"I'm finding myself at a loss for words,
and the funny thing is it's okay."

-Mercy Me from "Word of God, Speak"

"Hello, friends. I'm your Vitameatavegamine girl. Are you tired, run-down, listless? Do you poop out at parties? Are you unpopular? Well, the answer to all your problems is in this little bottle..."

(for those of you who don't know what this is from, shame on you! I would quote the whole thing, but it's much too long, and it would be far too strange to demonstrate that I could actually quote the whole thing from memory!)

-from the I Love Lucy show

"Smile on my face, and an air guitar rockin'!"

-relientK from "sadie hawkins dance"

I was encouraged today when I came across someone else's sight. He had a couple of posts about the wonder of God's creation. He just talked a bit about enjoying nature and seeing God's handiwork in the flight habits of a sparrow he saw one day. It amazes me how each tiny detail about life and creation has been strategically (sp?) planned by God to work perfectly. Incredible.

God spoke to me this morning in my quiet time. I was (am) reading in Numbers. I'm in chapter 11 where the children of Israel decided that they were sick of eating manna and wanted meat. They continued their complaining until God more or less couldn't stand it any more. He said (in paraphrase), "Okay, tomorrow you're going to eat meat. You're not going to eat it for one day, or two, or five, or ten, or twenty, but for a whole month. You're going to eat it till it's commin' out your nose and you get sick at the very thought of it." Quite honestly, that paraphrase isn't very far off from the actual verses! (11:18-20) God was really frustrated with the children of Israel because all they had been doing since they left Egypt was complain. Every day they got worse; they kept saying, "we should go back to Egypt; it was better there than it is here." I mean, look at it from God's perspective: He just rescued these people from a horrible life of slavery and has them on their way to basically the greatest place on earth, and all they can do is gripe and complain about what's on the menu! Sounds incredible, but that's what we do. Or at least I do. Day after day God protects us and even rescues us from bad situations, but as soon as we're out of trouble, we start finding things to complain about. And even though God has us on the path to bigger and better things, we don't have enough patience, or faith, to wait till we get there. Instead, we say, "hey God, I can just go back where I was. I'll be okay." YOU IDIOT!! No you won't be okay! God just had to rescue you from that place, and somehow you think if you go back there now it might be better?? We're awefully dumb sometimes! Anyway, God showed me that I'm often ungrateful for the things He's doing in my life, and I lack the faith to trust Him to take me to a better place. But I'm starting to learn! Through God, there's hope for all of us!

Praise God, I finally have at least one job interview on Saturday!!!! It's about time!

This is a portion of something I wrote in my journal back on March 2. I told a friend I would post these lyrics, but they deserve a little into.

This morning I heard Sara Groves "Painting Pictures of Egypt." It talks about leaving Egypt for the Promised Land, but along the way we start thinking that Egypt wasn't so bad and we want to go back. BUT thank God, He doesn't let us go back. But, as the song points out, He might let us stay in the desert for a while so that we will recognize and appreciate the Promised Land when we reach it. The desert only emphasizes the awesomeness of the Promised Land. Wow.

here's the lyrics

"Painting Pictures of Egypt" by Sara Groves

I don't want to leave here;
I don't want to stay.
It feels like pinching to me either way.
And the places I long for the most
Are the places where I've been.
They are calling out to me like a long lost friend.

It's not about losing faith;
It's not about trust.
It's all about comfortable
When you move so much.
And the place I was wasn't perfect
But I had found a way to live.
And it wasn't milk or honey
But then neither is this.

I've been painting pictures of Egypt,
Leaving out what it lacked.
The future feels so hard
And I want to go back.
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I've learned.
And those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned.

The past is so tangible;
I know it by heart.
Familiar things are never easy to discard.
I was dying for some freedom,
But now I hesitate to go,
I am caught between the promise
And the things I know. (chorus)

If it comes too quick
I may not appreciate it.
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
If it comes too quick
I may not recognize it.
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

My prayer currently is that God will show me where He wants to use me. Sometimes I feel so "unused" and it makes me a little discouraged, yet I have no idea what it is that God wants me to do. Tonight at Danny and Tina's we were talking about the singles' department, and everybody shared their opinion of it, and what-not, and I think all of us are at the point where we are saying, "yeah, things need to change, but what is there that I can do about it?" We, or at least I, feel like we're "not in a position to lead" as somebody put it tonight. And I definitely am feeling like there's nothing I can do because I'm kinda torn between churches in a way-- my "home church" and my "school church." I feel like I'm "not in a position to lead" in either place (yet) because I'm not permanently at either one of them. And let me say that choosing between two really great churches is a very tough thing to do, but I feel like it's something I'm going to need to do very soon. Talking about not knowing what God wants me to do, last night as I laid in my bed unable to fall asleep, I was half-thinking half-praying about the fact that I really don't know what I want to do with my life. That may come as a shock to some of my friends, because they all seem to think I'm the one that's got it all together and knows where I'm going and all that jazz. But last night I decided that whatever I do, I want it to be what I love, but the problem is I don't know what that is yet! That's a frustrating thing! I guess all I need to do is take my own advice... have patience and faith.

