SUPER!!!!

I had such an incredibly awesome day today! I just got finished writing two long e-mails about it, so I can't really afford the time to write about it again here, but maybe I'll post details in a day or so. The basics though are that God is doing awesome things in my life. It's absolutely incredible.

Today I'm thankful for...
-Christina
-ladies' Bible study
-journaling
-God's Word to us
-God's provisions for us
-God's perfect timing!
-the impact people have on other people
-the fact that God chooses to use us!

feeling used, but in a good way...

I went through a time last year when I really felt like I wasn't being used by God in any significant way. I was a little torn between churches, so I wasn't really plugged into a specific ministry. On top of that, I really wasn't building personal relationships to the degree that I should have. This year I feel like that has all turned around completely. I'm plugged in at Anastasia, especially in Fusion, and I love it. People talk about how much they appreciate me/us making such sacrifices to lead Fusion, but to me it's no sacrifice at all. It's what I enjoy doing for the sake of God's ministry. Secondly, I feel like God has blessed and provided me with so many meaningful friendships this year. I don't just feel like I've made a lot of new friends this year (although I do feel that way); I feel like the friendships that have emerged have been so important to my spiritual development. Off the top of my head, I can think of at least four friends that I have made this year that are Christians who are incredibly encouraging to me. I know all of us are glad we were able to meet one another because we have all become so important in each others' lives. In addition, I have had the opportunity this year to become friends and acquaintances with several people who are not Christians. I don't know exactly how God is using me in those relationships, but I'm certain He's doing something, whether I can see it or not. Anyway, it's a good feeling to know that God is working in and through me. I'm quite encouraged.

May the horse be with you!!

-random Relient K quote of the day!

good day...

Today has been surprisingly good, despite the fact that it's a Monday and I had FIVE classes. My middle class of the day is Applied Linguistics, which I am totally loving. I'm one of those weird people who actually enjoys grammar, and I'm fascinated by language, so this class is right up my alley. It also has me thinking again about what I want to do when I graduate. I'm studying to be an elementary teacher, but I'm not sure if that's really my ultimate goal, or just an intermediate goal. Since I started this class, I have also started thinking about the possibility of doing something in speech pathology or speech therapy or something like that. I'm not totally sure what those careers actually entail, but I'm looking into it.

Not too much else to say today. I'm going to IV's first meeting of the semester in just a few minutes, so hopefully it will be great. I'm looking forward to it.

~have a lovely evening!~

glad it happened anyway...

Holding you, I held everything. For a moment, wasn't I a king? If I'd only known how this king would fall, now who's to say that i'd have changed it all. I'm glad i didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go. For our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but i'd of had to miss the dance.

-from Rob's away message

Here's a quote from a new blog I started reading. I'm linking to him on the side of the page, also. Give it a look sometime.

God accepts us in who we are and where we are at in our lives. This does not mean he does not want us to change... but he invites us to sit down at his table no matter if we are a pope or a prostitute. This means we too must also sit down with people as Christ did. Because in God's eyes, we are all broken but it will never stop him from loving us.

God's so perfect...

Funny how God works everything out perfectly. At Fusion Leadership meeting tonight we had a specific time of sharing with each other that turned out to be really sort of cleansing. We shared with each other an aspect about ourselves that we knew we struggled with, or that we knew we needed to work on. It especially helped me see some things more clearly about situations going on right now in my life. I finally verbalized some things that I have been aware of in my head, and somehow speaking them out-loud helped me make them true in my heart, as well. One thing I acknowledged was that I often pray for God's will to be done above my own and for God to do whatever He sees fit in a given situation, yet when God actually starts to answer a prayer request by doing His will and doing whatever He sees fit, I get all upset because things aren't happening the way I thought they should. When I pray the prayer, I mean it, but when it actually happens, it's a lot harder to accept. I said it's almost like lying to myself by first saying that I do want God's will yet not accepting it when it's offered. As I mentioned, verbalizing these facts seemed to help me so much. In my present "situation" I had already determined earlier this week that I was okay with whatever the outcome would be, but tonight I really came to understand that this indeed was God answering my prayer... in His own way rather than mine. I dealt with the situation, and now I feel infinitely better. I'm so glad God takes such good care of me! And I am finally starting to realize that things work out better when I don't try to fight the answers God gives me! Anyway, that's all. It was a good night.

