random thought...

Things that annoy me: people who bathe in their perfume; people who assume the receptionist can solve (or help at all with) their legal problems.

half missing...

distance does not make the heart grow fonder... distance makes me feel like crap... makes me sick... makes me cry... lets the lies get into my head... lies that i recognize as lies... yet lies that are very convincing, all the same. distance makes me be with myself... think about myself... criticize myself... my faults... my lackings... my shortcomings. no one else criticizing... just me... just the lies... others telling me truth... proclaiming truth... speaking truth over me. cling on to the truth. forget the lies. banish the lies. claim the truth. make it real. make it tangible. make it a part of me. make it my identity. cling to Jesus. know His Truth. make that my identity. make that my source of strength. make that my strong tower. He is my Strong Tower. He is my Comfort. don't just be with myself... be with Him... sit with Him... talk to Him... know Him... get to know Him more. use this time... this free time... this unobligated time... this unscheduled time... this one week of time... this time that is almost over. quit being so selfish... so self-centered... so self-concerned. minister. love. listen. give. help. share. laugh. sing. dance. enjoy.

in honor of friday...

Because it's Friday, and it feels like the appropriate thing to do, here's another survey. Back in the day I would do the "Friday Five" but they stopped doing those, so this will do. Besides, this will keep me occupied much, much longer.

Have you ever....

Played Spin the Bottle? Not really
Toilet Paper someone's house? Also not really
Played Poker with money? No
Gone swimming in a white T-shirt? Not since I was a kid
been tickled so hard you couldn't talk? Yes.
like someone but never told them? Of course
went camping? Yes
had a crush on your brother's friend? No
walk in the rain without an umbrella? Yes
told a joke that Nobody thought was funny? I’m sure
been in a talent show? Yes
started laughing at someone's bedtime? What? That’s a dumb question.
worn something your mom didn't approve of? It wouldn’t be a mother-daughter relationship otherwise!
been to a nude beach? No
drank jack daniels? No
cursed in a church? No
been called a slut for kissing someone? No
burnt yourself with a curling iron/straightener? Yes
wanted to be a police officer? No
dumped someone? Um… no, not really
been hit on by someone too old? Yeah, old guys are creepy
wanted to be a model? No
bought lottery tickets? No
made out in a car? Yes
cried during a movie? Yes
wanted something you couldn't have? Of course
had sex on the beach? Definitely not
had the drink sex on the beach? No
seen someone shoplift? Not that I recall
hung up on someone? Only telemarketers
yelled at you pet? Probably
bought a thong when the cashier was a guy? No
tried to strip when drunk? Haha… no, but that sounds funny
gotten seasick? Not really
had a stalker? I don’t think so
played a prank on someone that had them really scared? No
been embarrassed by one of your family? For sure
felt bad about eating meat? No. at least not in the “I feel bad for the animals” sort of way. Maybe if I was feeling fat or something.
Protested? No
been to an island? Any island? Yes: Anastasia, Jekel, St. Simons, Amelia
been in love? ABSOLUTELY!
ate just because you were bored? More often than I want to admit.
looked at something everybody thought was ugly and said "aww"? I don’t know
Screamed in a library? No
Made out with a stranger? No
Been Dumped? Um… I guess
Wished a part of you was different? Of course… who doesn’t?
asked a guy to dance? Not really
laughed so hard you cried? Yes
went up to a complete stranger and started talking? Probably not
been sunburned? Yes
kicked a guy in the nuts for being a pervert? Hahaha! No, but I wish I could say yes!
threw up in school? Only once
received an anonymous love letter? Not that I recall
had to wear something you hated? Of course
been to a luau? A semi-luau. No roast pig or anything.
cursed in front of your parents? No
been in a commercial on tv? No, but I’ve been on tv.
watched a movie that made you miss your ex? Maybe shortly after a break-up or something. Definitely not any time recently.
been out of the country? Yes
been honked at by some guy when you were walking down the sidewalk? Of course… I live in St. Augustine.
won at pool? Heck no.
went to a party where you were the ony sober one? No (meaning I didn’t go to those parties… not that I wasn’t sober!)
went on a diet? Eh, not really.
been lost out to sea? No
tanned topless? No. I’m not a fan of those areas of my body getting sunburned, which they surely would.
been attacked by seagulls? No
been searched in an airport? No
been on a plane? Yes
been pants-ed? No, but I do always recommend that someone pants Mikie P.
thown a shoe at someone? Possibly
broke someone's heart? I don’t know. I turned down this guy I knew who was sort of fixated on me. I doubt he was really “heartbroken.”
sung in the shower? Yes
bought something way too expensive? I’m sure
done something really stupid that you still laugh about? Sure
been walked in on when you were dressing? Probably
ran out of a movie theatre because you were too scared of the movie? No
been kicked out of the mall? No
been mean to someone then instantly wanted to take it back? Definitely
fell off your roof? No. have I been on my roof? No.
pretended you were scared so you could cuddle up with someone? No, that’s far too girlie for me.
had a deer jump in front of your car? YES! It’s scary!
threatened someone with a water gun? Threatened? no

Can you....

