May 14, 2005

thinking back...

"We should stay here."

The best thing that was said to me all week.

Blue sky, porch shade. Breeze-shuffled branches. Hammock taut, suspending me. Tiny spider resting suspended amidst hanging plant. Now and again the mosquito, clearly confusing mid afternoon for dusk. Afternoon of Eggers. A Heartbreaking something-or-other; Ends with Genius; First half, last half... never the whole thing at once. Two chapters in, pause to write this. Flops on chair for easy access. Phone close for who knows why. Pens, just in case... always.
I like our seashells.
Why is that one getting dried out?
Odd chairs... like marshmallows.

Hawks circle on wind currents. Far removed from the surface. I like hawks. Small birds twitter and chase. The ones that wake me at 6am.
Tires sound funny on brick streets.
Music --live maybe-- drifts from the Winery. Maybe not live; too varied. Circular, fountain-esque sprinkler in neighbor's yard. Like the ones I ran through... that was forever ago... getting old. Flippant striped awning of sprinkler house. Detestable honeysuckle blossoms asymmetrically draped across needless archway. Who really likes the smell anyway? And it really is pointless. Like that gate with no fence in Canton.
**phone call**
Unexpectedly good day. Never noticed that bird-feeder. Enough writing, more Eggars. I like him. Maybe two books in one month. Unprecedented! Right word? Don't know. Don't care. Back to reading now.

May 13, 2005

a jumbled mess...

So I think this being bored and by myself thing that I've got going on lately is really taking a toll on me mentally. I'm for real. As an introvert, I already spend too much time over-analyzing situations and drawing inaccurate conclusions in my head and what-not, but leave me by myself with nothing to do for twelve hours a day and it becomes far worse. Multiply that by three weeks and you have Megan starting to lose her marbles. So that's where I am right now. So for anyone in my life who thinks I've been a little weird lately, you're right, I have. And I apologize. As for the over-analyzing thing, that really is something I'm struggling with. It's everything, even the tiny little insignificant things, everything's getting to me right now. And I'm overly emotional about everything, too, which is very unlike me. Emotionally right now I feel just like I do during horribly stressful times like finals week. And from the logical viewpoint, I have no reason to be that way. I think I just don't know how to handle such a drastic change in routine. I'm used to being crazy-busy with hardly any down time, with a house full of equally busy people. Now I'm bored out of my mind, the house is empty most of the day, and "to add insult to serious injury" I'm broke as a joke, so there's not even a lot for me to do. I know, the logical advice, first off, would be for me to spend the time I can with people. Like tonight, the girls all went out, and I stayed home. I don't do groups well. I can only tolerate any group of people for a short period of time before the simple fact of being in a group stresses me out. That's odd, I know. I've only ever met a few people who feel the same way as me about that. The second part of the logical advice that people are likely to give me is the part that I should pay more attention to. There are things that I could find to do... things that don't even cost money. My big plan for tomorrow is to go to the library and check out a book and read it. I successfully completed a book already in my time off, which is a big accomplishment for me. Hopefully I'll find another good one that will keep my interest. Additionally, I need to be reading my Bible more. I've been semi-consistent with my quiet times, but not as much as I would hope. And even beyond my quiet times, if I have all this time on my hands, why not get in the Word more?

Okay, so this post is more like Megan giving herself advice, and potentially not very interesting for everyone else to read, but I think it may have helped me to put this in writing. Thanks for listening.

May 12, 2005

the little allison...

allison harper lee Posted by Hello

This is my baby niece Allison. The picture was taken when she was only three days old. She is now nearly four months... and has taken a liking to screaming. Mom, who has been baby-sitting weekdays, is not such a fan of that. But Mom is done as of tomorrow. Next week the other grandma will be in town watching her, and after that it's summer for Amy (my sister-in-law) because she teaches.

Here are a few things I am looking forward to in the near future: getting a job; trip to NYC with the youth choir; trip to Atlanta for the 4th with Rob (and seeing the Briants); tonight's episode of the O.C.; potential of going to Cornerstone on Saturday; potential of going to the Bright Eyes concert in June; the up-and-coming six-month anneversary. All terribly out of order. Things I am not looking forward to: attempting to get my finances in order; writing an essay for my scholarship; going to Jacksonville tomorrow to do a chore requested by my mother; baby screaming at me when I get there; conflict of interests and events next weekend. Sorry nothing remarkably interesting to write about today. Such is my life. Erica has departed for New Jersey and won't return until the end of August, so we are down to four for now. Marilyn is trudging her way through Design 1 for summer term. Krissy and I are both looking for jobs and are enjoying the sleeping in late, although she has her internship, so she legitimately has more to do with her days than I do. I hardly see Nicole. Christina sounds like all is well in Orlando. And last we heard, all was well for Jess in New York. So that's the room mate update. Peace out.

May 10, 2005

number three...

look what the tide brought in... Posted by Hello
Okay, I think this is the last picture post of the day. This was taken near the pier here in St. Augustine (you can see the pier in the upper right corner). I want to put together an online album of all my photos and then put a link on my blog... if anyone has any suggestions of what program to use, please let me know. I'm clueless. I guess I could check out other people's blogs and see what they're using, but if you have a suggestion let me know.

rob and meg Posted by Hello

self portrait, mirror Posted by Hello
So this is me. I don't guess I've posted a picture of myself before. I finally decided today to scan in a bunch of my photography so that I could post some of it here, so more photos will appear in days to come.

Info about my work, for those who care:
I do traditional gelatin-silver prints (meaning not digital). My camera is a Nikon N75. I use Agfa 400 film. I prefer printing on Ilford RC pearl paper, but I also print on Ilford Fiber, both glossy and matte. (The paper makes a world of difference.) I use both condenser and cold-tone enlargers, but generally prefer the cold-tone. That's about all the technical information. For now, all my printing is done in Flagler's dark room. Maybe one day when I grow up and have my own house, if I'm still really into it, I'll be able to have my own dark room. For now, I just make do.