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all


I never know what the future brings
but I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
and I hope you are the one I share my life with


I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

-from Kim's away message

"I Belong to You" by Superchic[k]

everybody needs to belong somewhere
life can feel so alone without someone who cares
and when life becomes something just to get through
that's when i'm glad that i belong to You

i belong to You
i belong to You
You're the One who will never let me down
won't let me down
i belong to You

sometimes life brings more pain than we can bear alone
when hope is gone and i have no strength to stand on my own
when nothing helps, there's nothing that i can do
You surround me and show me i belong to You

i belong to You
i belong to You
You're the One who will never let me down
won't let me down
i belong to You

when love is gone, there's no arms to run to anymore
i'm all alone, there's no one for me to live for
letting go of the things i've always clung to
that's when i need to feel that i belong to You

i belong to You
i belong to You
You're the One who will never let me down
won't let me down
i belong to You

"The Great Society . . . is a place where men are more concerned with the quality of their goals than the quantity of their goods." Lyndon B. Johnson

He's everything I need...

Last night at Fusion was incredible! Everything was good, but particularly the last two songs. We did "You are beautiful, my sweet, sweet song...", which is my favorite, and then we did "Give me one pure and holy passion...", which is exactly what I needed to hear yesterday. It's funny how God points things directly at you sometimes. I couldn't have asked for more appropriate songs yesterday.

I'm really glad to be back in St. Augustine. I love it here. This week has been a little awkward, though. I think everyone's just a little weird around each other after not seeing each other for a while. Hopefully that will all pass in the next few days and everything will be back to normal.

Anyway, that's about all for now. I'll try to post again when there's some new information to be had. Later.

a good day, despite the facts...

It's cool when you read a Bible verse that you've heard a million times before but this time God decides to reveal something new to you about it. That happened to me today. Actually, I guess I didn't read the verse; Bro.Keith mentioned it tonight during the service. But at any rate, it was cool.

On another note, I was reminded tonight how important passion is to a meaningful Christian life. Some close friends of mine are quite discouraged right now about the lack of passion in those around them because it is affecting their ministry. One of them asked me for advice tonight and it was hard to come up with anything to tell them, but we had a good conversation about it and talked about a few ideas. I'm praying that things look up for them soon. Starting Tuesday, I'll be away again, so there's not much I can do to help them except pray for them and keep suggesting whatever I can think of.

"The facts" about today, for those who need to know, is that my grandad died this morning. So here's the story. He got put in the hospital the Monday before Christmas because he had a stroke. They did an MRI and found that he had a tumor on his brain, which caused the stroke. Tuesday they did surgery to remove the tumor. Surprisingly, he made it through the surgery. Since then, he was recovering pretty well. They moved him from the hospital to a rehab center this past week. Saturday morning, however, he choked, and apparently that put him in a far worse state. His heart was beating on its own, but everything else was being run by machines. Mom and her family were going to have to make a decision today of whether or not to keep the machines going, because that's not what my grandad wanted. This morning my mom got the call saying he passed away though, so in a way they were relieved not to have to make that decision. The family's all doing pretty well, but it's emotionally exhausting to have everyone and their brother ask about it, or call the house, or come by to visit, or say "I'm sorry about your grandad." I know it's all in good heart, and I would do exactly the same, but it does get tiring. And it's not even like it makes us upset to talk about it; it's just that it's the same thing over and over again all day long. It could be happy news and I'd be sick of it! But that will all pass soon, so I guess I should just be thankful that so many people care about us enough to mention it. Anyway, that's all. Thought you should know.

