Jul 28, 2004


Maybe it's just plain jealousy.  Idunno.  I was reading several blogs today, by way of links from other blogs, when I came to realize that most other Christian bloggers seem to write solely about spiritual matters.  They seem deep and meaningful, and the posts I read were quite good and had valuable things to say.  So why is it that I find myself writing most days about what I had for dinner or what the kids did?  Am I less of a person, spiritually speaking, than they who write spiritually?  Couldn't they just be "praying loudly on street corners"?  I am certainly not the one to judge their sinceriety, besides the fact that I truely do enjoy most of the ones I have read.  But regardless of whether they are being real or not, I have come to a conclusion regarding my ho-hum writing.  I can't write about what I'm learning from God when I'm not taking the time to listen to Him.  To be totally and completely frank, my consistency in my personal time with God has been pushed to the back burner this summer.  Being on the back burner doesn't mean it's gone completely; it just means it is not receiving the attention it deserves.  (For the record, the stereo in my car is messed up right now, and I'm beginning to believe God let it break so we could have more time to talk!)  While I do not believe reading the Bible daily is a direct command of God, I do believe frequent Bible-reading is a critical part of one's relationship with God.  It's the main way we hear what God has to say to us and what His will is for us.  So if we say that knowing God's will is so important, why don't we investigate it constantly?  Why don't I?  Why was it so easy for six years for me to read my Bible every single day, yet all of a sudden in a single year, when I feel my life as a Christian is at a much higher level than it ever has been, it is now like pulling teeth?  Option A is that for six years it was just part of the routein.  Now that it has deeper significance, it doesn't just "happen," it takes effort.  (I had an Option B, but I forgot what it was.)  I've been talking to God daily about this for some time now.  I realize, and admit to Him, that when I do read His Word I love it.  I can't get enough, once I'm started.  It's just that "getting started" part that seems to be hard right now.  Lately, I've been averaging about three days a week on my Bible reading.  I know God doesn't keep score, but I also know that I could give Him a lot more of my time and consideration.  He deserves far more than I am giving Him.  Granted, He deserves far more than I ever could give Him.  I don't know where I'm going with all of this.  I guess this is just my confession.  In Sunday school, Bryan mentioned how we put up guards around ourselves by always asking prayer requests for other people, never acknowledging our own needs, thereby never allowing anyone to really know anything about us.  I thought of this today.  I thought it would be appropriate for me to acknowledge my shortcomings.  I also thought today about something that I heard once, or more than once: if it is easy (or costs you nothing), it is not really sacrifice.  For me, worshipping God through songs is not really sacrifice.  It doesn't cost me anything, and it's not really "hard" for me.  I don't know that I would call reading my Bible a sacrifice either, but it may turn out to be even more valuable in my life since it is something that is a little more difficult, at least right now.  These are my thoughts.  These are my confessions.

No comments: