Okay, I did finally finish that paper. Now for the details of last night that I promised.

The Edge was awesome. Quite honestly, when it was first getting started last night, I was a little nervous that it was going to be kind of weird. They passed out this sheet titled "uncommon senses" and it had something about each of the five senses and how we can worship God with them. They then said that there would be five "stations" where we would be able to put those forms of worship into practice. I was like, "okay, this is different," but once we got into it, it was really cool. We listened to music to praise Him with; we pressed huge nails on our skin to feel and remember the sacrifice He made for our sins; we ate bread to symbolize tasting God's will and being satisfied by it; we smelled incense, reminding us that we should have the odor of Christ; and we looked at the flame of a candle, representing the light of Christ in the world, which should be shining through our lives. Two cool analogies were made that I wouldn't have thought of on my own: First, Bobby mentioned the incense. He said in his generation, incense was associated with one thing... covering up the smell of pot. But just like that, Christ's "smell" covers our sins when we accept Him. The second analogy was made by Mason. He mentioned the smell in another way: he said we should have the sweat-smell of Christ, in that His "scent" should come out of every pore in our body. It's amazing how God has given us all our senses for practical reasons, yet we are fully able to worship Him with them, as well. The ongoing praise and worship portion of the service was awesome, as usual. I'm so glad to be a part of a body of believers that frequently comes together for some powerful times of worship. There are so many groups of well-intentioned Christians that just plain miss out on how real God is. I wish I had a way of showing them! I just want to scream at them sometimes: "Don't you get it? God is so huge! AND you have complete freedom in Him!" Experience the true freedom you have in Christ. Don't be held back by what we've been told for years we're "supposed" to do. Do what Christ alone tells you to do, and you will never go wrong.

AAAAAAAGH!

I'm trying to write this paper for one of my classes and I just feel like one big, continuous brain-fart! It's really quite a simple assignment, yet I keep drawing complete blanks. I'll type the first half of a sentence and just stop because the word I want to use will not come to me. That would be fine if it only happened once, but it's like every other sentence! I'm going crazy!!! I took a break from writing, and I'm... writing....? There's no rules to this kind of writing, though. Except that your fingers have to cooperate, which they're not doing so well right now. (Couldn't tell you how many times I hit 'backspace' in that last sentence! Rediculous.) Anyway, I'm going to take a real break for a minute, and then it's back to work. Later.

Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12/NIV


The Edge was incredible tonight. Details to follow tomorrow.

PSA (Public Service Announcement)...

Can ya tell I've been bored today? This is like the fourth time I've posted! Anyway, just wanted to make a "public service announcement" of sorts. I'm putting in a plug for Anastasia and all the great things going on there. First of all, tomorrow is The Edge at 8:00 pm. It's absolutely incredible and everyone who can come should. If you live around St. Auggie and are looking for a church, Sunday's contemporary service is at 9:30 followed by a Bible study time ("Sunday school") at 10:45. The college and career class is really growing and God is doing huge things. (Also, the same contemporary service is held every Saturday night at 6:00 pm) Wednesday nights is Fusion at 9:15 pm, and that's super awesome. This Sunday is the welcome back banquet for the college and career class, so we get a free meal after Bible study. Wednesday is the official Fusion kick-off, and food will be provided by Groovie Smoothie!! (How cool is that?!)

There was something else I was going to write about, but I've forgotten what it was. If I remember, I'll add an update to this post. I think coming back to school has fried my brain... I've forgotten so many things this week!

Okay, I'm off to get ready for a house party at "pink nasty".... that's the name of the house. Interesting, huh? Later.

A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.

--English Proverb

(from Laura's post at BEEN THERE, STILL THERE)

"Come, Thou Fount"

Come, Thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy praise.
Streams of mercy never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it, mount of Thy redeeming love.

...Jesus sought me when a stranger wand'ring from the fold of God.
He to rescue me from danger interposed His precious blood.

Oh, to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be.
Let Thy goodness like a fetter bind my wand'ring heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it; prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart, Oh take and seal it; seal it for Thy courts above.
Here's my heart, Oh take and seal it; seal it for Thy courts above.

(I omitted the first two lines of the second verse because they use language that none of us today understand. When I figure out what the lines mean, I will post them with an explanation.)



"God is Bigger" or "My Glorious" (not sure of the real title)

GOD is BIGGER than the AIR I breath, the WORLD we'll leave,
GOD will SAVE the day, and ALL will say "my GLORIOUS, my GLORIOUS"
And all You ever do is change the old for new
People, we believe that...
GOD is BIGGER than the AIR I breath, the WORLD we'll leave,
GOD will SAVE the day, and ALL will say "my GLORIOUS, my GLORIOUS"

[emphasis added especially for you, Allison!]

Something to think about...

"God's paths get you where you want to go. Right-living people walk them easily; wrong-living people are always tripping and stumbling." Hosea 14:9b [The Message]

I was reminded tonight how blessed I am. God has provided such an awesome fellowship of believers for me to be a part of while I'm at college. I met a bunch of new people tonight at "Praise and Prayer in the Palm Garden" which is totally the coolest thing ever. We all just sit out on the sidewalk in the palm garden and Dave plays his guitar and we all sing worship songs and pray. I'm so thankful for the Christian community that God allows me to be a part of here.

"Beautiful Savior, wonderful King..."

update: see Laci's post about "praise and prayer."

Random journal entry from this summer...

Tuesday, July 1, 2003

I was reading from The Four Loves because I finally decided to finish those last few pages. I stopped for a moment to journal because of the profound part I came across. The book talks about Need-loves and Gift-loves, where in Need-love you love someone or something because you need it and Gift-love is unmotivated and undeserved love, like loving criminals or loving those who don't quite appeal to you. The book mentions how although Gift-love is the higher form of love, if received, we are insulted by it. How true! We want to be loved (I want to be loved). Yet I have said before that I want to be needed. I have also said I despise "pity" friends, which while that is different than Gift-love, it still says that I want people to love me BECAUSE of me, not DESPITE me. I am glad, however, that God loves me despite me, yet at times I act as though He should love me because of me.

We need to get over ourselves and quit thinking we're so loveable! Quite honestly, we're often very unloveable! We make stupid choices that hurt other people, or we just aren't "God's gift to the universe" like we sometimes think we are! I'm glad God loves me dispite myself, and I'm glad He allows us humans to have the capacity to love that way, as well. We're not always so good at it, but He has enabled us to do it. We need to put God's kind of love into action in every way possible.

Random enough? I think so. Maybe it made some sense anyway! Later.

GOOD NEWS...

Get this... I went to my 8am class this morning and there was only me and one other girl. Our professor never showed up--Dr. Finnegan--which isn't like her at all, so we went upstairs to the education department to figure out what was going on. We spoke to Dr. Williams and he was like, "hmmm... something sounds kinda funny about that... let me check the course schedule... Oh! she is scheduled for another class at the same time in the Library. You should go talk to her when that class gets out." So Jennifer beat me over to the Library later on, so she spoke with Dr. Finnegan. Turns out that we've already completed the course requirements for that class because of a class we took last semester, so we automatically get an A and we don't have to come to class!!! How hot is that?! I'm so excited!

Good day, good day. Why bother easing into things?... let's schedule Megan for 4 classes her first day rather than 1 or 2 like everybody else! It's all good, though. Only 2 tomorrow. And today's went well. Some better than expected, so that's always cool. I'm begining to "classify" professors: I've decided psychology professors are a bit eccentric and like to tell LOTS of stories, professors of education courses are rather picky about rules, and professors of deaf education courses are all-buisness. And don't get me started on philosophy.... I'm in my first philosophy class and I can tell it will be very interesting to say the least.

Other random things: I got Laci interested in blogging and today she finally started her own! I'm really excited! Be sure to read there frequently once she's up and running. She's a writer at heart, so I know it'll be good. Tonight I got to go back to Fusion at Anastasia, which was really awesome. It has really taken off over the summer and I'm really excited to get to be a part of it. The best word to describe it is atmosphere. That's the awesome part about it. It's really laid back and casual--we all sit around on the floor and bean bags and whatever--and there's all these sweet candles and lamps and stuff on top of little black pedistal and the overhead lights are all out (therefore just the lamps and candles light the room). Jill, Phil, and Joe do the music, but not so much in like a "leading the music" sort of way; more like "keep us on the same track" during the songs. Fusion has grown so much while I was away. I'm really, really excited to see where God will take it next. Already I can tell that there are people coming who are not the typical "church crowd" which is totally awesome. I think the casualty of it makes people feel welcome and comfortable.