I'm ready to be in St. Augustine again!!! Can't wait till Tuesday! Until then, haircut and pictures and Erica tomorrow. Later.

the end...

I have worked my last day for Old Navy. It's been good, but I'm pretty glad I'm done. Retail is tough! I don't plan on having any future jobs in the industry. Speaking of future jobs, I was talking with my mom yesterday and I was like "How in the world do people ever decide what they want to do with their lives?" and the basic conclusion that I got from her was that people just do what makes money, and nobody ever really gets a job they love or even one they have dreamed about. That's depressing. It's my goal to enter into a career that I love that can also support me, but I haven't quite decided what that is yet. I have come upon one pretty cool opportunity, however. I'm probably going to stay the summer in Atlanta and work with Rex and Marti in their furniture shop! I'm really excited about that. We haven't worked out all the little details yet, but it is looking more and more like a definite possibility. I'll most likely be working on the "finishing" portion of the furniture-making, like staining and varnishing the wood and checking over last-minute details. Maybe that sounds boring to some people, but I really think I'll enjoy it. I've always been into stuff like that anyway.

Summer's still a while away. Current plans are to pack up this weekend to get ready to move back to school on Tuesday. I'm so ready to be back! According to my tentative schedule, I should have all the classes I signed up for, which is good. I'm to the point now that if I don't get exactly what I signed up for, it could possibly throw everything off. I've got a little extra space in my final semester of classes though, so hopefully that will be like a buffer if anything gets thrown off. I have the feeling I'll be INCREDIBLY busy this semester with my 18 credit hours and two seperate practicums. If you don't hear from me often, that's probably why! Anyway, for now I need to get to bed for church in the morning. Sweet dreams!

random...

I like the way Scott writes about stuff. Here's a post you should read. Contraversial, yet he doesn't cram an opinion down your throat. Rather just makes you think about things. Good stuff.

Here's another. I like it a lot.

so here's the story of New York... this will be long!

Monday, December 29: Andrew's train was four hours late!

Tuesday, December 30: Our train was basically on time. The train ride was LONG. Through the night none of us could sleep. We would all lay there with our eyes closed for 30 minutes or so, and then we would turn to each other and we were like "did you sleep any?" "no, did you?" "no." During the day though we dozed off here and there. We got into Philly on Tuesday around 6:00pm. Erica and her mom met us at the station and drove us back to her house in Atlantic City, NJ, which is about an hour and a half away. We stayed there for the night.

Wednesday, December 31: We got up and headed to the bus station. We planned on taking the 7:00am New Jersey Transit bus, but we missed it by like 2 minutes, so we took the 8:00 Greyhound. The ride to NY City is about 2 1/2 hours. When we got there, we took the subway to Erica's cousin's house. (Her cousin's name is Jackie, and she and her fiance Neil live together in an apartment on 71st just off Broadway.) We dropped all our stuff off at the apartment and went to Central Park and just wandered around a bit. We came back to the apartment and ordered a "real New York pizza" for lunch. I'm not personally very impressed by them. We hung out around the apartment for a while until it was time to go set up camp in Times Square for the big event. We got settled in at Times Square around 6:00. After a little confusion of where to go when we first got there, it wasn't too chaotic for the rest of the evening. Every hour there is a countdown, which is like a short-term goal to look forward to while you're out there freezing in the middle of the street. The five of us eventually decided to make a theme for each hour, among which were "20 questions" and "the group hug"... meaning we played 20 questions for a straight hour, and then stood in a group hug to conserve body heat for a straight hour. Finally midnight rolled around. Music played, confetti flew, the ball dropped, and fireworks went off. It was terrific. We all tried to call the people we had promised to call, but cell phone service was apparently overloaded because most of our calls wouldn't go through. So for those of you who didn't get a call, or got one an hour later, that's why, and we apologize. After it was over, we headed back to the apartment for the night.

