eating? If you cook something with a big fancy name, people are impressed, even if it wasn't hard to cook. So I guess that ruined the chance of you being impressed that I made "seasoned shrimp, fettuccine, and cheese tortellini alfredo" tonight! Yeah, it was way good. Last night I made my specialty: Chicken-Broccoli Casserole. That was really good, too. I've decided that people who cook the stuff that the cooking shows tell you how to cook have way too much time on their hands. The stuff I cook is good, but it doesn't take all day. On those cooking shows, they'll be like, "...and while your meat is slow-roasting for 4 hours, you should start your side dish, because it takes about 2-and-a-half hours to prepare." Yeah right. Like real people have that much time. And Emeril said something today about his roast maranating for 48 hours! Like I can think about Thursday's dinner on Tuesday! Anyway, I don't know why all this talk about cooking. I guess because I've done it for two consecutive days, which is odd.

This was my day today: wake up really late; eat a little; lay out in the sun for about 45 minutes; jump in the neighbor's pool to cool off; take a shower; watch a couple episodes of "A Wedding Story"... my favorite; eat a pear; dry my hair (I didn't mean for that to rhyme); 30 minutes of Pilates; throw some laundry in the washer; eat some grapes; eat more grapes; do more laundry; eat a PB&J sandwich; more laundry; cook dinner; a bunch of other miscelleanous things to fill the evening. I'm sure I ate a few more times in there! I'm all about the philosophy that it's better to eat little bits several times a day rather than big amounts 2 or three times a day. Today's all about food. I have these kinds of days, then I'll have a day where I couldn't care less about eating. I'm weird.

I'm just writing out of sheer boredom today. I wish I had something "valuable" to write. Nope. Nothing of any value today. Hopefully I'll have something some time this week. Who really knows. Later.

Crushed hopes...

I have this friend who just makes me so sad sometimes. Here's the story. She got saved several years ago (about two, I think), which I was incredibly excited about, but she still doesn't "get" God. I don't know that I've ever seen an ounce of passion in her about the things of God, nor have I seen her experience true spirit-filled worship. Okay, I know you could say this about lots of people, but it's quite severe in her case. It's like she really just doesn't care. She comes to church most of the time, but I would say it's mostly for the social aspect of it. While there, it's as if everything we do has absolutely no value to her. Singing is just something we do; preaching is just something to listen to, if she even bothers to stay for that part; and while the Bible study is expected to be "good," I doubt seriously if she could tell me what it was about as soon as it's over. I just want to scream at her: "God is so much bigger than you can see. It's not about doing the church thing; it's about having a passionate relationship with God." It makes me so sad to see her like she is. I had such great hopes for her. God has such great hopes for her. I just want her to get a glimpse of who God is. I'm convinced it would permanently alter her perspective.

Other than this, I had a pretty good day. Point of particular interest is that the pastor's message coincided with my quiet time today. He even quoted one of the verses I read this morning. That's always incouraging, because it reassures me that I'm reading what I'm reading for a purpose. I don't believe in "coincidences"; I believe God plans for things to fit perfectly together.

Upcoming events: hmmmm.... not much. Really, really not much. The next two weeks look kinda bleak. I'm only working like two days this week, due to my hours being cut, which I mentioned yesterday. Don't yet know what my last week of work will be like. The last weekend of the month, however, we will be keeping "the kids" at my house. That's my youngest neice and nephew. Brandy is two months away from being 4 years old, and Cody is nearly 5-and-a-half (and started school this year, so I'm sure I'll hear all about it). It's a horribly inconveinient (sp?) time for them to come, though, because I'll be doing a bunch of laundry and packing to move on the following Tuesday. I have this brilliant idea, however, which isn't any more conveinient but a bunch of fun: Allie is going on a road trip of sorts the last week of the month, and if I could somehow manage not to work at all that week rather than the one or two days that they will probably schedule me, I could try to convince her to let me go with her! (And since I haven't mentioned this to her yet, Allie will learn of my "brilliant" idea as she reads it here on Monday while at work!) I'm pretty sure this plan of mine will not work at all, but it would be fun if it did. Hey, it's nice to dream! Anyway, back to the upcoming events. The singles' group from church is going on a Labor day retreat to St. Augustine, which I am not going on, due to moving the next day and the cost of the trip. I may go down and hang out with them on Labor day though. (They will be there for 4 days, Monday being the last.) Kind of a weird plan for me, since I will then return home, pack my car, and return to St. Augustine the next day. I haven't decided yet. I may, or I may not. Then... TUESDAY is moving day! Hip-Hip-Hooray! I've told friends that I believe God implanted this little switch thingy in people's brains so when they turn 18 it suddenly becomes more and more unbearable to live at your parents' house. The summer hasn't been horrible or anything; it's just that I'm like a fully-functioning adult 8 months out of the year, but for the 4 that I'm here, I'm suddenly treated just like a high schooler again. I'm ready to be away again!

Well, that's about it. If I write any more it will just be jibberish. I'm sure if you've read this far you're bored to tears already. I apologize! Happy Monday to all, and to all a good night.