Here's a random journal entry from last night.
Life is funny, isn't it? You start thinking you've got things figured out--a few things at least. But then suddenly one day you realize you don't have anything figured out at all. You don't have a clue. How startling! But then--gloriously--you realize that those dearest to you don't have a clue either! They're just as baffled and confused as you are! You share your confusion with one another and somehow draw comfort from your dear friend's equal level of un-understanding of life. How fabulous it is to be confused together! What a comfort! What reassurance! Although you and I are just as confused as each other, we can tell each other what we each need to hear and the words of another somehow sound truer than our own. "It's okay. God is in control. There's a purpose to this mess. It will all make sense in the end." Why do those words not seem as true from our own mouths? Maybe it's so we will know we are not self-sufficient... we need friends. We need godly advice. We are not islands. Thanks for the confusion, God! It draws me closer to the ones who are most important to me, and ultimately closer to You!
I don't know if that really made any sense to anyone but me, but maybe it did.

I've gotten on a journaling kick. I now have three different journals, all for different purposes. My newest has quickly become my favorite, mostly because it's new, but also because its purpose seems more important than the others. It's my journal for "God stuff" for lack of a better term. I journal during my devotions, during Bible studies like Fusion, I take down prayer requests that others tell me or that I think of. I'm really loving it. I was going to start one anyway, but my enthusiasm for it was strengthened by Marti last week. She has become a serious journaler and I can see how important it has been to her life this year. I really hope I can use it to keep track of my growth, struggles, and everything else important to me throughout this year, and I hope I can look back over it and see where I've been or what I've learned. I'm excited for what's to come.

Thought for the night from Fusion: Even when circumstances change, God does not change and is still worthy of our highest praise. This was never said directly tonight, but it's what I gained. We sang a song called "Blessed be Your name" which talks about this. It says: Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful, where Your streams of abundance flow, blessed be Your name. Blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, blessed be Your name. Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise. In the darkness I'll cry out, 'Lord, blessed be Your name.' Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be Your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be Your glorious name. You give and take away. You give and take away. My heart will chose to say 'Blessed be Your name.'

That's it for tonight. The morning is coming quickly! Later.

quick update: I just read the "verse of the day" which fits PERFECTLY! It says, "Stand up and praise the LORD your God, who is from everlasting to everlasting. Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise."

Nehemiah 9:5/NIV

g'night

Wow! What a week! I had so much fun. Allison and I stayed with Rex and Marti and family from Tuesday till Friday afternoon. (For those who don't know, Rex is our old youth pastor.) We had such a blast. It was good to be a part of their lives for a week. All of them are doing well. The kids are growing up (sniff!). Rex's furniture business is awesome! We went by the shop a few times, and also got to go to a consultation type meeting with Marti to a customer's home. The homes there are incredible! Anyway, most of the week we more or less participated in their normal day-to-day lives, nothing out of the ordinary, but it was really great. Friday, Allison and I headed over to Birmingham and stayed with Lydia S. in her dorm. Her roommate Kate is wonderful. Samford's campus is BEAUTIFUL!! Lyd's friends are pretty cool. Everything was really great. On the way home, Allie and me had a great little worship session with David Crowder, among others. It was a great trip.

Things I have enjoyed this week:

fireflies: we don't have those in Florida. They're amazing. God's really cool for making them!

beautiful weather: no daily afternopn thundershowers! It was great! The best was on Friday morning at the pool with the kids. Perfect.

good company and fellowship: I can't begin to express how much I've enjoyed all the people I've been around this week. Rex, Marti, their kids, the Dills, Allison, Lydia, Kate, Lyd and Kate's friends... it was all wonderful.

beautiful scenery: the hills are so georgous! Florida is so flat!

rainbows: one during the week and two on the trip home. Awesome reminders of the promises of God.

This is by no means a complete list of what I enjoyed this week. There are very few things I can think of that I did not enjoy. I had an absolutely awesome time. God blessed me so much this week. I'm sure I'll post about random things that happened on the trip as they come to me.

Back in the "Sunshine State": We got home on Sunday night (rather than Monday, as planned) which was good. Monday was spent running around doing laundry and last minute things to move on Tuesday (today). This morning was a little hectic, but I am now successfully moved-in in my dorm. Life is back to normal, whatever that means! Yay for high-speed internet in the dorms! For once, I am sitting at my own desk and working online. It's so exciting! What was not so exciting was string up a 50-foot cord from the plug on THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM to my computer. I did a pretty good job of it though. I even rounded two corners and two door frames. All is well now. As for finishing unpacking my clothes.... well, I'll get to that eventually! That's about all the news for today. Later.

I'm here in Atlanta (actually Canton, but it's all the same). It's wonderful! No time for great detail today. My heart is so full! I'm so glad I'm here.

I'm SO excited! It worked out for me to go with Allison this coming week on her "road trip," so we'll be going to Atlanta, GA and then to Birmingham, AL. I know we're going to have a blast! It took a little work on my part to get my schedule worked out, but it will totally be worth it. So posting here will be scarce or nonexistant for most of the week. We're leaving here Tuesday morning and getting back the following Monday (Labor Day) and then I'm moving on Tuesday, so who knows when I'll get back to posting regularly. Hopefully pretty soon after moving, because we should have newly-installed high speed internet in the dorms! Yay! But knowing how everything works at school, there will probably be some kinks to work out or something. If all else fails and I'm desperate to write, I'll post from the computer lab. Anyway, if you don't hear from me for a while, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth or anything! I shall return.

There's a new song on the radio that I like the message of. It's called "If We are the Body" and I'm not sure who sings it (maybe Mercy Me?). The chorus says something like "If we are the Body, why aren't His arms reaching? Why aren't His hands healing? If we are the Body, why aren't His feet going? Why is His love not showing?" I thought the message of it was great: if we are the Body of Christ, we should be fulfilling the things Christ would do if He were still in the flesh. That's our purpose. A little convicting, isn't it? Later.

"I guess you can't expect people without vision, faith or dreams to understand a person who is all about that."

--Allison

"A dreamer among the realists... it's a travesty."

--Laci

My thought for the day: don't base all decisions in life on what seems most practical, most logical, or most profitable. This is good for many decisions, but some must be left up to dreams, hopes, aspirations, desires, and plain ol' gut instinct (a.k.a. God's still small voice inside you). "By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going" (Hebrews 11:8). This was not a practical, logical, or seemingly profitable move for Abraham. Rather, it seemed to be a very foolish, illogical, irrational, childish move. Things are not always what they seem. This was the best choice Abraham probably ever made: the choice to set human logic aside and follow after his calling. Not only did others not understand Abraham's move, even he couldn't understand why it was that he needed to go. He just knew he had to, and that was that. A faith that can move mountains should be able to move us, as well.

THE PIECES FIT by Considering Lily...

I was like a jigsaw with pieces missing / a square peg in a round hole / like trying to climb the ladder but always slipping / high jump, short pole / I was stained 'til He came to cleanse me / I was torn 'til He came to mend me / it was a match made in heaven / from the moment we connected

His grace for my shame / His death for my blame / His stripes for my pain and the pieces fit /
His joy for my grief / His hurt my relief / my doubt His belief and the pieces fit / And the pieces fit

I was like a story without an ending / mistery with no clue / a maze where each direction is deceiving / with no one to lead you / I was confused 'til His answers reached me / unaware 'til he came to teach me / it was a match made in heaven / from the moment we connected

(chorus) / it's no wonder I've been made whole / since I surrendered my heart and my soul / (chorus)

FOOD!

You know what's great about cooking, besides the fact that it is followed by eating? If you cook something with a big fancy name, people are impressed, even if it wasn't hard to cook. So I guess that ruined the chance of you being impressed that I made "seasoned shrimp, fettuccine, and cheese tortellini alfredo" tonight! Yeah, it was way good. Last night I made my specialty: Chicken-Broccoli Casserole. That was really good, too. I've decided that people who cook the stuff that the cooking shows tell you how to cook have way too much time on their hands. The stuff I cook is good, but it doesn't take all day. On those cooking shows, they'll be like, "...and while your meat is slow-roasting for 4 hours, you should start your side dish, because it takes about 2-and-a-half hours to prepare." Yeah right. Like real people have that much time. And Emeril said something today about his roast maranating for 48 hours! Like I can think about Thursday's dinner on Tuesday! Anyway, I don't know why all this talk about cooking. I guess because I've done it for two consecutive days, which is odd.

This was my day today: wake up really late; eat a little; lay out in the sun for about 45 minutes; jump in the neighbor's pool to cool off; take a shower; watch a couple episodes of "A Wedding Story"... my favorite; eat a pear; dry my hair (I didn't mean for that to rhyme); 30 minutes of Pilates; throw some laundry in the washer; eat some grapes; eat more grapes; do more laundry; eat a PB&J sandwich; more laundry; cook dinner; a bunch of other miscelleanous things to fill the evening. I'm sure I ate a few more times in there! I'm all about the philosophy that it's better to eat little bits several times a day rather than big amounts 2 or three times a day. Today's all about food. I have these kinds of days, then I'll have a day where I couldn't care less about eating. I'm weird.

I'm just writing out of sheer boredom today. I wish I had something "valuable" to write. Nope. Nothing of any value today. Hopefully I'll have something some time this week. Who really knows. Later.

Crushed hopes...