Unwrap a starburst with your tongue? I’m not a starburst fan, so I’ve never tried, but I tied a cherry stem once.
Sing? Yes, or at least I like to think so.
open your eyes underwater? Yes
eat whatever you want and not have to worry? No
ice skate? No… I’m really terrible at it. And don’t try to tell me it’s just like rollerblading… definitely is not.
sing in front of a crowd? Yes
Whistle? A little… not very well
be a bitch at times? Yes. (I didn’t make up the questions, but if it’s going to ask, I’ll be honest.)
do thirty pull ups? Heck no.
walkin in really high heals? Yes… well, I don’t know that you’d call them “really” high, but they’re high heels, none the less.
eat super spicy foods? No
Skateboard? No
sleep with the lights on? Only if I am completely and utterly exhausted, or napping. Not on an average night.
Mulititask? Yes, usually
touch your nose with your tongue? no
fall asleep easily in the car? Only if I’m by myself in the back seat
Surf? No
fit in your locker? I’m not in high school, but I’m going to say no
do a split? No
taste the difference between pepsi and coke? Yes (but both being diet)

familiar

I'm reading You Shall Know Our Velocity by Dave Eggers, (written in first person by Dave) and the friend in the book reminds me of Rob so much. (I've told him this. This won't be a surprise to him.) For those of you who know him, let me know if this doesn't capture Rob's personality!

Hand knew things like this, and knew how many guerrilla-killed gorillas there were each year in the Congo, and how many tons of cocaine were imported weekly from Colombia, how they did it and how pure it was, and how powerful, and who ran which cartel with the help of which U.S. agencies and for how long. And how Spinoza was actually autistic -- he'd read this recently but couldn't remember where -- but it was true! They'd studied DNA! -- and that Herbert Hoover liked little boys (this he was sure about, though it might have been McKinley, or J. Edgar), and that you could grow the bones of dwarfs by attaching external bone-growing devices that looked like Medieval torture instruments -- it worked! he would yell, he'd seen a documentary and one guy had grown almost a foot, though some dwarves objected, calling him some sort of Uncle Tom. . . . On and on, for twenty years I'd heard this shit, from first grade, when he claimed you'd get worms if you touched your penis (I used plastic baggies, to pee, till I was eight)--and always this mixture of the true, the almost-true and the apocryphal--he'd veer within this emporium of anecdote like an angry drunk, but all of his stories he stood steadfastly behind, never with a twinge of doubt or even allowances for your own. If you didn't kow these things, you were willfully ignorant but not without hope. He prefaced his fact spewals with "Well, you probably already know this, but the thing about zinc mining is..."

Whereas Dave in this circumstance seems annoyed by his friend's vast random knowledge, my feelings are usually closer to amazement than annoyance of Rob's random factoids, and his brain's iPod-like storage and retrieval abilities!

Just thought I'd share. Peace!

yes, it's me again...

As if anyone is going to read this, here's a survey.

This is The Guilty Game. Next to the questions, put your answers as either guilty or innocent. Guilty if you have, innocent if you haven't. Re-post and see what others have or have not done!

Given a hickey?: innocent i think

Singing in the shower?: guilty

Gotten a hickey?: innocent

Spit in someone's Drink?: innocent

Played with Barbie?:guilty!

Made someone cry?: guilty

Opened your Christmas presents early?: guilty... mostly i found them before they were wrapped though!

Lied to a friend?: guilty at some point, i'm sure

Broken a bone?: innocent

Seen "The Goonies" more than 10 times?: oh probably guilty, although i never kept count

Played a Computer game for more than 5 hours?: innocent

Ran through the sprinklers naked?: innocent

Went outside naked?: innocent (again, guys seem to enjoy these things more than girls, save maybe marilyn and niki)

Flashed somebody?: innocent

Mooned somebody?: innocent

Been on stage?: guilty

Been on stage naked or close to it?: definitely innocent

Fallen in love?: guilty :)

Been in a parade?: guilty... more times than I care to mention

Been in a school play?: guilty

Drank beer?: guilty

Gotten detention?: innocent

Been on a plane: guilty

Been on a cruise?: innocent sadly

Cheated on a test?: innocent

Broken into a house?: innocent

Gotten a tattoo?: innocent

Gotten piercings?: guilty. ears only. contemplated a tiny nose stud for like a year.

Gotten into a fist fight?: innocent, although i hit krissy regularly

Laughed so hard it hurt?: guilty (ask rob about his hypothetical gay hispanic housekeeper!)

Cried yourself to sleep?: guilty guilty

Cried in public?: guilty, although not often or recently

Lied to your parents?: i'm sure i'm guilty of that at some point

Skipped class?: guilty... don't have to worry about that any more!

Skydived: innocent

Gotten jealous: more guilty than i'm proud of

good things...

Yes, yes. This is, in fact, the third post in a single day. I know. Completely amazing. Anyway.

Nena is an aunt! Her sister-in-law gave birth this morning. Kenzie has entered the world, strong and healthy.