Thursday, January 1: We took the opportunity to sleep in a little late. Jackie (who is incredibly awesome) cooked breakfast for us. We left and went down 5th Avenue to see a few shop windows. We made a quick stop in Sacks, only to be completely astonished by the price tags, and continued on to Rockefeller Center where we saw the famous Christmas tree and the ice skating rink. From there we went to the Empire State Building. From start to finish, that alone was a four hour ordeal. Needless to say, we were hungry by the time we exited the building. We subwayed back to the end of Jackie's street and called to find out the location of a nearby Chinese place she had suggested. She told us it was called Ollie's and we headed in its direction. The food was terrific. After dinner, we were completely beat, so we just went back to the apartment and watched a movie and a few tv shows and went to bed.

Friday, January 2: We woke up early (reasonably) and got ready. Jessica and her family live in Orange County, New York, and they came into the City and met up with us. We loaded our stuff into their cars that morning to get out of Jackie's way, and spent the rest of the day doing stuff around the City. We went to Ground Zero, the Statue of Liberty, The Pier mall (near the fish market), and made another stop in Times Square. Erica had to leave half-way through the day to go back home for a retreat. At the end of the evening the rest of us drove back to Jessica's house, which is about an hour and a half away. They live in a really cool log cabin style house. We watched a movie and then spent a little time in the hot tub. When we finally came back inside, we put in another movie, but three of the five of us were out in seconds, so we decided not to finish it. Christina and I woke up the other three and we all headed down to the basement room where we were staying for the night. We all got to sleep in beds! That was nice!

Saturday, January 3: We bummed out around Jessica's house for a while, and then caught the 3:30 train back to the City. This is where the story really begins. We arrived into Penn station and we had to find a place to keep our luggage because we had reservations at a comedy club that night. We weren't staying in the City that night, so we couldn't just leave our luggage where we would be staying. We needed somewhere to keep it until after the show when we would be catching the bus back to Atlantic City. None of the bus or train stations in NYC have lockers anymore since 9-11, so we left Penn station and went up to the Penn Hotel which is on the street above it. We asked one of the bell hop guys if we could store luggage at the front desk and he told us that it cost $4 a bag, but that we could. So we got in line and waited for like 15 or 20 minutes. When we got to the desk, they informed us that we could not keep our luggage there since we were not hotel guests. We were really ticked at the bell hop guy. Andrew and I sat with the luggage on a bench over to the side while Krissy and Christina ran around trying to find somewhere for us to keep our stuff. Finally they found out that we could check it at Penn station, so we took it back down there. We checked a map to figure out where we were going for the show. It looked really close, so we decided not to take the subway but to walk instead. We had about 30 minutes till we were supposed to be there at this point. We started walking, and within a short time we realized it was a lot further than we thought but it was too late to turn back and take the subway, so we continued on a frantic power-walk through the heart of New York City. We finally got to Caroline's (the comedy club) and all was well. The comedian was great, and the food and drinks were good, too. Afterward, we walked back to Penn station (which is not nearly as far when you're not in a hurry and sorta know where you're going!). We got our luggage and took the subway to the bus station. We got on the 11:30 bus to Atlantic City. You would think the story ends there, but alas, it has only just begun. We were on the highway and passed two other Greyhounds on the side of the road. Our driver pulled over and informed us that it is company policy that if she passes two other buses she has to pull over to make sure they're okay. (Not that there's anything she could have done for them, but it's their policy.) So she got back on the bus after checking on them, and within 5 minutes our bus died and we were the ones on the side of the road. What luck. The Jamacian woman in front of me saw the water in the grass on the side of the road and insisted that we were in the swamp and were going to be eaten by snakes. I thought to myself, "We're from Florida. That's no swamp. That's a puddle." The driver called the head office and they instructed her to pull off the highway, so she did. They told her a mechanic and another bus were coming. So we waited. The other passengers started getting really worked up. They were all tourists on their way to the casinos in Atlantic City, so they weren't happy about a broken bus taking up their gambling time. Among other things, one woman demanded that the driver call the police. What did she think the police would have done for us?! Another woman complained about how she was tired and hungry. The driver offered her ham sandwich to her, but the woman said she didn't eat ham. Several irate men from the back wanted phone numbers and addresses for the Greyhound offices, apparently so they could call and complain about the driver, as if it was her fault the bus broke down. Eventually a second bus came for us. It was 4:30am by the time we reached Atlantic City. Erica's mom graciously met us at the bus station and drove us back to her house. What a day.

