May 13, 2005

a jumbled mess...

So I think this being bored and by myself thing that I've got going on lately is really taking a toll on me mentally. I'm for real. As an introvert, I already spend too much time over-analyzing situations and drawing inaccurate conclusions in my head and what-not, but leave me by myself with nothing to do for twelve hours a day and it becomes far worse. Multiply that by three weeks and you have Megan starting to lose her marbles. So that's where I am right now. So for anyone in my life who thinks I've been a little weird lately, you're right, I have. And I apologize. As for the over-analyzing thing, that really is something I'm struggling with. It's everything, even the tiny little insignificant things, everything's getting to me right now. And I'm overly emotional about everything, too, which is very unlike me. Emotionally right now I feel just like I do during horribly stressful times like finals week. And from the logical viewpoint, I have no reason to be that way. I think I just don't know how to handle such a drastic change in routine. I'm used to being crazy-busy with hardly any down time, with a house full of equally busy people. Now I'm bored out of my mind, the house is empty most of the day, and "to add insult to serious injury" I'm broke as a joke, so there's not even a lot for me to do. I know, the logical advice, first off, would be for me to spend the time I can with people. Like tonight, the girls all went out, and I stayed home. I don't do groups well. I can only tolerate any group of people for a short period of time before the simple fact of being in a group stresses me out. That's odd, I know. I've only ever met a few people who feel the same way as me about that. The second part of the logical advice that people are likely to give me is the part that I should pay more attention to. There are things that I could find to do... things that don't even cost money. My big plan for tomorrow is to go to the library and check out a book and read it. I successfully completed a book already in my time off, which is a big accomplishment for me. Hopefully I'll find another good one that will keep my interest. Additionally, I need to be reading my Bible more. I've been semi-consistent with my quiet times, but not as much as I would hope. And even beyond my quiet times, if I have all this time on my hands, why not get in the Word more?

Okay, so this post is more like Megan giving herself advice, and potentially not very interesting for everyone else to read, but I think it may have helped me to put this in writing. Thanks for listening.

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