I have this friend who just makes me so sad sometimes. Here's the story. She got saved several years ago (about two, I think), which I was incredibly excited about, but she still doesn't "get" God. I don't know that I've ever seen an ounce of passion in her about the things of God, nor have I seen her experience true spirit-filled worship. Okay, I know you could say this about lots of people, but it's quite severe in her case. It's like she really just doesn't care. She comes to church most of the time, but I would say it's mostly for the social aspect of it. While there, it's as if everything we do has absolutely no value to her. Singing is just something we do; preaching is just something to listen to, if she even bothers to stay for that part; and while the Bible study is expected to be "good," I doubt seriously if she could tell me what it was about as soon as it's over. I just want to scream at her: "God is so much bigger than you can see. It's not about doing the church thing; it's about having a passionate relationship with God." It makes me so sad to see her like she is. I had such great hopes for her. God has such great hopes for her. I just want her to get a glimpse of who God is. I'm convinced it would permanently alter her perspective.

Other than this, I had a pretty good day. Point of particular interest is that the pastor's message coincided with my quiet time today. He even quoted one of the verses I read this morning. That's always incouraging, because it reassures me that I'm reading what I'm reading for a purpose. I don't believe in "coincidences"; I believe God plans for things to fit perfectly together.

Upcoming events: hmmmm.... not much. Really, really not much. The next two weeks look kinda bleak. I'm only working like two days this week, due to my hours being cut, which I mentioned yesterday. Don't yet know what my last week of work will be like. The last weekend of the month, however, we will be keeping "the kids" at my house. That's my youngest neice and nephew. Brandy is two months away from being 4 years old, and Cody is nearly 5-and-a-half (and started school this year, so I'm sure I'll hear all about it). It's a horribly inconveinient (sp?) time for them to come, though, because I'll be doing a bunch of laundry and packing to move on the following Tuesday. I have this brilliant idea, however, which isn't any more conveinient but a bunch of fun: Allie is going on a road trip of sorts the last week of the month, and if I could somehow manage not to work at all that week rather than the one or two days that they will probably schedule me, I could try to convince her to let me go with her! (And since I haven't mentioned this to her yet, Allie will learn of my "brilliant" idea as she reads it here on Monday while at work!) I'm pretty sure this plan of mine will not work at all, but it would be fun if it did. Hey, it's nice to dream! Anyway, back to the upcoming events. The singles' group from church is going on a Labor day retreat to St. Augustine, which I am not going on, due to moving the next day and the cost of the trip. I may go down and hang out with them on Labor day though. (They will be there for 4 days, Monday being the last.) Kind of a weird plan for me, since I will then return home, pack my car, and return to St. Augustine the next day. I haven't decided yet. I may, or I may not. Then... TUESDAY is moving day! Hip-Hip-Hooray! I've told friends that I believe God implanted this little switch thingy in people's brains so when they turn 18 it suddenly becomes more and more unbearable to live at your parents' house. The summer hasn't been horrible or anything; it's just that I'm like a fully-functioning adult 8 months out of the year, but for the 4 that I'm here, I'm suddenly treated just like a high schooler again. I'm ready to be away again!

Well, that's about it. If I write any more it will just be jibberish. I'm sure if you've read this far you're bored to tears already. I apologize! Happy Monday to all, and to all a good night.

Later!

I went to the Ginny Owens concert last night. It was great. She's such a terrific person with a serious voice! And I got to meet her, too! It's always nice when you know the daughter of the guy who's company sponsored the concert! I was rather inspired by a man and his daughter who sat on our row during part of the concert. The girl was mentally and slightly physically handicapped and doesn't speak at all. The dad was just the sweetest thing in the world. As they were sitting down, he introduced himself and his daughter, and explained that she didn't talk and had the mental level of a 4 year old (I think she was probably about 16). Aside from just being a nice guy, the man seemed to have incredible patience, love, and perserverance for his daughter. He didn't get irritated that she continually wanted to stand; he didn't have a short temper; he showed no signs of "I'm really tired of this and just need a break"; his patience amazed me. I tried to imagine what it would be like to have a handicapped child who you had to do nearly everything for, never getting a break to enjoy what the rest of us see as a "normal" life. It would be like having a new born baby for a lifetime, except with even more challanges. Babies are only helpless for a short time, and then you get to go on with life. A child like this, however, never quits needing that help. I truely believe it takes a special person to raise a handicapped child well. I'm not sure if you're a "better person" first, and that's why God allows you to have a child like that--because you can handle it--, or if you become a "better person" for having had a child like that--because it teaches you so much. [did that make sense?] Either way, I highly admire those who spend their lives caring for another. Truely amazing.

Another person who was at the concert was Michael J. Fox. Not really; just a guy who looked sooooo much like him. He was sitting right in front of us, and every time he turned his head and I could see his profile, I thought, "look, it's Michael J. Fox!" Afterwards, Allison told me she thought he looked like him, too, before I even mentioned it. It was quite funny.

Countdown: 16 days till moving! Yay! I'm so ready to be back at school. (You couldn't have paid me to say that during high school!) I'll be glad to see everybody, and I'll be glad to be back on a regular schedule. My summer schedule has been so completely random. I'm ready for a little order to return to my life, although along with the order of the schedule comes the chaos of school work! Speaking of random schedules, now that the school shopping rush is over my hours have been cut drastically at work. It really stinks. I mean, it's not that I sit around and say, "boy I wish I was at work" but I need the hours for the sake of the money! Talk about scrimping and saving-- that's going to be this school year's motto for me! I was very lucky that my mom offered to pay for my school clothes the other day, so I can save a little more of the little I have made this summer.

Other news... Lesson from yesterday's devotions: the truely "better person" will never say, "I'm better than you are." That's the condensed version, but it covers the main point.

Not much else to write about. Oh, BTW Quinn... there's a comment you might be interested in reading from a few posts ago, not to drop any hints or anything!

Later.

Words to a song...
I don't know the title or who sings it, but I hear it all the time on the radio. I'm not even sure if these are all the words, but they're the ones I like and the ones I could remember!

You are my God; I seek You.
My soul thirsts for You.

In a dry and weary land, You are my water.

Your steadfast love is better than life.

My favorite part is the last line, which repeats over and over in the song. Steadfast is such a great word. It reminds me of things like "sturdy" and "stable" and "everlasting" and "constant" and "consistant" and "unrelenting" all rolled into one. [My favorite subject is English... can you tell?!] Webster says:

steadfast adj. 1. fixed in direction; steadily directed. 2. firm in purpose, resolution, faith, etc. 3. unwavering, as resolution, faith, or adherence. 4. firmly established, as an institution or a state of affairs. 5. firmly fixed in place or position; stable.

Are we getting the point? God's not going to fail us. His love for us is steadfast. He refuses to give up. He's stubborn, in a good way. We tend to think that because a situation changes that God is going to change with it. (We never consciously admit that this is what we believe, but it really is. That's why we get so worried and lose faith.) We should make a point to remind ourselves daily that God does not change, no matter what else does. No matter how many times we change our minds --no matter how many times our PARENTS change their minds-- God does not change. Good to know, huh?

I found this quote the other day while looking at devotional books on Amazon, and I've already used it in an e-mail, but I figured it was worth posting here, too. The quote is in reference to Hebrews 11:8 "He went out, not knowing where he was going," which is one of my favorite verses about the nature of true faith.

"Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do--He reveals to you who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you 'go out' in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?"

--from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

Laura at Been There Still There posted this quote, which I really thought was a good one.

It is when things go wrong, when the good things do not happen, when our prayers seem to have been lost, that God is most present. We do not need the sheltering wings when things go smoothly. We are closest to God in the darkness, stumbling along blindly.

--Madeleine L'Engle

LEARNING TO NEED YOU by Justin McRoberts

I'd forgotten just how sweet Your mercies are, Lord
Would You remind me
You've been faithful in my weakness. Father, Your love
overwhelms my soul
I'm learning to need You

I cry out Your name
I am in need of Your mercies, Jesus
Despite my pride and my shame
I'm learning to need you

The countdown...

20 days till moving day! "382" here I come!

It's fun when God speaks to you and you're not really expecting it. I was just reading today's verse of the day and I really got a lot out of it. "People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Mark 10:13-14/NIV I thought, "isn't that just like us, to hinder other people from coming to Christ because they don't come the way we think they should." Then I got this great picture in my mind of little kids charging at Jesus full-force with arms open wide, all smiles and giggles, not a care in the world. Just completely fascinated that they actually have the chance to meet the Jesus who they've heard so much about. So there they come running like mad-men... undignified, as the song says. The disciples were quick to put an end to that, but to their surprise (and ours, had we been there), Jesus says, "Don't stop them; let them come." And then He really throws the disciples for a loop: Jesus tells them that God's kingdom belongs to people just like this. He says we should come to Him just like the children did. Full-force, arms open wide, smiles and giggles (or frowns and tears... He takes us either way), giving up all our cares just to meet with Him. Completely undignified. We've put far too many regulations on the way we approach God. I think it's time we lose the Pharisee-like formality and just get real and vulnerable before God. Meet with Him and allow Him to do whatever He wants. Don't give God limits or put Him in a box. He's so much bigger than we can ever imagine! "Come just as you are."