I've obviously got a lot on my mind tonight. Please pray for our college department, and for me to see God's will (in all situations) as it comes along.

Remember, there's always a desert between Egypt and the Promised Land. Have patience and faith.

Sonnet CXVI (116) by Shakespeare

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Hey, if any of you have comments or feedback on stuff you read here, please e-mail me, since I don't have a comments section up yet. (I'm working on that.) Let me know your opinion of stuff.

You know those Bible story movies that come on late at night on the Christian TV station and nobody ever really watches them.... well, I just finished watching part of one. It was the story of Joseph, and the part I watched ended right around Genesis 50:20, "But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive." In other words, Joseph told his brothers not to worry any more about the fact that they hated his guts, sold him into slavery, and let their dad think he was dead. Instead of holding all that against them, he said, "hey, why don't you guys all move here to Egypt with me, and I'll take care of you for the rest of your lives." HOW INCREDIBLE!!! I can hardly think of a better example of human forgiveness. Makes me think of how quick we are to hold a grudge or be on "non-speaking terms" or whatever the case may be. We somehow think our problems are soooo huge, like, "she didn't go to the movies with me, so she's not my best friend any more!" Okay, that makes it sound a little first-grade-ish, but in reality, most of the stuff we get worked-up over is just about as stupid as that! Lyrics to a song just came to my mind, so I'll go ahead and quote it, too.

"Let it be" by Superchick

some people bring you gifts, some bring you bricks to weigh you down, so they can swim a little higher while you drown. some people mean so well their way was the best way that they found, but any other way you chose is a brick that weighs you down. so tell me, what do I do with this backpack full of bricks, of sticks and stones and words that stuck to me like ticks?
Let it go, let it be. brick by brick we can be free of all the words we've saved till we were our own enemies. let it go, let it be. brick by brick we can believe in the person God intended us to be. let it be.
some people give themselves a brick, i know most people do. when we compare we fall short somewhere; it's always true. if all we see is where we fall we've bricked a prison wall. instead of trying to learn to fly we've taught ourselves to crawl. so tell me, what do I do with this backpack full of bricks of sticks and stones and words that stuck to me like ticks?
Let it go, let it be. brick by brick we can be free of all the words we've saved till we were our own enemies. let it go, let it be. brick by brick we can believe in the person God intended us to be. let it be.
we could believe in ourselves more. we could try for unique, instead of trying to conform. we could defy what they tell us. don't buy the lies they sell us. if we're brave we can believe in what we are. (chorus)

Okay, so there is a lot more to be learned from the story of Joseph besides just letting go of things, but I thought that was a good point in itself. I know it's something I've had to be reminded of recently.

This is a fabulously true quote, although most adults would deny there being any truth in it whatsoever. And, in advance, I apologize to my friends who are themselves parents who may be reading this! Please keep in mind, it was written by an adult!

We hear a great deal about the rudeness of the rising generation. I am an oldster myself and might be expected to take the oldsters' side, but in fact I have been far more impressed by the bad manners of parents to children than by those of children to parents. Who has not been the embarrassed guest at family meals where the father or mother treated their grown-up offspring with an incivility which, offered to any other young people, would simply have terminated the acquaintance? Dogmatic assertions on matters which the children understand and their elders don't, ruthless interruptions, flat contradictions, ridicule of things the young take seriously--sometimes of their religion--insulting references to their friends, all provide an easy answer to the question "Why are they always out? Why do they like every house better than their home?" Who does not prefer civility to barbarism?

-C.S.Lewis from "The Four Loves"

1 Corinthians 13:1-8a (NIV)
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres.
Love never fails.

I believe 1 Corinthians 13 is one of the most incredible chapters in the Bible. First, it instructs us on what true love is. But even deeper than that, since God Himself is called Love, it describes God's characteristics to us. This is verses 1-7 from The Message.

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

For emphasis, I might post these verses from some other translations in a little wile. We'll see.