Later!

I went to the Ginny Owens concert last night. It was great. She's such a terrific person with a serious voice! And I got to meet her, too! It's always nice when you know the daughter of the guy who's company sponsored the concert! I was rather inspired by a man and his daughter who sat on our row during part of the concert. The girl was mentally and slightly physically handicapped and doesn't speak at all. The dad was just the sweetest thing in the world. As they were sitting down, he introduced himself and his daughter, and explained that she didn't talk and had the mental level of a 4 year old (I think she was probably about 16). Aside from just being a nice guy, the man seemed to have incredible patience, love, and perserverance for his daughter. He didn't get irritated that she continually wanted to stand; he didn't have a short temper; he showed no signs of "I'm really tired of this and just need a break"; his patience amazed me. I tried to imagine what it would be like to have a handicapped child who you had to do nearly everything for, never getting a break to enjoy what the rest of us see as a "normal" life. It would be like having a new born baby for a lifetime, except with even more challanges. Babies are only helpless for a short time, and then you get to go on with life. A child like this, however, never quits needing that help. I truely believe it takes a special person to raise a handicapped child well. I'm not sure if you're a "better person" first, and that's why God allows you to have a child like that--because you can handle it--, or if you become a "better person" for having had a child like that--because it teaches you so much. [did that make sense?] Either way, I highly admire those who spend their lives caring for another. Truely amazing.

Another person who was at the concert was Michael J. Fox. Not really; just a guy who looked sooooo much like him. He was sitting right in front of us, and every time he turned his head and I could see his profile, I thought, "look, it's Michael J. Fox!" Afterwards, Allison told me she thought he looked like him, too, before I even mentioned it. It was quite funny.

Countdown: 16 days till moving! Yay! I'm so ready to be back at school. (You couldn't have paid me to say that during high school!) I'll be glad to see everybody, and I'll be glad to be back on a regular schedule. My summer schedule has been so completely random. I'm ready for a little order to return to my life, although along with the order of the schedule comes the chaos of school work! Speaking of random schedules, now that the school shopping rush is over my hours have been cut drastically at work. It really stinks. I mean, it's not that I sit around and say, "boy I wish I was at work" but I need the hours for the sake of the money! Talk about scrimping and saving-- that's going to be this school year's motto for me! I was very lucky that my mom offered to pay for my school clothes the other day, so I can save a little more of the little I have made this summer.

Other news... Lesson from yesterday's devotions: the truely "better person" will never say, "I'm better than you are." That's the condensed version, but it covers the main point.

Not much else to write about. Oh, BTW Quinn... there's a comment you might be interested in reading from a few posts ago, not to drop any hints or anything!

Later.

Words to a song...
I don't know the title or who sings it, but I hear it all the time on the radio. I'm not even sure if these are all the words, but they're the ones I like and the ones I could remember!

You are my God; I seek You.
My soul thirsts for You.

In a dry and weary land, You are my water.

Your steadfast love is better than life.

My favorite part is the last line, which repeats over and over in the song. Steadfast is such a great word. It reminds me of things like "sturdy" and "stable" and "everlasting" and "constant" and "consistant" and "unrelenting" all rolled into one. [My favorite subject is English... can you tell?!] Webster says:

steadfast adj. 1. fixed in direction; steadily directed. 2. firm in purpose, resolution, faith, etc. 3. unwavering, as resolution, faith, or adherence. 4. firmly established, as an institution or a state of affairs. 5. firmly fixed in place or position; stable.

Are we getting the point? God's not going to fail us. His love for us is steadfast. He refuses to give up. He's stubborn, in a good way. We tend to think that because a situation changes that God is going to change with it. (We never consciously admit that this is what we believe, but it really is. That's why we get so worried and lose faith.) We should make a point to remind ourselves daily that God does not change, no matter what else does. No matter how many times we change our minds --no matter how many times our PARENTS change their minds-- God does not change. Good to know, huh?

I found this quote the other day while looking at devotional books on Amazon, and I've already used it in an e-mail, but I figured it was worth posting here, too. The quote is in reference to Hebrews 11:8 "He went out, not knowing where he was going," which is one of my favorite verses about the nature of true faith.

"Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do--He reveals to you who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you 'go out' in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?"

--from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

Laura at Been There Still There posted this quote, which I really thought was a good one.

It is when things go wrong, when the good things do not happen, when our prayers seem to have been lost, that God is most present. We do not need the sheltering wings when things go smoothly. We are closest to God in the darkness, stumbling along blindly.

--Madeleine L'Engle

LEARNING TO NEED YOU by Justin McRoberts

I'd forgotten just how sweet Your mercies are, Lord
Would You remind me
You've been faithful in my weakness. Father, Your love
overwhelms my soul
I'm learning to need You

I cry out Your name
I am in need of Your mercies, Jesus
Despite my pride and my shame
I'm learning to need you

The countdown...

20 days till moving day! "382" here I come!