It's the little things...

Call me easily amused, but I'm way excited about the new face-plate I got for my cell phone yesterday. It's a turquose/teal-ish color and it's see-through. I love it! And I'm thoroughly amused that you can see the little lights on the keypad through the face-plate! It's very exciting!

I've been debating about which devotional/quiet time program to use for the upcoming school year. I think I've finally decided. I was looking at several different ones online today, but I just couldn't find one that exactly suited me. I remebered that I have a box full of all my old Bible study books and what-not on the top shelf of the closet in our spare room, so I decided to take a look at those to see if I got any ideas. I found a stack of monthly devotional guides from several years ago that I got in the mail for free for a year for some reason, but I had never used them. I like the format they use. I looked at their websight to see if I want to order them this year. I really like them, but instead of ordering them for now, I think I'm going to use the old ones I have. The dates on the top of each page will be wrong, but I'll deal. Each year they go all the way through the Bible, but each year the commentary portion is different. I like that. I think I'll use the old ones for now, and if I stick with it, I will order the new ones starting in January. The name of the devotional guides is Daily Walk by The Navigators. I think I'll enjoy them.

Random thoughts...

Colossians 3:16-17
"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father by him."

Colossians 3:23
"And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as unto the Lord, and not unto men."

----

This morning I was reading 2 Peter 1:1-4 and it was really encouraging. Normally, when I read the intro verses to one of the epistles, I think, "hmmm... what am I supposed to get out of this?" Today, however, I really "got it." The way Peter greets the church is so awesome. He doesn't just say, "hey what's up;" he jumps right in and tells us what an awesome life we have in Christ. This is what I wrote down today:
"Peter greets the Church, and in so doing is sure to remind us that Jesus Christ has given us everything we need for life, and not just life... a holy life. He has given us 'exceeding great and precious promises' so that we can partake in His nature and escape the corruption of the world. We have a glorious hope in Christ! We are equipped to live a godly life and to rise above the revelings of the world."
We haven't just been called to live; we have been called to live holy, godly, blameless lives. But these are not unmerited requests, because Christ has equipped us and given us everything -- everything -- we will ever need. He does not give us more than we can bear. God has a purpose for each of our lives and He makes us capable of fulfilling those purposes.

Grace and Peace.

Song in my head...

Hungry I come to You for I know You satisfy
I am empty, but I know Your love does not run dry

So I wait for You
So I wait for You

I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

--if anyone knows the second verse starting with "broken I come..." please post it under comments! I can't remember all the words!

I've found a new obsession with photoblogs/fotologs/whatever-you-call-them (gee thanks Quinn... another thing to waste my time with!). I start out just looking at one site, but then I link to one of their favorites, and one of the next person's favorites, and so the cycle goes. The sites I totally love are A Closer Look, Flowerpower, and Black and White. My kind of photos, for sure!

I don't suppose I've mentioned this, so I will now. Allison tells me I should write a book. I still find that a bit humurous, but I figure I'll keep it in mind and see if I get "inspired" to write anything. I did tell her that if I ever actually do one, I will definitely have to include photography. For one, it will fill the space, for the lack of ingenious writing. More importantly, I love it! I guess I've always liked taking pictures, but a little over a year ago I got a camera that was worth while and started taking some "experimental" pictures, just to see how the different features of my camera worked. Some of them, to my delight, turned out pretty good. When I got to St. Augustine, I jumped on the opportunity to take pictures of Flagler, since the buildings are quite gorgeous. Some of those turned out nice (I think). My favorite pictures that I've taken thus far, however, would have to be my flower pictures. One sunny day during first semester last year, I walked around town snapping close-ups of all sorts of flowers. My two favorites are the hibiscus flowers: one pink, one red. I think I like photographing flowers and things in nature for the simple fact that they are not man-made. I look at those two pictures (which hang on my wall in 8x10s) and think, "wow, that's beautiful," yet I have no ownership of that beauty. The pictures are not beautiful because of expert photography; they are beautiful because the flowers which God made are so incredible. I like up-close pictures because we see "the big picture" all the time. If it weren't for an up-close picture of, say, tree bark, how often would we actually take time to appreciate the intricate detail of its texture? Not often. Anyway, just thought I'd share.

"Some people only like the kind of music they hear on the radio or at parties. What about classical? What about jazz? What about the sound of leaves blowing across the road? Music is everywhere. But hey, that's just me."
--a quote from a JCPenney's ad in September's YM magazine.

The Friday Five

1. What's the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country?
hmmm... oh, last week the family went to Jekyll Island, GA. The last (and only) time I traveled outside the country was to Europe... London and France: wonderful trip.

2. What's the most bizarre/unusual thing that's ever happened to you while traveling?
Wow... there's so many... where to begin? Brooke threw up on a bus trip once. On another bus trip, we had to stop and have the on-board port-a-potty cleaned out... very weird... water hose through a window... we were all still on board... truely unforgetable! And on yet another bus trip, this one to Tallahassee from Jacksonville, the AC broke! It was utterly rediculous. Late spring in Florida with 50-ish warm bodies... completely miserable half the way there and the whole way back. And it wasn't that the AC just wouldn't come on... it was blowing hot air! On yet another bus trip, this one with my senior class (the previous ones were all with the band), the bus driver began falling asleep on an icy road in North Carolina and nearly hit a Semi! I believe it was the same bus driver that cut a corner in a parking lot too close and hit a pole. Hmmm... any other stories...

3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go?
First, make a stop in Atlanta to visit Rex and Marti. Then, I suppose I would head back over to London... I loved it there.

4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car?
I have only really traveled by plane and train once each in my life, but I enjoyed them both. Out of the three, I guess I would choose plane. I like each of them for different reasons, but for a long trip I certainly would not opt to go by car. I do have this dream of traveling the country by train, but it has to be one of the cool ones with sleeper cars and everything!

5. What's the next place on your list to visit?
I don't have much opportunity at this point in my life to do a lot of traveling, but I guess realistically I could pick Miami. Last year I made it down to West Palm Beach with some friends and had a blast... maybe we'll make it to Miami this year.

What's your favorite place and why? Leave a comment, let me know.

I NEED YOU by Sonic Flood

You know who I am inside
You know when I lie
You can tell when I'm amazed
You can see my faith

You know when I don't believe
You know when I'm free
You can tell when I need love
You know I'm in need

Love, I need love
You are love
I need You
Love, You are love
I need love
I need You

You know of my deepest fear
You know when I'm scared
You can read my empty page
You can feel my rage

You're aware of when I dream
You see when I bleed
You can tell when I need love
You know I'm in need

I know we need You, Father
Much more than any other
Your love brings us together
We need You, we need You

Love, we need love
You are love
We need You
Love, You are love
We need love
We need You
I need You

Just when you thought I was finished...

Yeah, so I'm doing a third post on the same topic. Could be a personal record! First of all, Tuesday was a GREAT day. I got to spend the majority of it in St. Augustine with Laci. After coming home, we watched a movie at my house. Later that night, I got to spend some quality time with Allison. An all-around good day. While Laci and I were in the car together, we continued our ongoing conversation of the week about legalism. She and I have both realized that there's SO much that we never noticed until we moved away from the places where we grew up. I know personally, moving to St. Augustine last year was spiritually the best thing I could have done. In the past year, I have learned an incredible amount about God and how to approach Him. The things I have learned come not so much from Bible study lessons or sermons, but from personal experiences and interaction with other Christians with different backgrounds. There are so many things that we always thought to be "spiritual absolutes" that were not necessarily taught but implied, and now we are asking ourselves, as Laci says, "why did we ever believe those things? why didn't we question them?" I know at some point, someone who has known me my entire life is going to read these posts and believe that I have "gone off the deep-end," but I PROMISE I haven't! It's just that there are so many things that we seem to come up with on our own that we think make us more spiritual, yet they're not exactly Biblical. Some of them are not bad... if seen as personal conviction, but we tend to treat them as if they are laws set in stone by God Himself when that is just not the case. It's like saying there is a Biblical standard for dating: as much as some people like to think there is, dating is NOT addressed in the Bible. Plain and simple. Dating is not one of the subjects Laci and others and I have been discussing, but they are things like that that are either not addressed in the Bible, or the way we address them is different from the Bible. A good example of that is the raising of hands during worship. IT IS BIBLICAL!! Try getting a hard-core baptist deacon to be accepting of that, though! We may even preach that it's okay, but when someone actually does it.... look out because you are likely to get some discriminating looks from some people. Another thing, which takes a lot of guts for me to write about semi-publicly, is drinking. We preach against alcohol of all kinds and somehow fail to see that the wine of Bible times was an alcoholic beverage. There are those who try to say (which is what I have heard most of my life) that the wine of the Bible was different than it is today, and therefore it was okay. There were people in the Bible who GOT DRUNK from the wine they had, so how is that any different? I'm not saying that I support the use of ALL forms of alcohol. I do have many personal convictions on the subject. But the fact that we will look down on someone else who is okay with drinking wine is just rediculous. These are the kinds of things my "eyes have been opened to" over the course of the past year. Once again, I am sure there are those who will read this and think, "it's all down-hill from here, " but it's truely not. I just had to have a change in environment for God to show me that I don't have to believe everything someone tells me I am supposed to believe; rather, I must back up my beliefs with the Word of God. The whole situation reminds me of Quinn and how he left a church which he now calls "the prison church." Had it not been for a change in location, I believe he would still hold to most, if not all, of his old beliefs. My home church is certainly not a "prison church," but I still had to get away for a while in order to learn some things.

