Jul 15, 2003

What a good day! It's just incredible! Starting from the time I got off work, everything has been so amazing for me. It's not like anything huge has happened; it's just a bunch of little things that all seem to fit perfectly. And right now, I just have such a complete peace. I've been praying for some of my friends lately just to have a peace about various situations in their lives, and it's pretty cool that God turns that around and makes it work for me, also. Between the e-mails I got earlier and the conversation I had tonight, there's like a million things on my mind. Usually, this would give me ample "reason" to feel either stressed out or overwhelmed or just to be thinking way too hard about stuff that doesn't really matter currently, but tonight--tonight I'm just at peace and it's really nice.

It would probably be really effective for me just to leave it at that, but like I said, there's a million things on my mind, so I have plenty to say! First of all, to some dear friends of mine who are both dealing with a lot right now (hopefully you know who you are), just know that God already has it all planned out for you--whatever "it" may be. Nextly--if you've never been away for an extended period of time from the people who you've always known, for example going away to college, then you CANNOT understand how much it changes everything about your life. I know I'm not alone when I say this, because it seems to be a common trend among those who go away--more specifically, those who go away and come back. Don't assume that I mean that my life is horrible now, or anything like that. In fact, it's quite the opposite. But never-the-less (that' supposed to be all one word, but it's harder to read that way) my life has been drastically changed by going away and coming back. Like I said, you can't understand unless you've been there. Here's how it is, as best as I can describe it. Every day that I'm here, I'm pining to be back in St. Augustine. The sights, the sounds, the places, the people, my school, my church--everything. I miss it so much. Laci and I talked tonight about how we both have decided that we're ready (with some other girls) to get a place to live down there, which means we would basically stay there permanently, or at least till-we-graduate kind of permanent. And very possibly afterwards, as well. Erin was talking to me last night and she said, "Megan, I don't want you to go back" and added, "you'll come back a lot, right? like every weekend?" I just said, "well....." which implied, "no, not really." That's hard for me to tell people because these are the people I know and love. What, then, you ask, would make me want to leave? Like I said, it's hard to explain. Laci said it's something that gets inside of you and calls you back and makes it impossible for you to stay gone. (I told her that sounded like the theme for a scary movie that we could make!) I guess what it really is, for me at least, is that I know if I stay here, things will always be like they've always been, which isn't horrible, I just feel like it would hold me back from ever reaching my potential, in a way. I'm not quite sure how that all works; it's just how I feel. I feel like getting "my own" place in St. Augustine would be the only way in which I could become a fully independent adult. Somehow I think that if I tried to stay here I would never completely be out on my own. It would always be Sunday dinner at Mom and Dad's, not for the fellowship, but just because it was a free meal. If I move to St.Aug, however, a Sunday dinner with the parents would be a lot more special. Okay, I'm really just rambling at this point, and trying to rationalize why I want to leave all these great people that I have here. Completely unexplainable. It's just something that I feel like I need to do. Maybe I don't need to completely understand it. And I certainly don't believe that I am required to explain it to anyone else. So, to all my friends, let it be known that this very well may be my last summer in Jacksonville. No, I won't completely abandon you; I'll be back for visits. And I'm already planning for Uno nights at "my place" whenever we get an apartment or something. It'll be fun to have a bunch of you guys come down and hang out. On that note, I'm headed for bed. G'night.

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