Sunday, January 4: We slept. Obviously. Erica was back by the time we woke up, which was well after noon. We spent the remainder of the day watching movies and eating. Then we went back to bed!

Monday, January 5: Not much more exciting than Sunday. We got up, packed, stopped by the store for some snacks, and drove to Philly to catch the train. Luckily it was on time. 18 hours later, we were in Jacksonville.

Tuesday, January 6: Our train got into Jacksonville around 8:00am. Christina stayed on to go to Orlando. The remaining three of us got off. Krissy's dad dropped Andrew and I off at my house where we sat on the couch and watched tv and napped (well, I napped) for most of the day. Around 5:00 I drove him back to the train station yet again. Luckily, this time his train was on time. He got in line to board the train, and that concludes our events of the week. I went home, ate dinner, and crawled into bed by 7:00. A well-deserved full night's rest.

Random notes: When in NYC, be advised, Penn Station is much further from Times Square than it seems on the subway maps. Take the subway. Don't walk. If you plan on moving to the City, I hope you're rich. The apartment we stayed in had one bedroom, a combination living/dining room, a kitchen where you could touch all three walls at the same time, and a small bathroom, and it cost $2,000 a month. When on a trip, be sure to DOUBLE CHECK if you're leaving anything behind. Andrew successfully forgot something at every place we stayed. I also forgot my cell phone at Erica's and therefore didn't have it for most of the week. It's funny how dependent we are on those things! And a final note: if you're thinking about taking the train from Florida to New York, don't. Fly. It's worth the extra money. 18 hours is a long time.

I'M EXCITED!!!

Tomorrow's the big day!! Andrew's coming into Jax in the afternoon, and then we'll all meet up at the train station around midnight for our 1:00am train ride. Hopefully we'll all be able to sleep some on the train because that is going to be a LONG ride! Anyway, we'll get into Philly later in the day on Tuesday and Erica will meet us at the station. We'll head back to her house in Atlantic City for the night. Then Wednesday is the big day... NEW YEARS EVE!!!! We'll get up early in the morning and take the bus into New York City, drop our stuff at Erica's cousin's apartment, be tourists for a little bit, then park our butts out in Times Square for the looooooooong wait for the big event. WE'RE GOING TO FREEZE!!!! Toni was in New York last December and she said it's the coldest she's ever been in her life! Layers, layers, layers.... that's all I have to say. After we get out of Times Square, we'll spend the night at the apartment, and I guess the next day will be our official day of tourist stuff. After that, however, our plans are a little foggy. I'm not sure exactly where we're staying or what we're doing!!! But we'll figure it all out, and it'll be a blast no matter what, so I'm not concerned.

Can't wait till tomorrow!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I hope everyone had a terrific Christmas today. Mine was great. Mom cooked some wonderful food, and the brothers and respective families came over for a while. Grandaddy's still recovering in the hospital, so obviously he and Granny didn't come over today like they usually do. As for his condition, he's making progress, but they still won't know for a while how he's going to be. He's still pretty out of it from medication, but the more he wakes up the more he fights to get out of the bed. He's never liked doctors, hospitals, medicine, or anything else, so the more aware he is of where he is, the more he gets agitated. I guess that's good in a way, because it shows that he is responsive and aware, but I'm sure it makes him a little hard to deal with at times for the nurses. My personal, un-scientific and non-medical opinion is that he is going to recover quite well. I'm not sure why I'm so confident of this, but I'm frequently right about other things, so maybe I'll be right about this, as well. As for other things, I have two days of work, a day of church, and a day of hanging out before we get on the train for Philly! At the beginning of my 18 day countdown, I thought it would never get here. Now it seems so close!!! I'm unbelievably excited! I'm going to go get a few things done before bed time. Later.