Allison and I got to talk a lot last night about friendship sort of things, as well as issues that come with moving away to college, which was cool because we have a lot that we can learn from each other's experiences. We got together with the intention of going to a movie, but there was a big delima with the show times, so we wound up just sitting around at her house talking with each other. I'm glad. Everything has a purpose... even the messed up schedules at AMC! Anyway, it was very refreshing for us to be able to share our hearts with each other. It's a good thing I have free long distance on my cell phone for when January rolls around!

I'll leave you with a Psalm. Psalm 19, to be exact.

The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament shows His handiwork. Day unto day utters speech, and night unto night reveals knowledge. There is no speech nor language where their voice is not heard. Their line has gone out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them He has set a tabernacle for the sun, which is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoices like a strong man to run its race. Its rising is from one end of heaven, and its circuit to the other end; and there is nothing hidden from its heat. The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making the wise the simple; the statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the judgements of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them Your servent is warned, and in keeping them there is great reward. Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults. Keep back Your servent also from presumptious sins; let them not have dominion over me. Then shall I be blameless, and I shall be innocent of great transgression. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.

Second verse, same as the first...

Yesterday I had far too much to say to actually remember all of it at once, so today is more of yesterday's story. Sunday morning my mind was still on the subject of legalism/freedom. In the morning service, we (the choir) sang a song called "Rise and Come Forth." It's a decent song, but not one that I would typically devote a whole post to, such as other songs I have mentioned. Most of the song is a call for the Church to rise up and be different because there is a dying world around us. The way I took it yesterday was that we need to be different from the world in that we shouldn't have "rules" that we expect people to follow in order to fit in. That's what legalism is. Like Laci said in her comment on yesterday's post, we've been forced into a mold for far too long, and it's time we break out of it. Sitting in the choir loft Sunday after Sunday, we stare out into the faces of the congregation, and nearly every week I wonder if any of them even have a clue how it feels to worship God. Their expressions are so stern and stoic. Granted I'm not an overly expressive worshipper, I still think you can usually tell by someone's face when they're really "experiencing" God. A line in the song says, "Loose them now and set them free through the blood of Calvary." When we got to that point, I just lost it. My lip quivered; my voice cut out; tears ran down my face. I wept for my church. "They have no idea," I thought to myself. "They're imprisoned by their own preconceived notions of worship. Set them free, God," I prayed as I attempted to sing. Singing was too much of a barrier, so I finally had to stop. Towards the end of the song I was encouraged by a 'LONE WORSHIPPER' in the front section. Actually, a woman and her husband. They are fairly new to our church, and I don't know them, but I see them week after week engaging in true worship. It's so encouraging. On one of the repeats of the chorus, "Church, rise and come forth," they stood to their feet with outstreched arms amidst the crowd of the seated. Eventually, by the last time through the chorus, with the big climatic ending drawing obviously closer, they had others join them in standing. But that's sort of typical... a few stand, "hey, that looks like a good idea," and others finally join in, but only when it's late enough in the song that they know they will not have very long to stand. I don't mean to make it sound as if I think those who stood later were insincere or anything; it's just that it seems they are the ones who are too afraid to branch out on their own in worship without someone else taking the first step for them. I am glad they stood. It would have been far easier (and possibly far more typical) for everyone else to remain seated and allow the two standers to feel completely isolated (not that those two are the type to care). So I am glad they joined in on that act of worship. It's just that I would love for more people in our church not to be afraid to do whatever it is that they need to do ON THEIR OWN. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free."

I jotted down a note to myself during the service that said the following:
"If a worshipful life is a sweet fragrance to God, a life of legalistic bondage must be a rotting stench. Allow yourself to experience the freedom Christ has saved you to."

Linsay of W:W:L.O.L. has a post that reminded me of something Leslea wants to do as a ministry with some other people from our Sunday school class. Danny works (as a cop) in the rough parts of downtown and encounters many various people. Leslea wants to start ministering to the prostitutes and homeless in the area where he works. The idea is on a Saturday morning to get together and hand out little bag fulls of personal things that we take for granted yet these people cannot afford. I think it's an awesome idea, for the simple fact that ministering to prostitutes is stepping out of the comfort zone for most Christians. And it's not like we'd be going out there and preaching at them. Instead, we're going out and just showing a little love for these people. Let them know somebody cares that they exist. I think it's a cool idea. I really hope it works out in an awesome way.

FREEDOM...

God is Awesome. The Edge was INCREDIBLE last night! Darrell Evans is great... a very powerful worship leader. Right off the bat, he said, "whatever you said you would never do in worship, do that." I knew I was going to like him! On the drive down there, Allie and Laci rode with me. We had a conversation about legalism and the lack of freedom many Christians seem to have. Once we got there and Darrell opened up with that comment, I knew God was going to speak. Freedom in worship was the theme of the night for me personally. It's not really what Darrell spoke about, but that's what God was speaking to me about. Darrell did say a few things on that topic, but the bulk of what he said had to do with meeting in a "secret place" with God because He desires to meet with us. Throughout the whole night, God's presence was just so thick. It was wonderful.

I was really quite excited to discover when we got there that it was STANDING ROOM ONLY! It was packed out! I wouldn't have had it any other way. I know personally I came with a goal in mind: worship. And that goal was fulfilled. It was such a great night.

The seven of us that had come together went out to Steak-N-Shake afterwards, since that is THE late-night restaurant. One of the guys said something in reference to worship that really kinda struck a nerve in me. It made me wonder if he and I had even been at the same service, since he obviously didn't hear the part about freedom from legalism. [The guys did sit out in the hall for lack of seats... it's not the same as being inside. I think they might have really missed out on some stuff.] I'm not sure if he meant his comment the way I took it, but I am certain that some of our slightly legalistic upbringing is still hanging on to him. Not really his fault, I don't think; he and I (actually all seven of us, for the most part) have had similar upbringings in traditional baptist churches and a baptist Christian school. Don't get me wrong, I love my church, as you know by now. But on certain issues they are still a little legalistic at times. His church is the same way. I just hope we are all able to hear the words of Christ above the words of our churches. While our churches teach the word of God, there are times--since we are human--that we live something that is slightly out of line. The "lived" messages are so much louder than the taught ones.

Anyway, back to the origional point, the worship last night was incredible. On the way home, Allison mentioned something that I had noticed, but I didn't really make the mental connection till she said something. She mentioned how during worship we seem to be opposite of how we are in our day-to-day stuff [but not in a hypocritical way]. In worship, she becomes quiet and more introverted; I become louder and more extroverted. She tied it in with something Darrell said: he said worship should make you uncomfortable at times because you are leaving your comfort zone. Normally, quietness makes Al uncomfortable. Normally, being loud makes me uncomfortable. But in worship, that's what God calls us to do. Thanks for the insight, Allie.

Freedom. It's a beautiful thing.

"Free me from the trap that is set for me for you are my refuge."
--Psalm 31:4

"I run in the path of your commands, for you have set me free."
--Psalm 119:32

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."
--John 8:36

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
--Galatians 5:1

"I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts."
--Psalm 119:45

"In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence."
--Ephesians 3:12

"Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free."
--John 8:32

When I got up this morning and started my quiet time, imagine my excitement when the title read "Freedom from Legalism"! That was totally unexpected and completely awesome. The passage was Colossians 2:16-23. From The Message, it reads:

"So don't put up with anyone pressuring you in details of diet, worship services, or holy days. All those things are mere shadows cast before what was to come; the substance is Christ.
"Don't tolerate people who try to run your life, ordering you to bow and scrape, insisting that you join their obsession with angels and that you seek out visions. They're a lot of hot air, that's all they are. They're completely out of touch with the source of life, Christ, who puts us together in one piece, whose very breath and blood flow through us. He is the Head and we are the body. We can grow up healthy in God only as he nourishes us.
"So, then, if with Christ you've put all that pretentious and infantile religion behind you, why do you let yourselves be bullied by it? 'Don't touch this! Don't taste that! Don't go near this!' Do you think things that are here today and gone tomorrow are worth that kind of attention? Such things sound impressive if said in a deep enough voice. They even give the illusion of being pious and humble and ascetic. But they're just another way of showing off, making yourselves look important."

