Torment. Excitement. A mixture. Anticipation. Fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of messing up. Excitement about the possibilities. Nervous about whether or not it's "right." Nervous about whether or not it's real. What if it's not real? What if it's an illusion? What if it is real? What then? What if I'm not making it up, not imagining? Then we have the real issue. Then I have to come face to face with a million other things. Maybe not a million. Maybe two or three. But they're huge. Huge like a million. Huge "other things." Are they worth the fear? I'm not sure. But until I have to face them or until they go away, the fear will remain. Patience. My advice to anyone else would be "have patience." I wish they would tell me that. "What are you going to do?" they ask. Do? I'm not going to do anything. I'm going to be me. I'm going to let life happen. I'm going to let things happen as long as I'm comfortable with them happening. When I become uncomfortable with things that are happening, I will take the necessary steps to alter the situation. It's not my place to "do" anything right now. It's my place to have patience. Patience to wait. So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to wait. I'm going to be me and I'm going to wait and I'm going to do what I think is right at the right times.
And waiting is far harder than anything I could ever "do."