It's fun when God speaks to you and you're not really expecting it. I was just reading today's verse of the day and I really got a lot out of it. "People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Mark 10:13-14/NIV I thought, "isn't that just like us, to hinder other people from coming to Christ because they don't come the way we think they should." Then I got this great picture in my mind of little kids charging at Jesus full-force with arms open wide, all smiles and giggles, not a care in the world. Just completely fascinated that they actually have the chance to meet the Jesus who they've heard so much about. So there they come running like mad-men... undignified, as the song says. The disciples were quick to put an end to that, but to their surprise (and ours, had we been there), Jesus says, "Don't stop them; let them come." And then He really throws the disciples for a loop: Jesus tells them that God's kingdom belongs to people just like this. He says we should come to Him just like the children did. Full-force, arms open wide, smiles and giggles (or frowns and tears... He takes us either way), giving up all our cares just to meet with Him. Completely undignified. We've put far too many regulations on the way we approach God. I think it's time we lose the Pharisee-like formality and just get real and vulnerable before God. Meet with Him and allow Him to do whatever He wants. Don't give God limits or put Him in a box. He's so much bigger than we can ever imagine! "Come just as you are."

It's the little things...

Call me easily amused, but I'm way excited about the new face-plate I got for my cell phone yesterday. It's a turquose/teal-ish color and it's see-through. I love it! And I'm thoroughly amused that you can see the little lights on the keypad through the face-plate! It's very exciting!

I've been debating about which devotional/quiet time program to use for the upcoming school year. I think I've finally decided. I was looking at several different ones online today, but I just couldn't find one that exactly suited me. I remebered that I have a box full of all my old Bible study books and what-not on the top shelf of the closet in our spare room, so I decided to take a look at those to see if I got any ideas. I found a stack of monthly devotional guides from several years ago that I got in the mail for free for a year for some reason, but I had never used them. I like the format they use. I looked at their websight to see if I want to order them this year. I really like them, but instead of ordering them for now, I think I'm going to use the old ones I have. The dates on the top of each page will be wrong, but I'll deal. Each year they go all the way through the Bible, but each year the commentary portion is different. I like that. I think I'll use the old ones for now, and if I stick with it, I will order the new ones starting in January. The name of the devotional guides is Daily Walk by The Navigators. I think I'll enjoy them.

Random thoughts...

Colossians 3:16-17
"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father by him."

Colossians 3:23
"And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as unto the Lord, and not unto men."

----

This morning I was reading 2 Peter 1:1-4 and it was really encouraging. Normally, when I read the intro verses to one of the epistles, I think, "hmmm... what am I supposed to get out of this?" Today, however, I really "got it." The way Peter greets the church is so awesome. He doesn't just say, "hey what's up;" he jumps right in and tells us what an awesome life we have in Christ. This is what I wrote down today:
"Peter greets the Church, and in so doing is sure to remind us that Jesus Christ has given us everything we need for life, and not just life... a holy life. He has given us 'exceeding great and precious promises' so that we can partake in His nature and escape the corruption of the world. We have a glorious hope in Christ! We are equipped to live a godly life and to rise above the revelings of the world."
We haven't just been called to live; we have been called to live holy, godly, blameless lives. But these are not unmerited requests, because Christ has equipped us and given us everything -- everything -- we will ever need. He does not give us more than we can bear. God has a purpose for each of our lives and He makes us capable of fulfilling those purposes.

Grace and Peace.

Song in my head...

Hungry I come to You for I know You satisfy
I am empty, but I know Your love does not run dry

So I wait for You
So I wait for You

I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

--if anyone knows the second verse starting with "broken I come..." please post it under comments! I can't remember all the words!

I've found a new obsession with photoblogs/fotologs/whatever-you-call-them (gee thanks Quinn... another thing to waste my time with!). I start out just looking at one site, but then I link to one of their favorites, and one of the next person's favorites, and so the cycle goes. The sites I totally love are A Closer Look, Flowerpower, and Black and White. My kind of photos, for sure!

I don't suppose I've mentioned this, so I will now. Allison tells me I should write a book. I still find that a bit humurous, but I figure I'll keep it in mind and see if I get "inspired" to write anything. I did tell her that if I ever actually do one, I will definitely have to include photography. For one, it will fill the space, for the lack of ingenious writing. More importantly, I love it! I guess I've always liked taking pictures, but a little over a year ago I got a camera that was worth while and started taking some "experimental" pictures, just to see how the different features of my camera worked. Some of them, to my delight, turned out pretty good. When I got to St. Augustine, I jumped on the opportunity to take pictures of Flagler, since the buildings are quite gorgeous. Some of those turned out nice (I think). My favorite pictures that I've taken thus far, however, would have to be my flower pictures. One sunny day during first semester last year, I walked around town snapping close-ups of all sorts of flowers. My two favorites are the hibiscus flowers: one pink, one red. I think I like photographing flowers and things in nature for the simple fact that they are not man-made. I look at those two pictures (which hang on my wall in 8x10s) and think, "wow, that's beautiful," yet I have no ownership of that beauty. The pictures are not beautiful because of expert photography; they are beautiful because the flowers which God made are so incredible. I like up-close pictures because we see "the big picture" all the time. If it weren't for an up-close picture of, say, tree bark, how often would we actually take time to appreciate the intricate detail of its texture? Not often. Anyway, just thought I'd share.