4 days...

6 days, 5 1/2 hours...

Then I'll be on the train headed to Philly. When we get to Philly, we'll take a bus to Atlantic City. We'll chill out for the night, and then we'll take a bus to New York City. I'M SOOOOO EXCITED!!!! I pulled out my suitcase yesterday so I could just casually start chunking articles of clothing into it throughout the week, and I quickly realized how much space sweaters take up! I'm used to traveling during the spring and summer... in Florida. Tank tops and shorts are a lot more compact! I even proudly went to Europe for eight days in the spring time with only one small suitcase and a carry-on bag. I have a sneaking suspicion that I may have twice that for this trip! Or at least the luggage size may increase. Hopefully I'll be able to find a way to keep it reasonable.

Please pray for my grandad (Mom's dad) and my family. He was put in the hospital yesterday with symptoms similar to a stroke. When they did the MRI they found that he had a tumor on his brain. They took him in for surgery to remove the tumor about an hour ago. No one is sure how long he'll make it after the surgery or even if he'll make it through at all. He's quite old. Along with that, we got a call yesterday saying that my dad's uncle passed away. That one was a little more expected, but with the two things put together, it'll make for a less than cheery Christmas around here. I guess I'm feeling the least impact because I wasn't particularly close to either of them, but it's still a lot for the family to deal with during the week of Christmas. Just keep us in your prayers if you would.

On a lighter note, I had a pretty good day at work today, which says a lot since I was there at 7AM again and I worked for 8 hours when I had the slight possibility of working only 4. I got a break from the register today, which normally would NOT be a good thing because I hate working the floor, but today I did markdowns. Markdowns are fun for me because I get to work basically alone with my own little project (not really so little) and I'm pretty much in the same spot for a while rather than running around the store like everybody else. The only annoying part is that customers don't seem to notice when you're busy on a project; they want you to drop what you're doing in the men's department to come help them find something in the kids department even though there are 5 other employees standing in the kids department already! Ugh! It's not so bad, though. When the store is as busy as it has been lately, it should be expected that you'll get interruped more than you'd like. And it beats the heck out of dealing with the impatient customers who are checking out!

Anyway, that's about all for tonight. I'm gonna go get some stuff done and hopefully get to bed at a decent hour. But then again, I get to sleep in in the morning (YAY!) so getting to bed is not as much of a priority today. We'll see what happens...

(6 days, 5 hours!)

8 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

forgot about this...

I had forgotten all about this until I was talking to Krissy. I'm too tired to re-type it, so I'll copy and paste our conversation.

K: telllllllll me a story
m: just a sec....
m: hmmm....
m: a story...
m: oh here's one...
K: hehe
m: i was at work today, and there were like 5 million people in our store... so i'm ringing up a customer as quickly as possible b/c there's like 25 people in line behind her... and the phone rings...
m: i usually give it two or three rings to see if someone else picks up b/c i hate answering the phone while i'm ringing someone up...
m: but no one else could answer, so i picked up...
K: uh huh
m: the lady on the phone was like "what is the name of the dog in the truck?"... and I paused for a second to think about what she said and to figure out if I heard her right... and I said "Magic"... and she was like "pardon me?"... and I said "Magic".... and she said "Magic?".... and I said "yes ma'am"..... and she was like "M-A-G-I-C?".... and i was like "yes ma'am".....
m: and she said thank you and hung up...
m: i was like, i cannot believe she had the nerve to call on the busiest day of the year to ask the name of the Old Navy dog