I like the very first part: "So don't put up with anyone pressuring you in details of diet, worship services, or holy days. All those things are mere shadows cast before what was to come; the substance is Christ." Let us worship God in spirit and in truth, and quit paying so much attention to what others are or are not doing. Rather, pay attention to what God is calling you to do, and DO THAT. Christ saved us so that we might have freedom. If we do not live in that freedom, are we not "wasting" our salvation? Do not make Christ's gift of no use in your life. Live in the freedom of Christ.

Thinking about Katie Gail tonight. I'm sad she won't be there when we all go back to Flagler. We'll miss you, Katie!!!

Thinking about Adam and how we were friends once. Haven't spoken to him in.... in two or three years. Wow.

Thinking about how some friendships are permanent, while others are so brief. I'm thankful for the brief ones, but sometimes I wish they could have lasted longer. Some of the briefest friendships I've had have also been some of the most meaningful. People's lives take different paths, though, and you can't live in the past. Nor can you force two roads to intersect a second time. Most roads only intersect once.

Thinking about where my life will take me in the future. I have no idea. I've been thinking on this one for a few days now. Who, When, Where.... mostly just who. I'm too curious for my own good at times! But God and I have been conversing about this topic this week, and I know I have to leave it up to His timing. Rushing usually equals ruining.

Friendship. How intriguing.

It's so awesome how God puts people together with such obvious intention. I was reading a post at Sisters' Weblog by Katie, which was completely inspiring. She and Susan have an incredible story of how God put them together and continually uses each of them in the other's life. It always seems that if you have someone in your life who you feel blessed by, they often feel the same about you. It's cool that God makes it work that way.

I keep posting and then I keep remembering things I meant to post about. Today at work a Deaf lady came through my line. There were two hearing people with her, so I was under no obligation to communicate directly with her, but I somehow felt personally obligated since I am capable. Well, "capable" is relative. My real-life communication skills in ASL are quite limited, which one only realizes when confronted with certain situations. Anyway, she was the paying person of the group, so I felt if I did not communicate with her as much as my average customer I was in some way discriminating against her, since, once again, I am somewhat capable of communicating with her. As I rang up her merchandise, I debated in my head what I should do: say something (sign) at the risk of messing it up horribly, or stay "quiet" as if I knew no sign at all. Above all, I refused to communicate "second-hand" with her by telling the hearing woman whatever I wanted to say to her. In the end, I decided it was best not to try to say more than I knew I was able to, so I simply asked her for her signature on the receipt and told her thank you as she left. She seemed thrilled that I said thank you, so that was a bit comforting. I still feel like it was a cop-out, though... like I should have said more. But I guess if I knew some French, I wouldn't be obligated to have a conversation with a French-speaking person; I would only be required to do what was necessary for my job. In my situation, that's what I did, as best as I was able. I mean, I really have no clue how to ask her if she "would be interested in saving 10% by opening an Old Navy acount," so I didn't bother trying that one. (I might be able to get all the words out, but I'm pretty sure it would "lose something in the translation"!) Anyway, that was my eventful moment of the day.

I'm lifting a phrase from another sight because I liked it. It described doing God's will simply as proceeding in righteousness. I like that. [find it here under the comments section.]

How do you like the new font? I thought it was time for a change. I refuse to put a "normal" font on my blog because it reminds me of school books, and I see plenty of those as it is! Besides, this one makes me feel like I've really "written" something rather than just typing it! So, do we keep the new one, or return to the tried-and-true?

I was driving home from work today, and I turned off the music to spend some time in prayer and thought. It was beautiful. After praying for a bit, I began thinking about why it's always "something huge" that's going on in people's lives. I mean, why does it seem that there are never little problems, only life-altering ones? I concluded that it is because we are far too prone to think we are self-sufficient. At least, I am. If we faced "little" problems, we would think we were perfectly capable of taking care of them ourselves, at which point we basically no longer "need" God. God allows "huge" things to happen so we will KNOW we are incapable of handling them, and that we MUST rely on Him. The problems are huge to reveal the hugeness of our God. That excites me because it makes me all-the-more confident that the outcome of tough situations will be incredible. God doesn't typically pass up an opportunity to reveal His power in the lives of His children. Think about that the next time "something huge" comes your way!

Linsay over at Wanderer:Worshipper:Lover of Leaving said the following in a post of his, and it really describes how I've felt lately:

***
Perhaps I will always hold my theological understanding and Christian worldview loosely, in open hands … recognizing that my mortal understanding will never remotely grasp the truths of God.

I am comfortable with ambiguity … I no longer feel a need to have an opinion on absolutely everything … I no longer feel a need to have an answer for every single question.

But, despite all of this, I recognize that deconstruction is not the end goal. I am not satisfied to just continue tearing apart aspects of my faith and analyzing them. There comes a time when I must reconstruct a faith/theology/spiritual understanding which is more pure, raw, and vigorous than that which I have been deconstructing. This is what I find most difficult at this point … it has become easy to criticize the church and challenge my former way of thinking … but it has become more difficult to develop a new and healthier faith.
***

I had this revelation today about life in general, which when I say what it was, everyone will be like "well, duh!" I realized that you CANNOT live off of minimum wage. Obviously, I've sort of realized this for a long time now, but today I was figuring up (again) how much an apartment will cost, and for the heck of it, I tried to figure out if I could afford to live totally on my own (not that I want to). I realized that even if you make like $8 an hour, you'd be lucky to pay rent on the cheapest of places, and you can forget about eating!!! No wonder people are on welfare!!! All I have to say is that if I wind up getting a teaching job after I graduate, I'd better get married quick so there'll be two incomes cause I sure can't live off one! How sad that we HAVE to work jobs for money and not just because it's something we want to do. How unfulfilling. I could really go off on that. I mean, there's like a million things I would LOVE to do in life, but they cost money initially, and then if you get really good at whatever you do and get a job in that area, the fun jobs don't pay squat. Like musicians, artists, teachers. And don't get me started about how rediculous it is that teachers don't get paid well. SERIOUSLY... without teachers, there wouldn't be doctors, lawyers, movie stars. Teachers practically raise children for half of their waking hours of their first 18 years, on top of teaching them academics and how to be functioning members of society. It's just rediculous. Anyway, I'm a little depressed right now about how dependent we are on money.

LOOKING FORWARD TO:
-Danny preaching Wednesday... he's gonna do something totally unexpected he says
-day trip on Thursday
-THE EDGE on Saturday!!!!! Yay! A whole bunch of us are going. Well, at least my car load, and possibly a few more.
-the "all-church orchestra concert" Sunday... looking forward to? Well, yeah, I guess I am. I haven't played in over a year.

Dad's not thrilled with the fact that I have decided to move out. He has such a strange view of the world. He told my mom (who tells me everything) that when people get apartments that's when they start "partying" and all that stuff. My mother, being the logical one, reminded him who he was talking about (me) and wanted to know if he really thought that's how I'm gonna be. Besides the fact that I've already lived away from home for a year. Somehow he thinks it's easier to "get into trouble" in an apartment than in a dorm. I "reassured" my mom that I've had plenty of opportunity to get into trouble already, and that it doesn't take an apartment to become a party-er. But she knows I've not done anything that they would disapprove of, nor do I plan to when I get an apartment. My mom's pretty cool... she's always supported pretty much anything I've wanted to do. Not so much in a verbal sense, but she's just never really stopped me from doing what I want. But then again, I've always been pretty practical, so there's been no reason to stop me. I don't know the value of this post, but here you go.

I was thinking tonight during the evening service at church how silly it is for me to strive for the things I think I want becase I'm usually miserable when I do that. Relief only comes when I give total control over to God and His will. Earlier in the year I remember I was miserable for a while because I was seeking my will over God's. Rather than just relaxing and letting things happen the way God intended, I spent endless hours wondering and worrying about what the outcome would be. Actually, this applies to a lot of situations I've been in! Anyway, I'm not saying that we don't have a responsibility to do certain things in order for us to take the path God has chosen for us; I'm just saying that we should relax a little and just let things fall into place, because if God has planned for something to happen, then it will. Our worrying will not change a thing. "Who of you, by worrying, can add one inch to his stature?" And like Wes says, we like to call it "concern" rather than worry, as if we're less guilty if we don't call it what it is. Sit back, relax, and obey and everything will be fine.

(I just spilled my sweet tea and came about an inch away from completely drenching my laptop.)

Today I had to explain to some friends (again) that I really don't plan on coming back next summer. That's tough. These are people that I really care about so it's tough telling them that Christmas will be the last time they'll see me for any length of time. Then, I was thinking about what a tough decision it really is to move away permanently. The decision itself isn't hard at all because that's what I really want to do, but what I will miss most is my church. It's weird because I love my church here and I love my church in St. Augustine, but both for completely different reasons. I love Westside for the preaching and the choir and the people I've always known. I love Anastasia for the awesome worship, the fresh approach, and the growing college ministry. The two are so totally different it's unbelievable. Yet I miss each of them when I'm away. It's killing me right now not to be able to go to Anastasia's awesome worship service every week. Yet when I'm there, it kills me that I'm not at Westside singing in the awesome choir. Hmmm. What to do. Sit back, relax, and obey? I suppose that sounds like a plan.