"Some people only like the kind of music they hear on the radio or at parties. What about classical? What about jazz? What about the sound of leaves blowing across the road? Music is everywhere. But hey, that's just me."
--a quote from a JCPenney's ad in September's YM magazine.

The Friday Five

1. What's the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country?
hmmm... oh, last week the family went to Jekyll Island, GA. The last (and only) time I traveled outside the country was to Europe... London and France: wonderful trip.

2. What's the most bizarre/unusual thing that's ever happened to you while traveling?
Wow... there's so many... where to begin? Brooke threw up on a bus trip once. On another bus trip, we had to stop and have the on-board port-a-potty cleaned out... very weird... water hose through a window... we were all still on board... truely unforgetable! And on yet another bus trip, this one to Tallahassee from Jacksonville, the AC broke! It was utterly rediculous. Late spring in Florida with 50-ish warm bodies... completely miserable half the way there and the whole way back. And it wasn't that the AC just wouldn't come on... it was blowing hot air! On yet another bus trip, this one with my senior class (the previous ones were all with the band), the bus driver began falling asleep on an icy road in North Carolina and nearly hit a Semi! I believe it was the same bus driver that cut a corner in a parking lot too close and hit a pole. Hmmm... any other stories...

3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go?
First, make a stop in Atlanta to visit Rex and Marti. Then, I suppose I would head back over to London... I loved it there.

4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car?
I have only really traveled by plane and train once each in my life, but I enjoyed them both. Out of the three, I guess I would choose plane. I like each of them for different reasons, but for a long trip I certainly would not opt to go by car. I do have this dream of traveling the country by train, but it has to be one of the cool ones with sleeper cars and everything!

5. What's the next place on your list to visit?
I don't have much opportunity at this point in my life to do a lot of traveling, but I guess realistically I could pick Miami. Last year I made it down to West Palm Beach with some friends and had a blast... maybe we'll make it to Miami this year.

What's your favorite place and why? Leave a comment, let me know.

I NEED YOU by Sonic Flood

You know who I am inside
You know when I lie
You can tell when I'm amazed
You can see my faith

You know when I don't believe
You know when I'm free
You can tell when I need love
You know I'm in need

Love, I need love
You are love
I need You
Love, You are love
I need love
I need You

You know of my deepest fear
You know when I'm scared
You can read my empty page
You can feel my rage

You're aware of when I dream
You see when I bleed
You can tell when I need love
You know I'm in need

I know we need You, Father
Much more than any other
Your love brings us together
We need You, we need You

Love, we need love
You are love
We need You
Love, You are love
We need love
We need You
I need You

Just when you thought I was finished...

Yeah, so I'm doing a third post on the same topic. Could be a personal record! First of all, Tuesday was a GREAT day. I got to spend the majority of it in St. Augustine with Laci. After coming home, we watched a movie at my house. Later that night, I got to spend some quality time with Allison. An all-around good day. While Laci and I were in the car together, we continued our ongoing conversation of the week about legalism. She and I have both realized that there's SO much that we never noticed until we moved away from the places where we grew up. I know personally, moving to St. Augustine last year was spiritually the best thing I could have done. In the past year, I have learned an incredible amount about God and how to approach Him. The things I have learned come not so much from Bible study lessons or sermons, but from personal experiences and interaction with other Christians with different backgrounds. There are so many things that we always thought to be "spiritual absolutes" that were not necessarily taught but implied, and now we are asking ourselves, as Laci says, "why did we ever believe those things? why didn't we question them?" I know at some point, someone who has known me my entire life is going to read these posts and believe that I have "gone off the deep-end," but I PROMISE I haven't! It's just that there are so many things that we seem to come up with on our own that we think make us more spiritual, yet they're not exactly Biblical. Some of them are not bad... if seen as personal conviction, but we tend to treat them as if they are laws set in stone by God Himself when that is just not the case. It's like saying there is a Biblical standard for dating: as much as some people like to think there is, dating is NOT addressed in the Bible. Plain and simple. Dating is not one of the subjects Laci and others and I have been discussing, but they are things like that that are either not addressed in the Bible, or the way we address them is different from the Bible. A good example of that is the raising of hands during worship. IT IS BIBLICAL!! Try getting a hard-core baptist deacon to be accepting of that, though! We may even preach that it's okay, but when someone actually does it.... look out because you are likely to get some discriminating looks from some people. Another thing, which takes a lot of guts for me to write about semi-publicly, is drinking. We preach against alcohol of all kinds and somehow fail to see that the wine of Bible times was an alcoholic beverage. There are those who try to say (which is what I have heard most of my life) that the wine of the Bible was different than it is today, and therefore it was okay. There were people in the Bible who GOT DRUNK from the wine they had, so how is that any different? I'm not saying that I support the use of ALL forms of alcohol. I do have many personal convictions on the subject. But the fact that we will look down on someone else who is okay with drinking wine is just rediculous. These are the kinds of things my "eyes have been opened to" over the course of the past year. Once again, I am sure there are those who will read this and think, "it's all down-hill from here, " but it's truely not. I just had to have a change in environment for God to show me that I don't have to believe everything someone tells me I am supposed to believe; rather, I must back up my beliefs with the Word of God. The whole situation reminds me of Quinn and how he left a church which he now calls "the prison church." Had it not been for a change in location, I believe he would still hold to most, if not all, of his old beliefs. My home church is certainly not a "prison church," but I still had to get away for a while in order to learn some things.

