Jan 22, 2004

feeling used, but in a good way...

I went through a time last year when I really felt like I wasn't being used by God in any significant way. I was a little torn between churches, so I wasn't really plugged into a specific ministry. On top of that, I really wasn't building personal relationships to the degree that I should have. This year I feel like that has all turned around completely. I'm plugged in at Anastasia, especially in Fusion, and I love it. People talk about how much they appreciate me/us making such sacrifices to lead Fusion, but to me it's no sacrifice at all. It's what I enjoy doing for the sake of God's ministry. Secondly, I feel like God has blessed and provided me with so many meaningful friendships this year. I don't just feel like I've made a lot of new friends this year (although I do feel that way); I feel like the friendships that have emerged have been so important to my spiritual development. Off the top of my head, I can think of at least four friends that I have made this year that are Christians who are incredibly encouraging to me. I know all of us are glad we were able to meet one another because we have all become so important in each others' lives. In addition, I have had the opportunity this year to become friends and acquaintances with several people who are not Christians. I don't know exactly how God is using me in those relationships, but I'm certain He's doing something, whether I can see it or not. Anyway, it's a good feeling to know that God is working in and through me. I'm quite encouraged.

Jan 21, 2004

May the horse be with you!!

-random Relient K quote of the day!

Jan 19, 2004

good day...

Today has been surprisingly good, despite the fact that it's a Monday and I had FIVE classes. My middle class of the day is Applied Linguistics, which I am totally loving. I'm one of those weird people who actually enjoys grammar, and I'm fascinated by language, so this class is right up my alley. It also has me thinking again about what I want to do when I graduate. I'm studying to be an elementary teacher, but I'm not sure if that's really my ultimate goal, or just an intermediate goal. Since I started this class, I have also started thinking about the possibility of doing something in speech pathology or speech therapy or something like that. I'm not totally sure what those careers actually entail, but I'm looking into it.

Not too much else to say today. I'm going to IV's first meeting of the semester in just a few minutes, so hopefully it will be great. I'm looking forward to it.

~have a lovely evening!~
glad it happened anyway...

Holding you, I held everything. For a moment, wasn't I a king? If I'd only known how this king would fall, now who's to say that i'd have changed it all. I'm glad i didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go. For our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but i'd of had to miss the dance.

-from Rob's away message
Here's a quote from a new blog I started reading. I'm linking to him on the side of the page, also. Give it a look sometime.

God accepts us in who we are and where we are at in our lives. This does not mean he does not want us to change... but he invites us to sit down at his table no matter if we are a pope or a prostitute. This means we too must also sit down with people as Christ did. Because in God's eyes, we are all broken but it will never stop him from loving us.

Jan 18, 2004

God's so perfect...

Funny how God works everything out perfectly. At Fusion Leadership meeting tonight we had a specific time of sharing with each other that turned out to be really sort of cleansing. We shared with each other an aspect about ourselves that we knew we struggled with, or that we knew we needed to work on. It especially helped me see some things more clearly about situations going on right now in my life. I finally verbalized some things that I have been aware of in my head, and somehow speaking them out-loud helped me make them true in my heart, as well. One thing I acknowledged was that I often pray for God's will to be done above my own and for God to do whatever He sees fit in a given situation, yet when God actually starts to answer a prayer request by doing His will and doing whatever He sees fit, I get all upset because things aren't happening the way I thought they should. When I pray the prayer, I mean it, but when it actually happens, it's a lot harder to accept. I said it's almost like lying to myself by first saying that I do want God's will yet not accepting it when it's offered. As I mentioned, verbalizing these facts seemed to help me so much. In my present "situation" I had already determined earlier this week that I was okay with whatever the outcome would be, but tonight I really came to understand that this indeed was God answering my prayer... in His own way rather than mine. I dealt with the situation, and now I feel infinitely better. I'm so glad God takes such good care of me! And I am finally starting to realize that things work out better when I don't try to fight the answers God gives me! Anyway, that's all. It was a good night.