"The first great gift we can bestow on others is a good example."
-from my fortune cookie today!

I've decided I'm absolutely pitiful. "The girls" and I (Laci and others from school) have decided to make sure we have an apartment by the end of the school year so we can move in next summer. That's all well and good, but I'm acting like we're moving in a week! And I'm not alone; Laci is too. We've both done all the math to decide the cost difference between this and on-campus. I've been "shopping" this week (not actually buying, just looking, online mostly) to find all the stuff we'll need to move in, all the way down to plates and silverware. It's not all rediculous, though. My motto is "leave no stone unturned." By the time we actually have an apartment, I'll be the most knowledgable first-time rentee ever! I need to find out the cost of stuff to know how tight I should keep my budget this year... or how much tighter, since I'm already limited. I'm so excited, though... especially about the shopping part! I'd rather shop for household stuff over clothes any day. I can be a bit controlling at times, though. Hopefully I won't become too much of a shopping-natzi when it comes down to it! Anyway, not much else is going on in my life right now. Relatively dull. But that's okay, I'm sure I'll miss the dull-ness by mid-September! Later.

Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?" For it is not wise to ask such questions.

Ecclesiastes 7:10/NIV

-today's verse of the day

I bought "The Message" today. I'm really excited about it. I'll be using it just for reading purposes (like chapter by chapter), not really for devotions. Hopefully, I'll really enjoy it.

The most satisfying low-fat thing to eat is Breyers "naturally light" vanilla ice cream! Mmmm, Mmmm! It's seriously the best vanilla ice cream I've ever had. And it only has 3 grams of fat! That's a beautiful thing!

"I am only one, but still I am one; I cannot do everything, but still I can do something."
-a possibly slightly missquoted quote, but the origional was from Helen Keller, who happens to be one of the most inspiring people, in my opinion.

Take a look at this about the World Trade Center cross. I never really heard the whole story before. It's pretty cool.

Several things to say tonight, so I'll just pick one to start with (logically). The guy over at truthbecomeslies, whose name I always forget, has had a lot of good things to say lately. I'm still hesitant to put up a permanent link to him since my agreeance with him waivers frequently, but he was really on it these past few weeks. One short comment that he had was "Do what you want. God's will for every person's life is that they live full lives under his Lordship." This is something I wholeheartedly agree with. This comment came in the midst of a much longer post, but it nearly sums up the point of it all. I, also, believe that if you are living your life to please God, He wants you to go after whatever it is that you desire. "You have permission to do anything you want," as Rex Briant put it. The only stipulation is that you primarily seek to live "in God's will," as we often put it. This means that you seek to please God with everything that you do. If that's what you're doing, He allows you to do whatever you want. I think this is something we all need to remember. We often look at God's will as making the right choice in a given situation. We think when there are two equally good options that God wants us to pick a certain one, when in reality, He wants us to pick the one we want! At a confrence I went to during first semester of this past year it was put this way: "You don't have to pray about which cereal to eat in the morning. Pick the one you want!" In the context of the lesson, the speaker meant that in some situations there is a definite right or wrong choice, while in others the "rightness" is simply based on preference. He gave the example of his little son having the choice to play with a toy truck or a chain saw; obviously, there is a specific one Dad wants the son to pick. But when it comes to choice of cereal, Dad really doesn't care (all nutritional considerations aside). There's not really an ending point to this topic. I simply wanted to say that I believe God gives us freedom of choice to a far greater extent than we give Him credit for. That's it.

In other news, my brother's wedding was yesterday. It was simply beautiful. I have never seen more of the "real David" than when he and Amy were saying their vows. He was absolutely sweet, for possibly the first time in his life! The reception was fun. Quite casual, in comparison to many wedding receptions. They served chicken and ribs from Country Caterers! After a long day of standing, walking, and a little dancing in my little black heels, my toes were screaming with painful blisters! And the sad part was that I knew full well that I had to get up this morning and put the same shoes back on for church. (I sang in an ensemble today, so I had to wear the black shoes to match what we wore.)

Tonight at church we had an ordination service for a man from our church that has been called to serve at another church, as youth pastor I believe it was. The service was great. The man who is entering "the ministry," Terry Ryan, is a wonderfully godly man, and every member of his family seems to share the same quality. He gave his testimony; the pastor from his new church, Long Branch Baptist, gave a charge to the church; and Bro.Keith gave a charge to the pastor. After the testimony time, the ordained men of our church laid hands on Terry and prayed for him, as we all prayed with them. The laying on of hands is one of those things mentioned in the Bible, yet often neglected in our modern church. I always enjoy when we get to take part in this wonderfully symbolic act of worship. Following the service, of course, was a fellowship, which in the Baptist church translates to "yay, we get to eat again!"

After the service, I went to pick up the key that my brother left under his door mat for me. I'm taking care of their cats this week while they're gone on their honeymoon. They're not the go-sit-and-be-romantic type; they're gonna do fun stuff this week like wakeboard in Orlando, and possibly go down to the Keys where my uncle owns a little double-wide. Not so fancy living quarters, but it sure is a cool place. We went there when I was little. Anyway, not much else to say. Take a look at the new links I put up. (I only link to blogs that I really feel are worth while, so they won't be a waste of your time!) Later.

Okay, my fourth post for the night, but I promise it'll be the last. I was reading The Friday Five to see if I wanted to bother answering, which I don't, but one of the questions made me think of a funny story. Number 4 for this week asked, "When was the last time you broke or vandalized another's property?" While I can't remember a time that I have intentionally done such, I do remember a time for a friend of mine. A certain someone, who shall remain nameless, once became very irritated that her sister continually borrowed her Doc Martin shoes after being told not to. When the shoes were discovered, out of place and slightly stretched, the nameless individual found the nearest black magic-marker and wrote boldly across the sister's white bedroom door "GET YOUR OWN DOCS!!!" The parents were out of town. After many hours (possibly days) and several coats of paint, the door was restored to near perfect condition. The mom, however, didn't really "scold" the nameless individual, since the sister was also in the wrong, and the door was restored. What a great story!

I was looking at my tracking information on ServuStats, and it's funny what people search for and come up with my sight. These are some of the things people wanted to find, but found my sight instead. While most of them are things I have written about, I wonder why they get to my sight rather than a more appropriate one.
-"gap employee discount"
-"ginny owens karaoke if you want me to cd"
-"the galatian people"
-"brooklyn tabernacle blog" (??? they have a blog?)
-"quote if you want to get something done ask a busy person" (I don't believe I ever posted this one!)
BEST of all, I got six hits for "lele sobieski," which was only mentioned once in some song lyrics!
The good news is--I guess it's good news--most people find my sight by looking for Christian song lyrics which I have actually posted. Hopefully I've helped a few of them out in their search. If you're one of the people that has found my blog by using a search engine, please tell me what off-the-wall subject you were actually looking for! I'd love to put a name with a topic! Later.

"Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me."

-my favorite lines from Holy Sonnet 14 by John Donne

In my devotions lately, I've been reading in 1 Thessalonians. Tuesday I studied 4:9-12, which I paraphrased like this:
"Paul said, 'I don't even really have to mention that you should love one another because you've pretty well figured that out. I just encourage you to do it more and more. I do remind you to be responsible in all areas of your life and to live honestly so you will be a good witness without being fake.'"
which prompted me to write this as an application:
"Do things, not for the end result, but for the honest desire to do them. Love your neighbor, not so he will think you are a good person, but because God commands us to, and it therefore should become our desire to do so."

This reminds me of a great lesson I learned once while watching an episode of Boy Meets World, which I've been trying to work into my blog for some time, and I finally found a way to make it work! In this particular episode, as usual, Shawn was going through a rough time. I don't remember the specifics. Cory, being the great friend that he is, gave Shawn a basketball as a gift. (The basketball had some significance, but that's one of the specifics I've forgotten.) Shawn, however, was very unappreciative; he was still caught up with the gravity of whatever his current situation was. When Corey realized Shawn's unappreciativeness, he became angry. Mr. Feeny, of course, stepped out his back door in time to realize what was going on, so when Shawn stormed off, Mr. Feeny stepped in with his ever-ready advice-for-life. He reminded Corey that true generosity doesn't do something to receive something in return. Corey, logically, protested, saying that he didn't expect anything in return, only a "thanks." Expecting a "Thank You," however, as Mr. Feeny pointed out, IS expecting SOMETHING in return. It's very humbling to see that TRUE generosity means you don't even take into consideration whether or not the person will appreciate what you do for them. That just about wipes out every time I've ever thought I had been generous in my whole entire life! On the same note, I wrote last week, in reference to 2:1-8, "True discipleship is when you not only teach someone from the word of God, but also pour yourself into that person with the honest desire for their very best. Truely investing in someone's life with no desire for yourself is the most God-like form of love." I pray that I could learn to do things without some hidden selfish motivation. It's a constant decision we must make to lay aside what's best for us for the benifit of others, and mostly the benifit of Christ. It's tough, but I pray that Christ would make it possible for me. We have a glorious hope in Christ. We have not been abandoned. We are not forgotten. He dwells in us and with us, and makes all things possible. How inspiring!