Allison and I got to talk a lot last night about friendship sort of things, as well as issues that come with moving away to college, which was cool because we have a lot that we can learn from each other's experiences. We got together with the intention of going to a movie, but there was a big delima with the show times, so we wound up just sitting around at her house talking with each other. I'm glad. Everything has a purpose... even the messed up schedules at AMC! Anyway, it was very refreshing for us to be able to share our hearts with each other. It's a good thing I have free long distance on my cell phone for when January rolls around!

I'll leave you with a Psalm. Psalm 19, to be exact.

The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament shows His handiwork. Day unto day utters speech, and night unto night reveals knowledge. There is no speech nor language where their voice is not heard. Their line has gone out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them He has set a tabernacle for the sun, which is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoices like a strong man to run its race. Its rising is from one end of heaven, and its circuit to the other end; and there is nothing hidden from its heat. The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making the wise the simple; the statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the judgements of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them Your servent is warned, and in keeping them there is great reward. Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults. Keep back Your servent also from presumptious sins; let them not have dominion over me. Then shall I be blameless, and I shall be innocent of great transgression. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.

Second verse, same as the first...

Yesterday I had far too much to say to actually remember all of it at once, so today is more of yesterday's story. Sunday morning my mind was still on the subject of legalism/freedom. In the morning service, we (the choir) sang a song called "Rise and Come Forth." It's a decent song, but not one that I would typically devote a whole post to, such as other songs I have mentioned. Most of the song is a call for the Church to rise up and be different because there is a dying world around us. The way I took it yesterday was that we need to be different from the world in that we shouldn't have "rules" that we expect people to follow in order to fit in. That's what legalism is. Like Laci said in her comment on yesterday's post, we've been forced into a mold for far too long, and it's time we break out of it. Sitting in the choir loft Sunday after Sunday, we stare out into the faces of the congregation, and nearly every week I wonder if any of them even have a clue how it feels to worship God. Their expressions are so stern and stoic. Granted I'm not an overly expressive worshipper, I still think you can usually tell by someone's face when they're really "experiencing" God. A line in the song says, "Loose them now and set them free through the blood of Calvary." When we got to that point, I just lost it. My lip quivered; my voice cut out; tears ran down my face. I wept for my church. "They have no idea," I thought to myself. "They're imprisoned by their own preconceived notions of worship. Set them free, God," I prayed as I attempted to sing. Singing was too much of a barrier, so I finally had to stop. Towards the end of the song I was encouraged by a 'LONE WORSHIPPER' in the front section. Actually, a woman and her husband. They are fairly new to our church, and I don't know them, but I see them week after week engaging in true worship. It's so encouraging. On one of the repeats of the chorus, "Church, rise and come forth," they stood to their feet with outstreched arms amidst the crowd of the seated. Eventually, by the last time through the chorus, with the big climatic ending drawing obviously closer, they had others join them in standing. But that's sort of typical... a few stand, "hey, that looks like a good idea," and others finally join in, but only when it's late enough in the song that they know they will not have very long to stand. I don't mean to make it sound as if I think those who stood later were insincere or anything; it's just that it seems they are the ones who are too afraid to branch out on their own in worship without someone else taking the first step for them. I am glad they stood. It would have been far easier (and possibly far more typical) for everyone else to remain seated and allow the two standers to feel completely isolated (not that those two are the type to care). So I am glad they joined in on that act of worship. It's just that I would love for more people in our church not to be afraid to do whatever it is that they need to do ON THEIR OWN. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free."

I jotted down a note to myself during the service that said the following:
"If a worshipful life is a sweet fragrance to God, a life of legalistic bondage must be a rotting stench. Allow yourself to experience the freedom Christ has saved you to."

Linsay of W:W:L.O.L. has a post that reminded me of something Leslea wants to do as a ministry with some other people from our Sunday school class. Danny works (as a cop) in the rough parts of downtown and encounters many various people. Leslea wants to start ministering to the prostitutes and homeless in the area where he works. The idea is on a Saturday morning to get together and hand out little bag fulls of personal things that we take for granted yet these people cannot afford. I think it's an awesome idea, for the simple fact that ministering to prostitutes is stepping out of the comfort zone for most Christians. And it's not like we'd be going out there and preaching at them. Instead, we're going out and just showing a little love for these people. Let them know somebody cares that they exist. I think it's a cool idea. I really hope it works out in an awesome way.

FREEDOM...