I set up AIM on my work computer today. (I use the term "work" loosely.) I can't even tell you the last time I used my screen name. Seconds after logging on, I got an IM from a name I didn't recognize. I ignored it at first, but when I got kicked off and logged back on and got a second message, I decided to figure out who it was. It was, in fact, my friend Florian from Germany who spent one year at my high school my senior year as a foreign exchange student! I was very surprised to hear from him, not knowing how he found my screen name or anything. Apparently, he and Quinn have kept in touch off and on, he found the link to my blog from Quinn's, and I guess got my screen name from my blog profile. I was really excited to hear from him! Not that we were terribly close when he was here -- we only had one class together -- it's just that he's one of those friends who I really never expected to hear from ever again. Anyway, it was just cool to talk to him.

I had leftover chicken strips and a biscuit from KFC for lunch. Wonderfully satisfying. And Diet Coke is such a wonderful invention. I'm not as addicted as Rob, but I'm definitely more accustom to drinking it on a daily basis than I used to be. I usually limit it to one or two a day. I definitely have the hook-up here at the office... while I sit here, getting paid to spend 9 hours a day on the internet, I also get to listen to Sirius radio. It's pretty cool. I love that it doesn't have commercials, like regular radio. My only complaint, like Lisa's next door to me, is that they seem to have a limited selection of songs they play on each station. Even when you switch frequently between the indie rock station and the two alternative rock stations, you still wind up hearing the same songs repeatedly. There are a bunch more stations, but those are the ones I prefer. I tend to leave mine on indie and Lisa leaves hers on alternative, so eventually, if you wander the offices enough, you hear it all. Luckily no one here listens to country. I might have to shoot them if they did. While I'm a fan of some bluegrass stuff, the general country music hurts my head to even think about for very long. I was disappointed with Sirius' Christian stations. Even the "Christian Rock" one doesn't really play the new, popular stuff. (okay, so this paragraph was long and completely random.)

When I started this post, I'm pretty sure I had one more thing to say, which had I remembered, would have replaced the above paragraph, but alas, I have forgotten. Se la vi. (I don't know if I spelled that right. That's my American phonics version of it anyway.) Later.

kindred spirits...

(Clearly I don't actually work very much at my job.) I just started reading You Shall Know Our Velocity by Dave Eggers. Most writers that I enjoy all seem to be, to some degree, introverts. I guess they write to get out the dialogue in their heads -- like me. I stopped when I came to this line in the book today: "There are people who meet strangers and people, like me, who know only those they've known from birth." Read my previous post for the obvious connection.

working on it...

So here's the thing. I don't make friends well. I don't mean that in the "nobody likes me... guess I'll go eat worms" sort of way. I mean that I don't know how to build new close relationships that aren't already established. This comes easier for social people, or so it seems. I'm not social. I really have to work at being so at times. And when being social isn't the convenient thing to do, it's even harder. I'm in a position where my room mates and I get along, but I'm realistically in such a "different place" in my life than they are that it makes spending quality time with them difficult. When I'm able to be home, they're busy cramming for tests and finishing projects, which means we might be able to "spend time together" (be in the same room) but we're not really hanging out. When that's the case, I'd usually rather go hang out with Rob and the guys who have nothing else to do but hang out when there's not something on the schedule. This makes me seem distant from my room mates, which I realize and they resent at times. So then I think to myself that I need to find people (namely girls) who are in roughly the "same place" in life as I am who I can build closer relationships with. But the problem then becomes that those people are so dang busy that there isn't much time in their schedules where we can build those relationships. Nena and Holly, for example. Love, love, love both of them, but they are two of the most thinly stretched people I know already. Nena and I, luckily, seem to have a cool connection, despite the fact that we don't have much hang-out time. And Holly and I have really gotten closer since we became each other's prayer partners. I really enjoy the times she and have spent talking and praying together. Although there is a great deal of truth to my feelings of lacking close friends right now, I think part of it is also me being jealous of what the guys are able to have. Not a bad, viscious kind of jealous; just that I see what they have and realize how good it is and wish that I could have the same. They all are able to take lunch-time off on any given day of the week and eat together and have great conversations. None of us girls have that luxury. Holly's in Jacksonville for work, and she and Nena are teachers anyway, which means no off-site lunch ever. And I don't leave the office for lunch. And my girls at the house have school. So basically, that'll never happen. And then there's the fact that the guys seem to be able to spend all this time together in the evenings just hanging out. The guys who are still students I think just don't care about studying as much as my girls do, so that frees up some of their time! But other than that, Rob has the opportunity to live with Mike, who also isn't a student, so they don't have homework, so they get to sit around and play x-box. Now don't get me wrong, I have no interest whatsoever in playing x-box. That's not the point. I don't know what my point is anymore. I'm just rambling. I guess I'm just asking that God would ordain the appropriate friendships for me, and reveal to me what those friendships are. I know that developing close friendships is necessary for my mental and emotional health, and I know that if I don't work on that now, it will be much easier to neglect once I'm married. Marriage is something I am desperately looking forward to, but I also know that I need to keep the rest of my life in balance, as well. This seems to be harder for me than some people, so I'm doing my best to cover it in prayer and seek God's will in it. I covet your prayers, as well. Lift me up as you think of it. Thanks.

grace and peace