The David Crowder Band is scheduled to release their new record on September 16... guess who's birthday that is?! MINE!!! Yay!

It's a great day when you get the four new CDs you ordered in the mail, especially when they come sooner than you expected! I got Passion: Our Love is Loud, Chris Tomlin: The Noise We Make, David Crowder: Can You Hear Us?, and Delirious?: Deeper--the Definitive Worship Experience. Good stuff. I'm sure most everyone who is interested in this music has had these CDs for quite a while, and I'm the last to get them! Anyway, I'm off to finish listening to them. Later!

John Donne's Holy Sonnet X

Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy, or charms can make us sleep as well,
And better than thy strokes; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.

--THE ROOM--

I have this analogy [this one's for you, Allie]. You and God are in a dark room where you can't see anything. Your goal is to reach out and grab God's hand, but you don't know which direction to go. God has His hand streched out and is calling out to you: "take my hand." You reach out and begin moving in the right direction, but you pause and wonder if it's the right way to go. "It's dark and I can't see, so how do I know where God is?" you ask yourself. You were moving in the right direction, but the darkness threw you off and made you think twice. You can't see God, so how do you know which way to go? Because you can hear Him. You know becausse you can hear Him, Allie. Don't rely on your eyes. Just listen. And usually our first instincts are right anyway.

Got to see Scott Yirka today! He's my old youth pastor from middle school. Mom and I were out to lunch and saw him and his dad. So good to see him! He is now pastor of his own church, which always was his goal, so it was awesome for him when that actually happened. When I look back at my life and realize how many totally awesome and godly leaders I have known, it blows me away. God's been so good to me. Not much else to say today. I'm just really thankful today for so much. Later.

What a good day! It's just incredible! Starting from the time I got off work, everything has been so amazing for me. It's not like anything huge has happened; it's just a bunch of little things that all seem to fit perfectly. And right now, I just have such a complete peace. I've been praying for some of my friends lately just to have a peace about various situations in their lives, and it's pretty cool that God turns that around and makes it work for me, also. Between the e-mails I got earlier and the conversation I had tonight, there's like a million things on my mind. Usually, this would give me ample "reason" to feel either stressed out or overwhelmed or just to be thinking way too hard about stuff that doesn't really matter currently, but tonight--tonight I'm just at peace and it's really nice.

It would probably be really effective for me just to leave it at that, but like I said, there's a million things on my mind, so I have plenty to say! First of all, to some dear friends of mine who are both dealing with a lot right now (hopefully you know who you are), just know that God already has it all planned out for you--whatever "it" may be. Nextly--if you've never been away for an extended period of time from the people who you've always known, for example going away to college, then you CANNOT understand how much it changes everything about your life. I know I'm not alone when I say this, because it seems to be a common trend among those who go away--more specifically, those who go away and come back. Don't assume that I mean that my life is horrible now, or anything like that. In fact, it's quite the opposite. But never-the-less (that' supposed to be all one word, but it's harder to read that way) my life has been drastically changed by going away and coming back. Like I said, you can't understand unless you've been there. Here's how it is, as best as I can describe it. Every day that I'm here, I'm pining to be back in St. Augustine. The sights, the sounds, the places, the people, my school, my church--everything. I miss it so much. Laci and I talked tonight about how we both have decided that we're ready (with some other girls) to get a place to live down there, which means we would basically stay there permanently, or at least till-we-graduate kind of permanent. And very possibly afterwards, as well. Erin was talking to me last night and she said, "Megan, I don't want you to go back" and added, "you'll come back a lot, right? like every weekend?" I just said, "well....." which implied, "no, not really." That's hard for me to tell people because these are the people I know and love. What, then, you ask, would make me want to leave? Like I said, it's hard to explain. Laci said it's something that gets inside of you and calls you back and makes it impossible for you to stay gone. (I told her that sounded like the theme for a scary movie that we could make!) I guess what it really is, for me at least, is that I know if I stay here, things will always be like they've always been, which isn't horrible, I just feel like it would hold me back from ever reaching my potential, in a way. I'm not quite sure how that all works; it's just how I feel. I feel like getting "my own" place in St. Augustine would be the only way in which I could become a fully independent adult. Somehow I think that if I tried to stay here I would never completely be out on my own. It would always be Sunday dinner at Mom and Dad's, not for the fellowship, but just because it was a free meal. If I move to St.Aug, however, a Sunday dinner with the parents would be a lot more special. Okay, I'm really just rambling at this point, and trying to rationalize why I want to leave all these great people that I have here. Completely unexplainable. It's just something that I feel like I need to do. Maybe I don't need to completely understand it. And I certainly don't believe that I am required to explain it to anyone else. So, to all my friends, let it be known that this very well may be my last summer in Jacksonville. No, I won't completely abandon you; I'll be back for visits. And I'm already planning for Uno nights at "my place" whenever we get an apartment or something. It'll be fun to have a bunch of you guys come down and hang out. On that note, I'm headed for bed. G'night.

Don't have time to say much because I'm about to head out to the movies with Lace. HAD to post real quick though, because I'm SO excited! First of all, reading my e-mail a few minutes ago was like the most encouraging thing that's happened to me in a week. Had some really nice ones from friends, and some informational ones from my St. Augusine church folks. My St. Augustine church, Anastasia, was starting a new college Bible study right before I left to come home for summer. I knew from the begining that it was eventually going to be huge, and I was so excited about it--kinda sad that I had to come home. Anyway, they've been in the planning stages all summer, and it's really starting to come together. It's called Fusion, and I found out today that some of the people put together a websight. The websight's pretty tight, too! So on top of being excited about that, I got a secod info e-mail, in which I learned that Darrell Evans is going to be at The Edge next month!!! I'm way, way excited! As if I don't get excited about The Edge enough, it's pretty cool to have a "big-name worship leader" coming! Wow. It's such a good day! I'm off to the movies! Later.

GOOD TIMES

The college and career group did "2nd Sunday" tonight, where we all go to somebody's house to hang out and have a little fellowship time. It was really good tonight. We did this "pass the candle" thing, where all the lights were down and we passed the candle as we named someone in the room who had been an encouragement to us. The first person would explain a person who had encouraged him, name the person, and pass the candle to that person. That person, in turn, would do the same and pass it to whomever they named. The whole thing really encouraged me. (I know I've already over-used the word "encouraged"!) For the first minute, when the activity was being explained, I almost struggled to think of someone who had been an encouragement to me, but once we got into the whole thing, I realized more and more that I could have named something about every person in the room that inspires me in a different way. I realized that, in a way, I have too high of standards. Now, don't get me wrong, I think high standards are a good thing; but sometimes I seem to expect people to be perfect, and since no one can live up to that kind of expectation, I miss out on the good in people because I'm too busy looking at the bad. This is horrible of me! I certianly don't think I'm perfect, so why in the world do I expect other people to be? I don't really actually tell myself, "they're a failure because they're not perfect" or anything like that, because obviously I know that people aren't perfect. I guess what the real issue is is that when people struggle in an area that I don't happen to struggle in, I sort of get the mentality of "why can't they get that right? It seems simple to me. They must not care enough to do anything about it." But at the same time, I struggle in areas that they don't struggle in, and they could just as easily say the same thing about me: "why can't she get that right? She must not care enough to do anything about it." People are different and struggle in different areas; therefore, what's easy to one may be hard to another, and vice verca. It's like any part of our lives. For example, me and Laci. Laci is a visual learner and I'm auditory. I'll meet a guy and tell her about him, and she'll want to know what color shirt he had on, what style his pants were, how his hair was comed, and whether or not he wore a watch. How the heck should I know?? It boggles my mind that she can take in all that information! I'll say, "I don't know, but his voice reminds me of so-and-so." "You know people by their voices?" she'll ask me. She can't comprehend how I work, and I can't comprehend how she works. It's not that one of us is better than the other; we're just different. I can also recognize the sound of certain people coming down our hall. I'll say, "Heather's out of class" as if I'm psycic or something, but really I just recognize her sound. You can't explain that to a visual person! Nor can she explain to me how, in two minutes' time, she can memorize every visual detail of someone! I believe it's the same way in our spiritual lives. We're each different, and we often can't even explain "how it is" to someone who hasn't experienced the same thing as we have. We, or I, should learn to appreciate the differences in people because our strengths are in different areas. If we all had the same strength and the same weakness, the Church would be very lop-sided! No one could help us up when we fall because they would all be right down there with us. It's like the discription of the Church as the Body: if we were all hands, we would never get anywhere because none of us were feet. If you're a hand, be thankful for the one who's a foot. If you're an ear, be thankful for the eye [I'm thankful for you, Lace!]. If you're the musician, be thankful for the cheerleader [love you, Al!]. You get the point. We need each other, not necessarily to survive, but definitely to thrive. God has called us to thrive, and not merely survive. Remember to appreciate the strengths of your fellow Christians, and thrive together in the name of Christ. Later.