God is Awesome. The Edge was INCREDIBLE last night! Darrell Evans is great... a very powerful worship leader. Right off the bat, he said, "whatever you said you would never do in worship, do that." I knew I was going to like him! On the drive down there, Allie and Laci rode with me. We had a conversation about legalism and the lack of freedom many Christians seem to have. Once we got there and Darrell opened up with that comment, I knew God was going to speak. Freedom in worship was the theme of the night for me personally. It's not really what Darrell spoke about, but that's what God was speaking to me about. Darrell did say a few things on that topic, but the bulk of what he said had to do with meeting in a "secret place" with God because He desires to meet with us. Throughout the whole night, God's presence was just so thick. It was wonderful.

I was really quite excited to discover when we got there that it was STANDING ROOM ONLY! It was packed out! I wouldn't have had it any other way. I know personally I came with a goal in mind: worship. And that goal was fulfilled. It was such a great night.

The seven of us that had come together went out to Steak-N-Shake afterwards, since that is THE late-night restaurant. One of the guys said something in reference to worship that really kinda struck a nerve in me. It made me wonder if he and I had even been at the same service, since he obviously didn't hear the part about freedom from legalism. [The guys did sit out in the hall for lack of seats... it's not the same as being inside. I think they might have really missed out on some stuff.] I'm not sure if he meant his comment the way I took it, but I am certain that some of our slightly legalistic upbringing is still hanging on to him. Not really his fault, I don't think; he and I (actually all seven of us, for the most part) have had similar upbringings in traditional baptist churches and a baptist Christian school. Don't get me wrong, I love my church, as you know by now. But on certain issues they are still a little legalistic at times. His church is the same way. I just hope we are all able to hear the words of Christ above the words of our churches. While our churches teach the word of God, there are times--since we are human--that we live something that is slightly out of line. The "lived" messages are so much louder than the taught ones.

Anyway, back to the origional point, the worship last night was incredible. On the way home, Allison mentioned something that I had noticed, but I didn't really make the mental connection till she said something. She mentioned how during worship we seem to be opposite of how we are in our day-to-day stuff [but not in a hypocritical way]. In worship, she becomes quiet and more introverted; I become louder and more extroverted. She tied it in with something Darrell said: he said worship should make you uncomfortable at times because you are leaving your comfort zone. Normally, quietness makes Al uncomfortable. Normally, being loud makes me uncomfortable. But in worship, that's what God calls us to do. Thanks for the insight, Allie.

Freedom. It's a beautiful thing.

"Free me from the trap that is set for me for you are my refuge."
--Psalm 31:4

"I run in the path of your commands, for you have set me free."
--Psalm 119:32

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."
--John 8:36

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
--Galatians 5:1

"I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts."
--Psalm 119:45

"In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence."
--Ephesians 3:12

"Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free."
--John 8:32

When I got up this morning and started my quiet time, imagine my excitement when the title read "Freedom from Legalism"! That was totally unexpected and completely awesome. The passage was Colossians 2:16-23. From The Message, it reads:

"So don't put up with anyone pressuring you in details of diet, worship services, or holy days. All those things are mere shadows cast before what was to come; the substance is Christ.
"Don't tolerate people who try to run your life, ordering you to bow and scrape, insisting that you join their obsession with angels and that you seek out visions. They're a lot of hot air, that's all they are. They're completely out of touch with the source of life, Christ, who puts us together in one piece, whose very breath and blood flow through us. He is the Head and we are the body. We can grow up healthy in God only as he nourishes us.
"So, then, if with Christ you've put all that pretentious and infantile religion behind you, why do you let yourselves be bullied by it? 'Don't touch this! Don't taste that! Don't go near this!' Do you think things that are here today and gone tomorrow are worth that kind of attention? Such things sound impressive if said in a deep enough voice. They even give the illusion of being pious and humble and ascetic. But they're just another way of showing off, making yourselves look important."

I like the very first part: "So don't put up with anyone pressuring you in details of diet, worship services, or holy days. All those things are mere shadows cast before what was to come; the substance is Christ." Let us worship God in spirit and in truth, and quit paying so much attention to what others are or are not doing. Rather, pay attention to what God is calling you to do, and DO THAT. Christ saved us so that we might have freedom. If we do not live in that freedom, are we not "wasting" our salvation? Do not make Christ's gift of no use in your life. Live in the freedom of Christ.

Thinking about Katie Gail tonight. I'm sad she won't be there when we all go back to Flagler. We'll miss you, Katie!!!

Thinking about Adam and how we were friends once. Haven't spoken to him in.... in two or three years. Wow.

Thinking about how some friendships are permanent, while others are so brief. I'm thankful for the brief ones, but sometimes I wish they could have lasted longer. Some of the briefest friendships I've had have also been some of the most meaningful. People's lives take different paths, though, and you can't live in the past. Nor can you force two roads to intersect a second time. Most roads only intersect once.

Thinking about where my life will take me in the future. I have no idea. I've been thinking on this one for a few days now. Who, When, Where.... mostly just who. I'm too curious for my own good at times! But God and I have been conversing about this topic this week, and I know I have to leave it up to His timing. Rushing usually equals ruining.

Friendship. How intriguing.

It's so awesome how God puts people together with such obvious intention. I was reading a post at Sisters' Weblog by Katie, which was completely inspiring. She and Susan have an incredible story of how God put them together and continually uses each of them in the other's life. It always seems that if you have someone in your life who you feel blessed by, they often feel the same about you. It's cool that God makes it work that way.

I keep posting and then I keep remembering things I meant to post about. Today at work a Deaf lady came through my line. There were two hearing people with her, so I was under no obligation to communicate directly with her, but I somehow felt personally obligated since I am capable. Well, "capable" is relative. My real-life communication skills in ASL are quite limited, which one only realizes when confronted with certain situations. Anyway, she was the paying person of the group, so I felt if I did not communicate with her as much as my average customer I was in some way discriminating against her, since, once again, I am somewhat capable of communicating with her. As I rang up her merchandise, I debated in my head what I should do: say something (sign) at the risk of messing it up horribly, or stay "quiet" as if I knew no sign at all. Above all, I refused to communicate "second-hand" with her by telling the hearing woman whatever I wanted to say to her. In the end, I decided it was best not to try to say more than I knew I was able to, so I simply asked her for her signature on the receipt and told her thank you as she left. She seemed thrilled that I said thank you, so that was a bit comforting. I still feel like it was a cop-out, though... like I should have said more. But I guess if I knew some French, I wouldn't be obligated to have a conversation with a French-speaking person; I would only be required to do what was necessary for my job. In my situation, that's what I did, as best as I was able. I mean, I really have no clue how to ask her if she "would be interested in saving 10% by opening an Old Navy acount," so I didn't bother trying that one. (I might be able to get all the words out, but I'm pretty sure it would "lose something in the translation"!) Anyway, that was my eventful moment of the day.

I'm lifting a phrase from another sight because I liked it. It described doing God's will simply as proceeding in righteousness. I like that. [find it here under the comments section.]

How do you like the new font? I thought it was time for a change. I refuse to put a "normal" font on my blog because it reminds me of school books, and I see plenty of those as it is! Besides, this one makes me feel like I've really "written" something rather than just typing it! So, do we keep the new one, or return to the tried-and-true?

I was driving home from work today, and I turned off the music to spend some time in prayer and thought. It was beautiful. After praying for a bit, I began thinking about why it's always "something huge" that's going on in people's lives. I mean, why does it seem that there are never little problems, only life-altering ones? I concluded that it is because we are far too prone to think we are self-sufficient. At least, I am. If we faced "little" problems, we would think we were perfectly capable of taking care of them ourselves, at which point we basically no longer "need" God. God allows "huge" things to happen so we will KNOW we are incapable of handling them, and that we MUST rely on Him. The problems are huge to reveal the hugeness of our God. That excites me because it makes me all-the-more confident that the outcome of tough situations will be incredible. God doesn't typically pass up an opportunity to reveal His power in the lives of His children. Think about that the next time "something huge" comes your way!

Linsay over at Wanderer:Worshipper:Lover of Leaving said the following in a post of his, and it really describes how I've felt lately:

***
Perhaps I will always hold my theological understanding and Christian worldview loosely, in open hands … recognizing that my mortal understanding will never remotely grasp the truths of God.

I am comfortable with ambiguity … I no longer feel a need to have an opinion on absolutely everything … I no longer feel a need to have an answer for every single question.

But, despite all of this, I recognize that deconstruction is not the end goal. I am not satisfied to just continue tearing apart aspects of my faith and analyzing them. There comes a time when I must reconstruct a faith/theology/spiritual understanding which is more pure, raw, and vigorous than that which I have been deconstructing. This is what I find most difficult at this point … it has become easy to criticize the church and challenge my former way of thinking … but it has become more difficult to develop a new and healthier faith.
***

I had this revelation today about life in general, which when I say what it was, everyone will be like "well, duh!" I realized that you CANNOT live off of minimum wage. Obviously, I've sort of realized this for a long time now, but today I was figuring up (again) how much an apartment will cost, and for the heck of it, I tried to figure out if I could afford to live totally on my own (not that I want to). I realized that even if you make like $8 an hour, you'd be lucky to pay rent on the cheapest of places, and you can forget about eating!!! No wonder people are on welfare!!! All I have to say is that if I wind up getting a teaching job after I graduate, I'd better get married quick so there'll be two incomes cause I sure can't live off one! How sad that we HAVE to work jobs for money and not just because it's something we want to do. How unfulfilling. I could really go off on that. I mean, there's like a million things I would LOVE to do in life, but they cost money initially, and then if you get really good at whatever you do and get a job in that area, the fun jobs don't pay squat. Like musicians, artists, teachers. And don't get me started about how rediculous it is that teachers don't get paid well. SERIOUSLY... without teachers, there wouldn't be doctors, lawyers, movie stars. Teachers practically raise children for half of their waking hours of their first 18 years, on top of teaching them academics and how to be functioning members of society. It's just rediculous. Anyway, I'm a little depressed right now about how dependent we are on money.

LOOKING FORWARD TO:
-Danny preaching Wednesday... he's gonna do something totally unexpected he says
-day trip on Thursday
-THE EDGE on Saturday!!!!! Yay! A whole bunch of us are going. Well, at least my car load, and possibly a few more.
-the "all-church orchestra concert" Sunday... looking forward to? Well, yeah, I guess I am. I haven't played in over a year.

Dad's not thrilled with the fact that I have decided to move out. He has such a strange view of the world. He told my mom (who tells me everything) that when people get apartments that's when they start "partying" and all that stuff. My mother, being the logical one, reminded him who he was talking about (me) and wanted to know if he really thought that's how I'm gonna be. Besides the fact that I've already lived away from home for a year. Somehow he thinks it's easier to "get into trouble" in an apartment than in a dorm. I "reassured" my mom that I've had plenty of opportunity to get into trouble already, and that it doesn't take an apartment to become a party-er. But she knows I've not done anything that they would disapprove of, nor do I plan to when I get an apartment. My mom's pretty cool... she's always supported pretty much anything I've wanted to do. Not so much in a verbal sense, but she's just never really stopped me from doing what I want. But then again, I've always been pretty practical, so there's been no reason to stop me. I don't know the value of this post, but here you go.

I was thinking tonight during the evening service at church how silly it is for me to strive for the things I think I want becase I'm usually miserable when I do that. Relief only comes when I give total control over to God and His will. Earlier in the year I remember I was miserable for a while because I was seeking my will over God's. Rather than just relaxing and letting things happen the way God intended, I spent endless hours wondering and worrying about what the outcome would be. Actually, this applies to a lot of situations I've been in! Anyway, I'm not saying that we don't have a responsibility to do certain things in order for us to take the path God has chosen for us; I'm just saying that we should relax a little and just let things fall into place, because if God has planned for something to happen, then it will. Our worrying will not change a thing. "Who of you, by worrying, can add one inch to his stature?" And like Wes says, we like to call it "concern" rather than worry, as if we're less guilty if we don't call it what it is. Sit back, relax, and obey and everything will be fine.

(I just spilled my sweet tea and came about an inch away from completely drenching my laptop.)

Today I had to explain to some friends (again) that I really don't plan on coming back next summer. That's tough. These are people that I really care about so it's tough telling them that Christmas will be the last time they'll see me for any length of time. Then, I was thinking about what a tough decision it really is to move away permanently. The decision itself isn't hard at all because that's what I really want to do, but what I will miss most is my church. It's weird because I love my church here and I love my church in St. Augustine, but both for completely different reasons. I love Westside for the preaching and the choir and the people I've always known. I love Anastasia for the awesome worship, the fresh approach, and the growing college ministry. The two are so totally different it's unbelievable. Yet I miss each of them when I'm away. It's killing me right now not to be able to go to Anastasia's awesome worship service every week. Yet when I'm there, it kills me that I'm not at Westside singing in the awesome choir. Hmmm. What to do. Sit back, relax, and obey? I suppose that sounds like a plan.

"The first great gift we can bestow on others is a good example."
-from my fortune cookie today!

I've decided I'm absolutely pitiful. "The girls" and I (Laci and others from school) have decided to make sure we have an apartment by the end of the school year so we can move in next summer. That's all well and good, but I'm acting like we're moving in a week! And I'm not alone; Laci is too. We've both done all the math to decide the cost difference between this and on-campus. I've been "shopping" this week (not actually buying, just looking, online mostly) to find all the stuff we'll need to move in, all the way down to plates and silverware. It's not all rediculous, though. My motto is "leave no stone unturned." By the time we actually have an apartment, I'll be the most knowledgable first-time rentee ever! I need to find out the cost of stuff to know how tight I should keep my budget this year... or how much tighter, since I'm already limited. I'm so excited, though... especially about the shopping part! I'd rather shop for household stuff over clothes any day. I can be a bit controlling at times, though. Hopefully I won't become too much of a shopping-natzi when it comes down to it! Anyway, not much else is going on in my life right now. Relatively dull. But that's okay, I'm sure I'll miss the dull-ness by mid-September! Later.

Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?" For it is not wise to ask such questions.

Ecclesiastes 7:10/NIV

-today's verse of the day

I bought "The Message" today. I'm really excited about it. I'll be using it just for reading purposes (like chapter by chapter), not really for devotions. Hopefully, I'll really enjoy it.

The most satisfying low-fat thing to eat is Breyers "naturally light" vanilla ice cream! Mmmm, Mmmm! It's seriously the best vanilla ice cream I've ever had. And it only has 3 grams of fat! That's a beautiful thing!

"I am only one, but still I am one; I cannot do everything, but still I can do something."
-a possibly slightly missquoted quote, but the origional was from Helen Keller, who happens to be one of the most inspiring people, in my opinion.

Take a look at this about the World Trade Center cross. I never really heard the whole story before. It's pretty cool.